Words on a Page
by sharingank
Summary: On a whim, Shikamaru poured his feelings into a letter, one that Ino was never meant to see...InoShika... ::grins:: Chapter 11 is up!
1. The Letter

Hey guys! So, writing Sleeper has put me in the Shika/Ino mode, and this story formed itself in my head soon after I finished it. It is another get-together, but I plan on making it a bit longer. ::grins:: I hope you enjoy!

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**Chapter 1: The Letter**

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Shikamaru did not know what possessed him to do it. He'd been lying on his bed one night after returning home from a mission, and he could not fall asleep. His head was full of thoughts about a certain former teammate, one who caused his emotions to start doing things that he had no control over, one who tortured him with her bright eyes, her beautiful smile, her endearing laugh…one who was more trouble than she was worth. 

"I need to sleep," Shikamaru told himself. "Asuma's making me train with him tomorrow, so if I _don't _sleep, I'll regret it."

His logic was quite sound, and, normally, it would be enough to let him turn his brain off and sink into oblivion, but not this night. Another nagging voice overrode his reason.

_You need to do something, Shikamaru. These feelings will not go away overnight, you know. _

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Shikamaru muttered, irritated. For the past five years, he had attempted to ignore what was happening to him, the way his heart sped up whenever Ino was close, the way his skin tingled when she touched him, even if it was just a friendly pat on the shoulder, the way he remembered all of her little comments, even if they were just in passing. All of these feelings were so…

"Troublesome," he sighed. "I have enough to worry about as it is, and I hardly need another complication on top of everything else!"

Because that was what this love business was: a complication. Shikamaru did not like complicated things. They required more effort on his part than he was comfortable with exerting. And on top of that, he picked the _wrong _person to become enamored with.

When he was younger, Shikamaru always said that he wanted to marry someone plain and sensible, someone who was not too pretty, but not ugly, have two plain, sensible children (a girl first, and then a boy), retire after the daughter was married and the son was settled, and play Shogi and Go until he died (before his wife, of course).

Now, insert Ino into the picture.

The blonde girl was loud, bossy, and extremely emotional. She would make sure that Shikamaru was kept on his toes every single day of their lives, she would demand things of him like flowers and romantic dinners, she would insist that he have plenty of vacations so that he could cater to her every whim, and then she would accuse him of not loving her when said vacations could not be attained. Their children would be loud, bossy, and emotional, and they too would run Shikamaru dry. He would retire because he was too tired to do anything else, and Shogi and Go would be just a pleasant memory that he recalled every now and then when he wasn't incapacitated by all the activity.

Such a future would be waiting happily for him if he were to be with Yamanaka Ino.

But…

No matter how much he tried to make himself understand the horror that accompanied such a future, he could not stop himself from falling harder.

"Why me?" He implored to the ceiling. "Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I'm not a bad person, I don't take advantage of others, and I do my job even when I don't want to! Is it so much to ask to want to get by in the world?"

Shikamaru sighed. When one must resort to conversing with ceilings, there is a serious problem at hand.

_I need to get all of this stuff out in a more constructive way, _he thought as he held his chin. Glancing around his room, his eyes locked on his desk.

There was paper on his desk.

Paper is good for writing things on.

Shikamaru put two and two together.

If he were to write the things in his head on the paper, perhaps the problem of his temporary state of insomnia would be solved.

Brilliant.

He dragged himself out of bed, went to his desk, and sat down to write. His hand moved of its own accord, and it did not stop for quite some time. When he finished, Shikamaru realized that he had composed a letter of sorts, and he had addressed it to Ino.

_Oh bother…I didn't expect **that** to happen. _

He did feel much better having poured out all of the emotions, but he was not sure what to do with the letter. There was no way he would actually give it to the person it was intended for. Shikamaru knew his writing skills, and they were dismal, to say the least. Not only would Ino laugh at his pathetic attempt, but he was sure she would not appreciate affection from someone as boring as himself.

No, the letter would remain where it was, on his desk, never to see the light of day.

_Good…maybe I can move on now..._

With a contented nod, Shikamaru switched off his lamp, crawled back into bed, and closed his eyes.

He woke the next morning, not to the sound of his alarm clock, as he would have liked, but to the distinct feeling of intense whiplash.

"Shikamaru! Get up! You're going to be late!"

"Mo-om! Come on!" He groaned, his teeth rattling. "Just five more minutes…"

The glare he received could have shattered glass. "Up, NOW."

"Women are a cruel race," Shikamaru stated as he sat up, rubbing vigorously at his eyes. "The most horrid beings on earth…"

"Yes, dear," his mother said, and patted him on the cheek. "Hurry up and get dressed so you can have some breakfast."

Still grumbling, Shikamaru did as he was told, and stumped down the stairs a few minutes later. His father did not say a word when Shikamaru entered the kitchen, though he appeared as if he wanted to.

Shikamaru was glad that he did not.

He ate his breakfast quickly and was about to leave when he remembered his vest, which he had forgotten in his haste. Taking the stairs two at a time, he went to his room, grabbed the vest, and his eyes fell to the letter out on his desk.

_Take it, _the voice urged. _You know that you want to. _

"No, I don't think that's a good idea," Shikamaru told the voice.

_Yes it is. Take the letter, Shikamaru. Go on. _

For the first time in his life, Shikamaru listened to the voices in his head. He picked the letter up and stuffed it in one of the pockets of the vest.

_This is stupid,_ he thought as he walked to the training grounds near the Konoha Borderlands, the place where Asuma had said to meet him. _It's not like Ino's going to be there, and even if she is, I'm not giving it to her…_

Shikamaru froze. He was close enough to his destination to see two figures circling each other with their weapons at the ready. One of them was his former sensei Asuma: it was easy to make him out by his goatee and the cigarette between his lips. The other had her shoulder-length blonde hair pulled out of her face, and she wore a skirt and shirt in her favorite color, violet.

_Oh good lord. _

At that point, Shikamaru considered turning around and leaving, but Ino made that option a dead end.

"Shikamaru!" She called, waving her hands.

_No, stop, Ino! Don't…_

Asuma turned his head, and grinned. "Oi! I was wondering if you'd died in your sleep or something!"

_Damn it. _

"No," Shikamaru called back. "Just had a late start, you know."

Asuma slung an arm over his shoulders when Shikamaru reached them, and grinned. "Are you ready for some pain?"

"Can't wait," the dark haired Chuunin replied, the sarcasm evident in his voice. Turning to Ino, he asked, "What are you doing here?"

"My weapons skills are crap," She said bluntly. "And since Asuma was going to be working with you on weapons, he said that I could come by, too." She smiled. "You don't mind all that much, do you?"

"No, of course not!" Shikamaru said quickly. "Why would I mind?"

_I'm such a bad liar…_

Ino raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I don't know. You just had a strange look on your face, that's all."

_I did?_ "It's fine, Ino, really."

"What do you say we get started then?" Asuma suggested, and his two students nodded.

Shikamaru wanted to be a million miles away.

His skill with weapons was laughable, at best, which was the reason Asuma insisted that he come out here, but Shikamaru never imagined that Ino would be in the picture, as well. Her presence just made him more aware of the piece of paper near his chest, and he found himself making many more mistakes than he normally would. About halfway through the session, Ino stood off to the side and began a complex exercise with a sword, and Shikamaru became so engrossed in watching her that he did not block Asuma's strike in time, resulting in him getting knocked off his feet.

"Shikamaru!" Asuma exclaimed, startled. "Why didn't you block it? Are you all right?"

More embarrassed than in pain, Shikamaru's face turned red. Ino stopped in the middle of her exercise and ran to him.

"What happened?" She asked, worry in her voice. Her hands ran over his body, feeling for injuries, which only made things worse. Shikamaru felt as if electricity was shooting though his spine at her touch, and his heart pounded.

"Er…I…wasn't paying attention," he mumbled, and decided that dropping off the face of the earth would be favorable.

"Idiot!" Ino scolded. "That's dangerous! Asuma really could've hurt you!"

_Why do you care so much? _"I know," he hung his head. "Look, I already feel stupid, so could you not rub it in, please?"

Ino's eyes narrowed, though she kept her mouth closed, and settled for helping him up instead. "You go practice with the sword now, and I'll stay here with Asuma."

The blond girl had come up with a very good idea.

Shikamaru liked it when Ino came up with good ideas, because they were few and far between when she _did. _

"Okay," he said dumbly, and took Ino's old position, intent on the sword in his hand. That was his focal point, and he kept his eyes glued to it.

_It's much safer this way,_ he said to himself, nodding.

The rest of the afternoon seemed to snail by, and when it finally ended, Shikamaru was more than ready to leave. Asuma insisted that Ino and Shikamaru meet with him again within the week, and he would not let them go until they promised that they would.

"My arms feel all rubbery," Ino said when she and Shikamaru were alone. "I guess I needed more work than I thought." She eyed her companion. "Are you _sure _you're okay?"

_I'd be much better if you weren't in my head. _"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little banged up, but nothing horrible."

Ino smiled, and bent over to undo the bindings that were on her legs. She caught sight of something on the grass.

_What is that? _She reached over and swiped the folded paper, recognizing Shikamaru's scrawl. Her eyes moved to her friend, who was staring off into the clouds, as usual.

_He must've dropped it when he was fighting._

She was about to hand the paper over when she noticed the name printed on the top fold, and her eyes went wide for a moment.

The name was hers.

_Well that's odd. Why would he write something to me? _

Though she knew that it was wrong, and that she should probably give the paper back, Ino could not bring herself to do it.

_Obviously he meant to give it to me, because he wouldn't have been carrying it otherwise, right? _

Before he could notice, she stuck the paper down the top of her sandal and vowed that she would read it as soon as she got home.

She went to Shikamaru and tapped him. "Walk back with me?"

"Huh? Oh, sure."

All the way home, Shikamaru could not erase the feeling that something was wrong, though he could not figure out what. When he left Ino at her doorstep, the feeling was still there, even though his nerves were fizzling pleasantly from the touch of Ino's hand on his arm. At his house, his mother pulled the sweat-soaked vest off of him, clucking her tongue at the state her son was in, and Shikamaru thought of something then.

"Can I see that, Mom?" He held out his hands for the vest, and his mother, her eyebrow raised, relinquished it.

After going through every pocket and pouch in the vest at least three times over, Shikamaru had to resist the urge to scream. The letter was gone.

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Ino settled herself in a comfortable chair in her bedroom, and pulled off her sandal. The letter fell out into her hand, and she examined it a bit closer. There was no mistaking that the handwriting was indeed Shikamaru's, and her curiosity returned with full force. However, when she went to open it, she hesitated. 

"This isn't right," she said to herself. "I should've given it back."

She looked down at the paper.

Her name jumped out at her, and her mind was made up.

"It's addressed to me, so I have every right to open it," she rationalized.

Unfolding the letter, she smoothed it out on her lap and began to read.

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What's in the letter??? ::grins:: It looks like another cliffhanger… Let me know what you think, ne? 


	2. The 'Oh My' Complex

Wow! I'm glad you guys liked this! Sorry about the cliffhanger...I have a tendency to lean towards those, I've noticed. ::digs toe into ground:: On we go!

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**Chapter 2: The 'Oh My' Complex**

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_Ino, _

_I don't know why I'm writing this to you, since you'll never see it, but I had to get rid of all this...stuff. That's the best word I can come up with to describe it, you know? No, you probably don't. Oh whatever. Again, you'll never see this, so who cares if I think that you think that you won't know...see? This is why I don't write letters. I don't know how to articulate in writing. That, and using a pencil is such a bother. _

Ino paused to laugh. "Typical Shikamaru," she said, shaking her head. "Ever the lazy human being, as always."

_But, I guess I can set aside my own personal scruples (intelligent word, isn't it?) to do this, because, well, because I can't sleep. I've spent the past two hours staring up at the grains on the ceiling, and they aren't very fascinating, I can tell you. Don't try it. _

The blonde girl laughed again. "For someone who doesn't like to write, you sure seem to be enjoying yourself."

_Anyway...where do I begin? I hardly even know when all these feelings started...I'm not used to this, Ino. I like having one frame of mind for each situation I'm in, but with you, it's not as easy as that. I do know that whenever I'm close to you, I feel hundreds of things at one time, and it's like...I lose my bearings. I don't know which emotion to cling to, because there's too many to count. It makes me dizzy._

_I hate being dizzy. _

_And, you know, I wish I could blame you for doing this to me, to accuse you of some trickery that's got me all bent over backwards, but I can't. I mean, how stupid is it to get mad at you for being yourself? Very stupid, if you ask me (which you didn't). _

At this point, Ino's heart began to drum against her chest. In her haste, she brushed past the 'you'll never see this,' but she backtracked to the beginning and scanned over those lines again. Her heart beat faster. _Oh my...he never **did** mean for me to see this at all...and I think I'm starting to understand why._ Her eyes moved to the next part of the letter.

_That's the thing, Ino. All those little quirks, like the way you flip your ponytail without knowing it when you walk, or the way you jump to conclusions before you know the full story, or how you sneeze when you get overexcited...they're the reel that's been pulling me in (fish metaphor...aren't I clever), and even if I try to move against the tide, it's useless (see that? I continued the metaphor, too. I deserve points for effort). _

_I know that I've always tried to act like I don't care one way or the other, and for a long time, that was true (although, in some aspects, I guess it still is. I'll always be sedentary at heart). But do you know why I couldn't sleep? (I'm going to tell anyway, so I don't know why I bothered putting that down)._

_I was thinking of you. _

_You know, sometimes I even allow myself to dream of what our future could be like, the two of us. _

_I see you puttering around in the kitchen (because you'll want to prove that you are a model wife, of course). You'll snap at me if I get underfoot while you're cooking, but then, you'll snap at me if I don't help, so whichever way you look at it, I'm going to get snapped at for something. _

_Our kids will be racing around breaking things, and I'll have to race around after them (because during all of this you'll still be puttering in the kitchen and taking great amusement at seeing me become flustered). There will be more snapping, more scolding, and chaos, chaos, chaos. _

_We'll be living in a mad house. _

_The Shikamaru of a few years ago would run away screaming (well, maybe not screaming) at the thought, but...oh I don't know, Ino. I've grown up a lot, and, well...I think I actually wouldn't mind. In all honesty, I...I can't see a future without you in it. Where would I be if I didn't have you to boss me around? I've gotten so used to that, Ino, that I've started taking advantage of the fact that you'd always be here. The truth is, oh, how do I say this without sounding like a walking cliché? The truth is, if there's no you, there's no me. _

_Well, the damage has been done, and I'm an official corndog, so there's no harm in saying the rest of it now. _

_I need you, Ino. I need your smiles, and I need your frowns, and your insults, and...all of it. Everything that makes you who you are, I want to hoard it all away like a dragon with his treasure (another metaphor-type thingie. I'm on a roll). I know it sounds selfish, but that's how I really feel. I don't want some air-brained loser to ever lay a hand on you. Someone like that doesn't deserve you. _

_But, do I?_

_I'd like to think that I do. _

_You need someone who understands you, someone who loves you with his whole heart. _

_I understand you, Ino. Better than you realize._

_And you know what? I finally figured out what all these feelings are. _

_I love you. _

_Now it's time to sit back and wait for the apocalypse. Yes, plain, sensible Nara Shikamaru is head-over-heels ass-crazy in love (did I just write that?) with a loud, brash, perfect girl. You are perfect in my eyes, Ino. I wouldn't change a thing about you for the world. _

_So there it is. My little secret. I really wish that it didn't have to be a secret, but, such is life. Man, I really wrote a lot, didn't I? I think my hand is going to fall off. Yikes. I'm glad that I decided to do this, though. I feel a little better, well, enough to sleep, anyway. I guess that's all, then. This piece of paper will sit here on my desk (in the drawer, more like) and collect dust, but at least I did something. Things can go back to normal now, in theory. _

_Aw, who am I kidding? Nothing I do will erase the fact that I love you, Ino. Nothing. But, that's another story for another day (night). I think I'll go to bed. Bed was the reason I wrote this to begin with, after all. _

_I'm not going to bother signing this, as it's basically a letter to myself, though it has your name on it. And now I'm rambling, so I'm really going to bed. Really. _

For what could possibly be the first time in her young life, Yamanaka Ino was rendered speechless.

She stared at the paper in her lap, not quite sure what to do, what to think...

Naturally, after a few minutes of sitting in complete shock, her mind kicked the 'Oh My' Complex into gear.

"Oh my," she whispered, "oh my, oh my, oh my."

Those were the only words she was capable of speaking in this state, and she repeated them over and over, not stopping until her mother called from the bottom of the stairs.

"Ino! Dinner!"

_Dinner? What's dinner? I've never heard of that before..._

"Ino? Are you coming?"

"Yeah," she croaked.

_Okay, get up...that's good. Now, go down the stairs one at a time...very good. This is the perfect distraction now, yes? Yes it is. Just listen to your parents and talk about things that aren't about that...that other thing. Oh my...no, no, you aren't thinking about it. Stop. Cease. Desist. Oh...STOP IT!_

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Ino's father stated bluntly, which startled the thoughts right out of her.

"What?"

"You're as white as a sheet." The big man turned to his wife. "Doesn't she look as white as a sheet?"

Ino's mother came around to where Ino was and examined her closely. "She does look pale, now that you mention it."

The blonde girl did not care for the commentary. It was cutting too close to dangerous ground, and the subject would have to be changed in a rapid manner if she were to avoid the inevitable interrogation that her parents would run her through, which would result in things being said that shouldn't be said because...just because.

"So! My training went really well today!" Ino chirped brightly as she began piling food on her plate. "Asuma says I'm improving!" _Yeah, and that's why he told me never to go near sharp objects because he's afraid I'll take my eye out..._

Her parents exchanged looks.

"He did, did he?" Her father asked with a raised eyebrow. _Why don't I believe that? _

_Hmm...now would be a good time to act angry. _"Yeah! Geez, dad. Wonderful to see that you have faith in your beloved daughter's ability! Humph!" She crossed her arms over her chest. _Nice, Ino, nice. Good recovery there. _

"I do have faith, pumpkin, but just not..." He trailed off when he received the death glare. "Er...never mind. Forget I said anything."

"Smart," said Ino's mother.

Ino laughed, and dinner progressed as usual, much to her relief. No more remarks were made about her appearance, which was even better. For the time being, the 'Oh My' Complex was held at bay, and she liked that very much. What she would do when she was lying in bed at night with no distractions, well, she wasn't about to think on that, either. The reality of the words on that page had not sunk in yet, and she preferred to keep it that way for as long a duration as possible.

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The minute he came to the conclusion that the letter was indeed missing, Shikamaru took one look at his mother, turned around, and walked right out the front door without any explanation. Going all the way back to the Borderlands would take time and effort, but this was a matter of grave importance. Life and death, even. If anyone else saw that letter, he'd be in trouble. The possibility that Ino herself had her hands on it was too much for him to handle, and so he banished the thought.

_I'm never listening to voices in my head again. That was the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life..._

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To be continued... (I've always wanted to say that...tee-hee)


	3. Icha Icha Nightmare

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Oh my goodness...you guys have no idea how motivated you've made me! ::tosses out all sorts of goodies:: I be a happy girl, yes indeed. HUZZAH!!

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**Chapter 3: Icha Icha Nightmare**

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There were plenty of reasons why the two people who were sitting on the grass near the Borderlands—in the dark, mind you—**were **sitting on the grass in the dark, the biggest of them all being that one was a year shy of eighteen, and the other was old enough to know that he should be using more discretion in this situation, as he **was** the elder of the two by a good fourteen years, but his obsession for his reading material made him bend the rules every now and then.

Why should the masterpiece that is Icha Icha Paradise be restricted to those under eighteen, anyway?

Preposterous.

Hatake Kakashi saw no harm in allowing a certain former student of his to take a gander at his prized possessions. Naruto **had** spent quite some time under the tutelage of the author of said volumes, so the boy was already a lost cause by this point.

When one is the pupil of a renowned pervert, it is difficult to walk away from such an experience unscathed. While his...habits...were mild at present, Naruto was beginning to exhibit the signs of a little something that Kakashi dubbed 'Gutter-brain'—a condition that the Jounin knew well—and, naturally, he could not resist sharing the wonders of his books with a kindred spirit, now could he?

However, if the village notables were to discover what he was up to, the tongues would begin to wag, accusing Kakashi of 'corrupting' an 'innocent' youth, and, well, let's just say things would get **very** ugly, **very** quickly.

The rumor mill seemed to have a fondness for the silvery-haired man. Whenever he was seen out and about with a male companion, he was gay. If he was spotted chatting with a pretty female, he was a womanizer. Seen with both sexes, he was gay **and** a womanizer.

Personally, Kakashi found all the hoopla surrounding his sexual orientation quite humorous, and he did nothing to confirm or refute the popular opinions. **He** knew his own preferences better than anyone else, so if people wanted to waste energy in trying to guess what they were, all the power to them.

He did know where to draw the line, though, and being labeled a dirty molester of the child mind—despite the fact that Naruto was **not** a child—was going a bit too far for his comfort.

Which brings us back to the reason why he and Konoha's number one hyperactive ninja were sitting, in the dark, near the Borderlands: it stuck to one of the most important codes of the ANBU.

Do. Not. Be. Seen.

He supposed that he could have invited Naruto to his apartment, but nowadays, the female population seemed to find his doorstep the hot spot for some reason. Naruto's residence was also a no go, since he **was** under eighteen, after all, and his friends often invited themselves over to spend a night or two when the harping from their families became unbearable.

The risks were just too high.

Therefore, the two decided to rough it in the wild like the manly men that they were, and made an impromptu trip out to the Borderlands.

Naruto had been itching to get a glimpse at the famous trademark books of his former sensei, and he was practically frothing at the mouth by the time they reached their destination.

A few years with Jiraya can do that to a person.

Plus, there is a thrill involved when one knows that one is doing something one should not be doing. Sakura disapproved of Kakashi's books, and Naruto **knew** that she disapproved of them, yet here he was. The pink-haired girl often came up with some rather unpleasant ways to express her irritation, and they varied from situation to situation. She never used the same method twice, and Naruto was positive that the one she'd think up for this offense would be the worst of them all.

He liked living on the edge. It added a certain spice to life.

And so, while he and Kakashi immersed themselves in the world of fantasy in print, Shikamaru was making his way ponderously to the spot that they were sitting, swearing at anything and everything as he went.

Walking should not be a difficult procedure. You pick up one leg, swing it out, set the foot on the ground, and then repeat the process with the other leg. Human beings have learned this useful skill since the beginning of time.

However, human beings—or more specifically, Shikamaru—did not learn how to walk **and** search for a tiny piece of paper—in the dark—at the same time.

Somehow, he managed to not only stub all of his toes, but trip over troublesome clumps of grass that seemed to materialize out of thin air for that very purpose.

And then there was the mud.

How was he to know that he'd been drawing closer to a swamp without a flashlight—which he realized early on that he'd forgotten—anyway?

To make a long story short, in order to get to the Borderlands, one must pass through a miniature forest of sorts, a forest that was ridiculously difficult to maneuver around in when night fell, especially without the aid of a flashlight.

Shikamaru had gone almost the entire length of the forest when the ground became slick beneath him. Before he knew it, he was on his back and sliding, the momentum scooting him along at a spectacular rate. By this point, Shikamaru was resigned to the fact that he had no control over his body anymore, and prayed that he would not end up smacking into a tree.

That would be painful, indeed.

All of a sudden, he came to a jerking halt, and went flying, face-first, into a swamp.

Swamps are not what one would call beautiful affectations of nature. They smell, they taste horrible--as Shikamru discovered upon receiving a mouthful of murky mud-water--and the residue that they leave behind is impossible to be got rid of unless one has large amounts of time to spend soaking in the most potent soap available.

Shikamaru did **not** have time, and neither did he have potent soap.

What he **did** have was sandals that squelched with every step he took, seaweed stuck in his hair, and drying mud/residue on every inch of his frame.

And he smelled.

Horrible.

The tripping and toe-stubbing were the final straw, and his already shaky composure, quite literally, cracked.

"DAMN IT!" He squawked after another clump of grass appeared in his path. "I JUST WANT TO FIND THE—insert all possible swearwords here—LETTER!"

He then proceeded to tell the grass clump exactly what he thought of it, and at some length. After he ran out of breath, he was convinced that the grass managed to appear sheepish.

"Serves you right," he sniffed, not pausing to think on how silly he must appear to be scolding inanimate objects. His sanity was questionable now, besides, so what difference did it make?

Nearby, Naruto's brow furrowed. He'd been in the middle of a rather—shall we say racy?—part of the story, and his enjoyment was interrupted by a loud screeching noise that could almost pass for a human voice. He lifted his head a fraction and looked around.

"Did you hear that?" He whispered to Kakashi. "It sounded like a dying...goat or something."

Of course, Kakashi hadn't noticed a thing, as he had the ability to tune out the world while he was reading, and he looked up with some reluctance.

"How do you know what a dying goat sounds like?"

Naruto could not come up with an answer to that.

"Er...I dunno...that's just the first animal that came to mind."

Kakashi was not about to relent.

"But why a **goat**? Why not...a cow, or a deer? You're more likely to run into one of those critters around here than a goat."

Naruto was becoming frustrated.

"It's not like I sat here and thought about the sounds that a cow and a deer make before I came up with a goat! I just..."

"Ran your mouth before you considered what you were saying," Kakashi finished. "From your logic, a fish could make that noise, too, if you thought of fish before goat."

Somewhere in Naruto's forehead, a vein was beginning to pulse.

"I WAS JUST SAYING THAT I HEARD A WEIRD NOISE! I WON'T MENTION GOATS ANYMORE, OKAY?"

That seemed to satisfy Kakashi, who responded by snorting and burying his face in his book.

"Temper, temper," he chided deprecatingly, and Naruto was filled with the desire to draw things on his former sensei's face with a permanent marker.

_I wonder if I have one of those in my side pouch..._he mused, and was digging around through the clutter when Shikamaru appeared, looking quite—demented—to say the least.

"Oi! Shikamaru!" Naruto called, waving his hand around in the air.

Shikamaru did not notice that anyone else was out here at this time of night, as he was far too gone down the road of insanity to take note of his surroundings, but Naruto's voice had a distinctive tone that could be easily recognized by anyone who knew him, and even by those who didn't.

_Crap_, he thought. _Crap, crap, crap! I don't want to have to explain my motives for being here! That's too embarrassing! Maybe if I just turn around slowly, Naruto will forget that he saw me..._

"Shikamaru? What are you doing?" Kakashi shouted. "Come over here!"

_Oh I give up. _

For the second time that day, Shikamaru was forced to move forward instead of retreat, as he clearly wanted to.

"Woah! What the hell happened to you?" Naruto inquired when the beam of his flashlight shone on the dark-haired Chuunin.

"Don't ask," Shikamaru replied.

Judging from the looks of things, Naruto let the matter drop. Shikamaru was a laid back guy, but that only went so far. He remembered something else then.

"Oh...aren't we supposed to be keeping this a secret?" He said, motioning to the books.

Kakashi shrugged. "I think we can trust Shikamaru to keep his mouth shut." He gave the other boy a significant look. "Right?"

Shikamaru eyed the books, a brow raised. "So Naruto's a pervert now too, huh?"

The boy in question blushed.

"I'm not surprised," Shikamaru said, sighing. "Yeah, I won't say anything."

Naruto let out a breath in relief. "Oh, good."

His expression changed to one of curiosity.

Shikamaru tensed.

It was coming...

...the one thing that he couldn't avoid...

"Why are **you** here?"

Target locked.

"Er...I...erm...dropped something," he said lamely. "When I was training with Asuma today."

Kakashi exchanged a glance with Naruto.

"Could you be a little more specific? Saying you dropped 'something' isn't all that helpful."

Target hit.

_Damn it all. _

"It was..._mmruph_."

The last part of the sentence was mumbled, and it did not resemble anything close to a real word at all.

Naruto was puzzled.

"You dropped _mmruph?_ What's _mmruph_?"

Shikamaru pictured Naruto's head as a kickball, and the idea of watching it fly was amusing enough to give him the willpower to remain civil.

"I have a list of horrid things, the number one being women in general, but you're in a category all by yourself," he stated.

Perhaps not civil.

"What? I'm sorry for not knowing what _mmruph _means!" Naruto turned to Kakashi. "You heard him! Didn't he say _mmruph? _Do **you** know what that means?"

"Leave me out of this," Kaskashi said, his face back in his book. After a few seconds, though, he couldn't resist any longer. "You **did** say _mmruph_, Shikamaru."

Could this day possibly get any worse?

He was tired.

He was dirty.

He was smelly.

The letter he wrote that he shouldn't have written but did was gone.

And now this.

Shikamaru sighed.

Time to lie.

"It was a...list that my mom gave me of stuff she needed. My mother's a harpy when she's mad, so if I don't go home with the stuff, I'm cooked."

_Not bad at all, Shikamaru! _He complimented himself. _That's believable, right? _

Naruto ate it up. "I've seen his mom when she's in a rage," he confirmed, nodding. "She's scary."

Kakashi, on the other hand, could smell a lie when it was in front of him, but he figured that Shikamaru must have a reason to conceal his real purpose for being out here, so he didn't press the matter.

"It's late," he pointed out instead. "I'm afraid you're not going to find anything around here now, anyway, even if you wanted to. Naruto and I didn't see any lists anywhere, or one of us would've picked it up, I'm sure, and obviously you didn't see it, either. And I'm sure your mom will understand when you explain to her what happened."

As much as Shikamaru wanted to protest, Kakashi did have a point. Without a flashlight, he'd be floundering blind, and he wasn't about to look for the letter with two other people over his shoulder. Besides, he'd found no trace of it even when he **tried **looking before. Either the letter had gotten destroyed, or someone else had it.

The first possibility he could handle, but the second...

Catastrophic.

However, there was nothing he could do now. Fate was not about to make this easy, as he would soon come to realize.

No, things were going to get much crazier...

"Do **you** know what goats sound like?" Naruto asked out of the blue as they were walking home.

Kakashi groaned, and smacked him upside the head.

To be continued...

* * *

::grins:: Next up, we hear from everyone's favorite female ninja! I'm going to shoot for one more update before I go back to school next weekend, and then the updates probably won't be as frequent, but I'll do my best!

Thank you all so much for reviewing! MUAH!


	4. Not Your Average Daydream

Hey guys! Well, if you thought **last** chapter was random, wait until you see this one! Tee-hee! This story has always been—wacky--in my head, and it's even wackier on the page! ::grins:: But I'm having a total blast writing it, and I hope you're enjoying reading it! All right, on we go!

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* * *

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**Chapter 4: Not Your Average Daydream**

* * *

Despite all the effort she made to keep busy, busy, busy, there is only so much a person can do before she collapses.

Ino washed the dishes.

She swept the floors.

She dusted every inch of every surface until she could see her reflection in them.

She even made her father his lunch for the next day.

Now **that **is desperation calling.

_I need to keep moving--I can't stop, because if I do, I'll think about that—that—**thing**, and it'll be bad._

Of course, her mother threw a wrench into her plans when she, point blank, ordered her daughter to get her behind up the stairs and go to bed, **now**. When Ino's mother told her to do things, Ino always complied without question. Her father she could talk around by being cute, because her father was one of **those** fathers who adore their daughters no matter what they do, but her mother knew the game, and she never fell for it.

Never.

Therefore, Ino had no choice but to comply, and walked up the stairs as if she were heading towards her own execution.

As soon as she entered her bedroom, her eyes honed in on **the letter**, and all of the thoughts that she'd barred back came flooding through the gates like a monsoon.

_He said he loves me. _

_Shikamaru. _

_Shikamaru said he loves me. _

_The same Shikamaru who I boss around, and beat on, and yell at..._

_He said he wouldn't change a thing about me..._

"He's a masochist," Ino said out loud as she undressed, flinging articles of clothing unceremoniously about the room. "He likes pain. I mean, for cripes sake, why the hell would he say he loves me if I beat the crap out of him?"

That explanation suited her just fine, and for the moment, she allowed it to be the central focus of her thought processes. Actually, the idea of plain, sensible Nara Shikamaru as a closet masochist was so amusing that she started to laugh hysterically, and tried pulling a nightshirt over her head at the same time.

Not working.

The phone rang while she was disentangling herself from her shirt—still laughing, mind—and she reached out to grab it, knocking her jewelry box off the dresser in the process.

"Crap!" She yelped, the receiver in hand.

"What?" came the voice on the other end of the line. "Ino? Is that you? Hellooo!!"

Ino set the phone down quickly, yanked the shirt on, and picked the receiver back up.

"Sorry, sorry! I—uh—had a bit of a mishap over here."

She eyed the contents of her jewelry box all over her floor, and groaned. Dropping to her knees, she began gathering up necklaces, and earrings, and earring backs—which are the most **impossible** things to find when dropped—and other assorted knick-knacks that had been living in the box, while Sakura talked.

"Er—right. Anyway, can I crash at your place tonight? Naruto came over a little while ago, and he ended up falling asleep in my bed, and he looks too adorable for me to wake him, you know? So, that leaves me without a bed, and—yeah."

Ino raised an eyebrow. "You wouldn't have a bed here, either. I mean, I'm not saying that I don't want you to come over or anything, because it actually would be nice to have some company, but you'll be on the futon. Don't you have a couch at home?"

"Of course I do, but it isn't a good idea for me to sleep on it."

One of the earring backs had gotten stuck in the carpet, and Ino began to pry it out. "Eh? Why not?"

Sakura made an indelicate noise. "Naruto sleepwalks."

"He does?"

"**Yes.** He does."

Ino switched the receiver to the other ear and went at the earring back with more force. "Lots of people sleepwalk, though."

This time, Sakura full-out snorted. "I'm sure they do, but 'lots of people' are **not** my boyfriend. Do you know what he did the last time I slept on the couch?" She continued without waiting for an answer. "I woke up and he was smack on top of me, fast asleep."

Ino did not think that was such a capital offence, but rather cute, and she said so. _I don't think I'd mind waking up with a boy in my arms..._

"Do you know where his head was?"

Uh-oh.

"No," Ino replied slowly. She could picture Sakura with the crazed look on her face that sprang up whenever she reminisced about her misadventures with the blonde-haired, blue-eyed object of her affection, and winced. "But I'm guessing it wasn't in a good place."

"HAH! It—was—on—my—chest. Or more like, **in **my chest. Seriously, I'm not even joking."

Ino choked back a giggle, but Sakura didn't notice, because she was on the warpath.

"It's Kakashi's fault! Him and that horrid Jiraya! Naruto **never** used to do this stuff before. I mean, I just found out that Kakashi's been showing him those books of his! Can you believe that? I swear, if I ever get my hands on that **pervert**, I'm going to mangle him! He's a grown man for crying out loud! He should know better!"

The blonde girl decided that it would be a good idea to cut Sakura off before she became too worked up, because bad things tended to happen when she was worked up, and Ino did not think Sakura would be happy if she ended up killing Naruto unintentionally.

"You're right," she agreed in a soothing tone. "Come on over. I'll wait for you on the porch."

Sakura took a few deep breaths. "Okay. I'll be there yesterday," she said, and hung up.

Ino grinned, placed the receiver in its cradle, and stood up, most of her jewelry back in the box. There were still a few random pieces missing, but she was sure they'd pop up eventually.

"Good," she told herself. "Now I can delay the inevitable for a bit longer, at least." Her eyes traveled to **the letter** again, and her heart began to thump. For whatever reason, she picked it up, brushing her fingers over the words. Her eyes became soft as she beheld Shikamaru's scrawl, and she continued to stroke the paper almost lovingly.

_He really must care...I mean, I can only imagine how much effort it took for him to write this much. Although...he didn't plan on giving it to me...but...oh, what am I going to do? I can't give it back to him now. I don't...**want** to. _

After she came to that conclusion, Ino immediately shook herself, and stuck the letter under her pillow. She didn't want Sakura to see it, or to even have any inkling of what was happening. Ino did not know where her **own** feelings stood, and she needed to figure them out before she went to someone else for advice.

"Shikamaru," Ino sighed. "You are so--**troublesome**."

* * *

Sakura arrived not five minutes after their phone conversation, a pink duffel bag slung over her shoulder.

"Thanks," she said after she'd given Ino a hug. "You're a life saver."

"Yeah, yeah," Ino waved that aside. She grabbed Sakura's hand and towed her up to her room. The futon that she'd gotten a few years ago was set up against the right-hand wall, and Sakura dropped the duffel bag on it before flopping down herself.

"I love this thing," she said blissfully. "I need to get one."

Ino grinned, sat next to Sakura, and switched on the T.V., which was situated across from the futon.

The first program that issued from the television was a sappy, romantic beach scene, complete with melodramatic music, waves crashing in the background, seagulls swooping overhead, and the happy couple, running...

Running...

Running...

Into each other's arms.

"Oh, I love you so much!" Said the heroine.

"I love you too!" Said the ultra-buff hero.

"Don't ever leave me again!" Said the heroine.

"I'll stay by your side forever!" Said the ultra-buff hero.

The tonsil hockey kiss.

More music, more seagulls, more crashing waves...

And the retching sounds of two girls seated on a futon.

"Oh puh-leaze!" Sakura muttered. "It **so** does **not** happen like that. The first time Naruto kissed me, our teeth were knocking together throughout the whole thing. It was awkward as **hell**. And the first time he told me he loved me, he said it around a mouthful of ramen, but only because I was on my rag that day and he was afraid I'd murder him if he **didn't **say it."

Ino laughed out loud. "Poor guy. I'd be afraid if I were strapped with you on your rag, too."

Sakura stuck her tongue out at her, and grabbed the remote out of her hands. As she flipped through the channels, Ino's mind wandered.

_Hmm...I wonder if Shikamaru would ever chase me around on a beach... _

She pictured Shikamaru, and then she pictured him slogging through sand.

_No, I don't think so. Scary. _

_Very scary. _

****"Oh, look!" Sakura squealed. "It's I Love Lucy! This show is so funny!"

Ino looked.

Lucy and her friend Ethel were getting themselves into another mess, as usual, and just in time for Ricky to walk through the door.

"Lucy! You've got some 'splaining to do!"

"Aw, Riiicky!"

Sakura and Ino giggled, but soon after, Ino's mind wandered again. She began to daydream...

_Black and white Ino stood over the stove, laboring over the dinner she was preparing for her husband, who would be returning from work soon. He always worked so hard, her Shikamaru, and she wanted everything to be perfect for him when he got home. She actually enjoyed being a dutiful wife, and there was nothing that pleased her more than to see her husband happy. _

_Her black and white son came into the kitchen and asked politely for a snack, which Ino got for him, of course, because he was such a good little boy. _

_"There you are, dear," she said, setting a plate of cookies and a glass of milk on the table. _

_"Thank you, Mother," the child replied, and seated himself. _

_The front door opened, and Shikamaru walked in, looking polished and refined as usual. _

_"Hello, dear," he said, and kissed his wife on the cheek._

_Ino smiled. "I'll have this finished in a minute, dear. How was work?" _

_"Oh, not too bad. The firm was busy today." He looked at the child. "And how was your day, son?" _

_"Very good, father. Do you think we could play catch with my new glove later?" _

_"Of course, son!" _

_Ino smiled again. Her family was so perfect! _

She remembered a part of the letter then:

'I see you puttering in the kitchen (because you'll want to prove that you are a model wife of course). You'll snap at me if I get underfoot while you're cooking, but then, you'll snap at me if I don't help, so whichever way you look at it, I'm going to get snapped at for something.

'Our kids will be racing around breaking things, and I'll have to race around after them (because during all this you'll still be puttering in the kitchen and taking great amusement at seeing me become flustered). There will be more snapping, more scolding, and chaos, chaos, chaos...'

_The daydream changed. She was in the same kitchen, though everything was in color. Something boiled in a large, stainless-steel pot on the stove, which Ino stood over, a wooden spoon in hand. Her husband hovered behind her, tired and sweaty, trying to get a glimpse of the mysterious substance in the pot, but Ino waved the spoon at him. _

_"Shikamaru! Go away! You're irritating me!" _

_"But I-n-oo! I'm hungry!" _

_"I don't care! It isn't ready yet, and you pestering me won't make it be ready any faster!" _

_Shikamaru sighed. Ino could be so cruel sometimes, especially since he'd just come back from a mission and his stomach was getting close to eating itself. _

_Instead of one, pleasant child, their two unruly monsters tore into the room and demanded to be fed, but not before tackling their father. Nothing would satisfy them until he gave them piggy-back rides around the house, which he did grudgingly, his expression one of extreme discomfort. _

_Ino, meanwhile, could barely contain her laughter at the sight of her stoic husband catering to their children, and she made no move to help him. He could use the exercise, after all. _

_Shaking her head, she grinned, and continued to stir the contents of the pot while the sounds of roughhousing filtered in from the living room. There was a distinct crash, and a loud yelp that could only have come from Shikamaru._

_"I-I-n-ooo!!" _

* * *

"Ino? Ino? Are you alive?"

Sakura waved her hand in front of Ino's face, and the blonde girl blinked.

"What?"

"You spaced out for a while there. Maybe we should go to bed, eh?"

Ino thought that was a very good idea.

"Yeah. I guess I'm more tired than I realized."

_Woah...that was...**weird**! It's that letter...putting strange ideas in my head..._

Somehow, she managed to move from the futon to her own bed nearby, and snuggled beneath the down comforter, burying her face in her pillow.

"G'night, Ino," came Sakura's sleepy voice.

"Night, Sakura," she mumbled as she drifted off to sleep, one hand inching beneath the pillow to touch the paper...

The next morning Sakura and Ino woke a bit earlier than normal, Sakura because she thought it would be best to get back before Naruto woke ('he gets disoriented when he wakes up, and if I'm not there, he'll think he's in the twilight zone or something'), and Ino because Sakura was up.

She helped her friend gather the stuff she'd brought back into the duffel bag and walked her to the door.

"Again, thanks for letting me stay," Sakura said, and gave Ino another hug. "I'll give you a call. We're overdue for a shopping spree."

Ino laughed. "I believe you might be right."

"See ya!" Sakura called over her shoulder.

"Bye!"

Ino went back into her house and up the stairs to her room, trying to decide whether or not she wanted to sleep some more. Her bed looked so comfortable and welcoming that she couldn't resist falling back into it and was about to let her eyes close when she thought of the letter.

"I think I want to read it again," she said to herself, and reached under her pillow.

Her hand encountered nothing but sheet.

Eyes wide, she flung the pillow off of her bed.

Nothing.

_Okay, don't panic. It may have gotten stuck in the covers... _

Layer by layer, she stripped off every blanket and sheet from her bed, searching through each with meticulous attention.

Still nothing.

**Now** Ino began to panic.

She tore apart her entire room, searching in every nook and cranny at least four or five times, but to no avail. There was no trace of the letter anywhere.

"Where is it? Where is it?!" She screeched, her voice going up a few octaves. "I had it before I went to sleep! Where did it go?! Where??"

* * *

Luckily, Sakura returned home a few minutes before Naruto stirred, and she could not keep the smile from her face when she saw him on her bed, his hair even more disheveled than normal and his mouth open.

"Aww," she giggled as she unzipped her duffle bag. "He's so cute."

Upending the bag, its contents spilled out on the floor, and she went to put them away when her fingers brushed over something that felt like paper.

Naruto gave a snort, and sat upright, his eyes wild.

"What happened? Where am I? What—" He stopped when he saw his girlfriend on the floor, bent over what appeared to be a piece of paper. "Sakura-chan?"

She did not answer him right away. She was too shocked by what she held in her hands.

When she finally turned to face the bed, her eyes were wide and her jaw slack.

"Naruto, you're never going to believe this."

* * *

Uh-oh! Another cliffhanger! I'm sorry! ::waves red flag:: Don't hate me!

Can't decide if I want Sasuke to be in future chapters at mountain retreat/resort...hmm. Tricky. Ah well.

And Naru/Saku is not the main focus, although I adore 'em so.


	5. And the Noose Tightens

Hey guys! Thanks so much for reviewing! It always makes me feel good ::grins:: On we go!

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**Chapter 5: And the Noose Tightens**

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The concept of mornings did not appeal to Naruto in the slightest. He always ended up feeling lost when he woke and it took his brain more than a few minutes to catch up with the rest of his body most of the time. The entire waking process in general irritated him, and he was convinced that whoever came up with it had some sadistic design on all living creatures.

Obviously, the term 'morning person' did not have a spot in his mental dictionary.

This morning, however, his alertness was well above par, and he stared at Sakura with a brow cocked.

"Huh?"

"Look!" she exclaimed, and hopped up on the bed next to him, sticking the piece of paper under his nose.

_Oh boy,_ Naruto thought, _she's in one of her giggly, girly moods. _

He glanced at the paper, and saw Ino's name on top.

"Did you write Ino a note or something?" _Why is that such a big deal? _

Sakura rolled her eyes. "No!" She jabbed her finger at the letter. "Read it!"

"Okay, okay!"

As his eyes scanned over the paper, his expression went from groggy to amused, then **highly** amused. When he finished, he let out a low whistle.

"I'll be damned," he chortled. "Where did you get this?"

"I don't know. I think I must have packed it in with my stuff on accident when I was at Ino's last night. But, can you believe—"

"Woah," Naruto cut her off, confused. "You were at Ino's last night?"

Sakura grinned. "You didn't think I'd stick around here so I could be treated to another of your sleepwalking escapades, did you?"

Naruto blushed. A change of subject would be good right about now.

"So Shikamaru's got it bad for Ino, eh? Must have a thick hide, that guy." He laughed as he remembered a few of the passages, and started quoting them in a dramatic voice. "The truth is, if there's no you, there's no me. Everything that makes you who you are, I want to—"

He stopped short when Sakura smacked him—hard—on the arm.

"Don't make fun of Shikamaru! I think it's sweet!" She said, glaring daggers at him. "It's not like **you** ever write **me** letters."

Naruto flinched.

_Oh blast it..._

"Er..." he quailed underneath her piercing gaze. "Come on, Sakura-chan! I don't know how to write to save my life! I can barely even sign my own **name**!"

"Apparently Shikamaru can't, either, but he did a damn good job of it, now didn't he?" She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Naruto flinched again.

_I shouldn't have said anything..._

"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan! I—" He stopped himself when he remembered the events of last night. "That's what he was looking for!" He pointed to the letter enthusiastically. "I **knew** he was acting goofy!"

"What?"

"Shikamaru! He came out to the Borderlands yesterday when Kakashi and I were—reading," he moved back a bit in the bed when Sakura's eyes began to gleam with a crazed fire.

"**Those books**," she snarled, looking as if she wanted to rip someone's—Kakashi's—head off.

Naruto plowed on, determined to avoid an explosion. "So, he came out there, and he said he was looking for a list that his mom gave him, but now that I think about it, he was totally lying out his eyeballs."

"You know, Ino was acting strange, too," Sakura added, forgetting about her anger for the moment. "Though I can't say that I blame her. If this shocked me, I can't imagine how **she** reacted to it." Her expression became dreamy. "It's all so romantic! I wonder how long he's been in love with her? They'd make the most adorable couple, don't you think?" She gushed. "If that letter's any judge, he'd do anything for her."

Naruto snorted. "He always complained about how his father was whipped, but it looks like he's walking down the same road."

"So, what are we going to do about this?" Sakura asked, folding the letter back up.

Naruto did not make the connection.

"About what?"

"This!" Sakura waved the paper at him. "Shikamaru never meant to give it to Ino, but she got a hold of it somehow, and now **we** have it, so it's up to us to remedy the situation." She tapped her chin absently. "I don't think either of them are going to act unless they get a little nudge from an outside source, so..."

The wheels in Naruto's head began to turn. He put a few pieces together, and it clicked.

"So you're saying we should hook them up, right?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Sakura nodded. "But, I don't know how to go about doing it."

For once, Naruto had a plan when Sakura did not. He smirked.

"Simple. Your family's not using that house in the mountains now, are they? We can invite a bunch of buddies, including Shikamaru and Ino, of course, up there for a week. Call it an extended get-together among friends, you know?"

Sakura stared.

"Naruto, that's brilliant!" She clapped her hands together. "They won't suspect a thing if we have others come along! And, the house isn't all that big, so they won't have much room to hide from each other," she added, grinning wickedly. "I'll talk to the girls, and you talk to the guys. I'm thinking we'll head up this weekend, and stay through next week, okay?"

"Sounds good," Naruto replied, and yawned until his jaw cracked. "As of now, though, I'm going back to sleep."

And he did.

Sakura shook her head.

"You never change," she told the lump under her covers, smiling.

* * *

Incidentally, Shikamaru was the first person that Naruto ran in to later on that day while he walked the streets. This time, the dark-haired Chuunin really **did** have a list of things to get for his mother, and Naruto accompanied him as he picked up the remaining items.

While on the outside, Shikamaru appeared calm and collected, he felt anything but. He had barely been able to get to sleep the night before, and his anxiety over the letter grew with each passing minute. The only reason he didn't snap entirely was because he kept telling himself that the letter was probably fluttering around in pieces somewhere, and no one would ever be able to read it. The same voice that told him to take the letter to his training in the first place scoffed at that, but Shikamaru did his best to ignore it.

Some moments were harder than others.

Naruto had come along just in time, to tell the truth, because if he hadn't, Shikamaru would have lost it.

"What do you say to a vacation?" Naruto inquired as the two entered the grocer's shop. "I mean, we've all been working really hard lately, and I'd say we deserve it."

"Eh? A vacation?" Shikamaru said as he examined some tomatoes. "What kind of vacation are we talking about here?"

_I have to find the letter! I don't have time for a vacation! _

"Sakura's family owns a house near the mountains. It's vacant now, and her mom and dad said it was okay for us to use it. Come on, you can't say no to that. It'll be a blast, trust me."

Hmm...that may not be so bad. It would get me away from my problems for a little bit, and I can't complain about that...

"I guess so," he conceded.

"Does that mean you're coming?"

"Sure."

"All right!" Naruto smacked Shikamaru on the back. "We're meeting at Sakura's on Saturday morning at nine. I'd stick around here for a bit longer, but I've got to track down the rest of the guys. Later!"

Naruto blew out of the shop, leaving Shikamaru to his thoughts, and his tomatoes.

He sighed.

_I wonder who else will be tagging along? It's Sakura's house, so she'll be there, obviously. And I'm sure she'll be bringing friends, too..._

He just remembered the hitch.

_Ino and Sakura are best friends. _

Things do not look good for Nara Shikamaru.

* * *

Sakura and Ino walked through a crowded shopping mall, searching for stores that had sales. Ino already carried three large bags, and Sakura four. When she said shopping spree, she certainly meant it.

"Shoes!" She said, and took Ino by the arm, dragging her into a store across the way. Once there, she honed in on a pair of sandals, leaving Ino to her own devices.

After searching through her room a few more times, she proceeded to prowl through her entire house, looking anywhere and everywhere for the letter. She even searched through the trashcans, which had been disgusting, but she was desperate. Luckily, Sakura called her before she could tear all of her hair out, and now she was here. Spending money always makes one feel much better, especially if that money is spent on oneself.

"You aren't doing anything next week, are you?" Sakura asked over Ino's shoulder. She held the sandals in her hands, and motioned for Ino to sit by her while she tried them on.

"No, I don't think so," Ino said. "Those look cute on you."

"I think I'm going to get them," she replied, grinning. "So you're free?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Naruto and I were talking, and we thought it would be fun to have a group of friends up at the mountain house. It's been a long time since the gang has been able to hang out together, you know? Please say you'll come. It wouldn't be the same without you."

_The mountain house? Well...I **have** always wanted to go there after everything that Sakura's said about it. And I **could** use a vacation right about now..._

"You know what? That sounds wonderful. Count me in."

"Really?"

"Really."

It wasn't until she got home that she actually thought about who could be among the party, and after she did, she wanted to cry, or scream, or do both at the same time.

Shikamaru and Naruto were good friends, and in all probability, he would be there, too.

Things do not look good for Yamanaka Ino.

* * *

Naruto discovered while he was out that Kiba, Shino, and Choji were all off on missions, and no one was sure when they would be back. He had been a little disappointed, but the person that he **did** manage to find all but made up for it.

"Gaara!" He shouted, "Wait up!"

The red-haired Sand-nin tried to pretend like he hadn't seen Naruto, but it was already too late.

_Blast it...he's got that 'I want to talk' look on his face..._

"What do you want?" Gaara said acidly. "I've been training all day, and I'm tired, so I'd advise you not to pester me."

Naruto waved that off. "Listen, I'm having a get-together—"

"NO," Gaara interrupted. "Don't even bother wasting your breath, Naruto, because I'm not going."

"Yes, you are," Naruto told him. "You never go out, you never have vacations, you never do anything except train and sleep! Come on! We're going to the mountains! That means skiing, and ice skating, and sledding, and—"

While Naruto rattled off a list of other 'fun' activities, Gaara's right eye began to twitch.

Not a good sign.

Whenever Gaara's eye twitched, everyone in the vicinity knew to get the **hell** out of dodge, or suffer the consequences. Naruto, however, was a different breed, and he did not even notice.

"Naruto," he said between clenched teeth, "why would **I **want to go to a **mountain** and be stuck in a **house** with **people**?"

Naruto regarded his friend with a level gaze. The smile he wore made him look more like a fox than normal.

"Because if you don't, I'll give every eligible girl in Konoha the address to your apartment."

Ah, blackmail.

Gaara's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, and the twitching became more pronounced.

"_You wouldn't dare_."

"Do you want to try me?"

_I'll kill him, I'll kill him, I'll kill him, I'LL KILL HIM!_

"I hate you," he growled.

"Nobody's perfect," Naruto said innocently.

"Why are you having this little 'get-together,' anyway?" Gaara could not help but ask. If he was being dragged in on it, he wanted to have a reason.

"Oh, to help friends in need."

_I'll kill him..._ "Explain, please."

"Ino and Shikamaru are clueless, so we're all gonna give 'em a hand."

_What the hell? Why do **I **have to go along?_

"What's all this about?"

Naruto froze.

That drawling voice he'd heard many times before, and it set his teeth on edge.

Uchiha Sasuke.

_Damn it!_ Naruto thought.

_Saved!_ Thought Gaara.

"Well?" Said Sasuke.

"Uh..."

* * *

"So, who did you get to come?" Sakura asked into the phone. She was sitting on her bed and applying bright red polish on her toenails. Balancing the phone on one shoulder was a skill that she had perfected through the years.

"Well, Shikamaru is a yes. He was the first person I talked to. Kiba, Shino, and Choji are on missions, so they're out. I found Gaara and he's coming—"

"He **is**?" Sakura blinked. "Are you kidding me? He actually agreed to come?" Her eyes narrowed. "You didn't force him, did you?"

"No!" Naruto answered a bit too quickly. "He thinks it'll be fun!"

Sakura nearly spilled the polish all over herself.

_Gaara and fun do **not** go together._

"If you're lying to me, I'll make sure you regret it," she said sweetly.

"I'm not!" Naruto insisted. _O-ho, yes I am!_ "So, he's coming, and...soareSasukeandLee," he finished quickly.

For a second time, Sakura nearly coated herself in red polish.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"I...I...I'm sorry! Sasuke overheard me talking to Gaara, and Lee just kind of appeared, and...and I couldn't do anything!"

_Wonderful._

"Naruto, you—know—how—they—act—around—me," she said slowly, emphasizing each word. "This is going to be bedlam! And do you realize that Ino and I are going to be the ONLY GIRLS IN A HOUSE FULL OF STUPID BOYS?"

Naruto actually had to hold the phone away from his ear.

"What? Why? Didn't you talk to your girlfriends?"

"They're all away!" Sakura shrieked.

Oh dear.

"Um...well...at least our vacation won't be boring, right?"

Most definitely **not** boring.

More like chaotic.

Sakura buried her head in her hands.

* * *

Ino paced back and forth in her bedroom, trying to think of a way to back out of this, but she came up with nothing. She knew that Sakura was counting on her to come, and she couldn't snub her now.

"Oh no," she groaned, flinging herself on her bed. "What am I going to **do**? What am I going to **say**? And where—is—that—blasted—letter?"

Meanwhile, Shikamaru also paced back and forth in his room, contemplating how quickly he would die if he were to hurl himself out his window. After some careful consideration, however, he came to the conclusion that that course of action would be far too messy, and require too much energy.

"Damn it! How do I always get myself into this stuff? Why me?" He implored to the ceiling. "And where—is—that—blasted—letter?"

Witness our two lovebirds speaking the same sentence.

Fate works in strange ways.

But there is always room for it to become stranger...

* * *

Yes, Sasuke is in...but he's going to be comic relief ONLY...I'm not a huge fan of his right now...::grumbles:: So, the gang in a house in the mountains! What can happen? Lots of crazy stuff! Poor, poor Shika...poor, poor Ino...they don't stand a chance!

In response to chibified kitsunes, I have no idea how long this is going to be...I'm sort of writing on the fly, you know? ::grins:: And I have a nice muse...

And Sakura said, "I'll be there yesterday," because she meant I'll be there ASAP (responding to YUB YUB)

And, to ALL my reviewers, I give you my most sincere thanks...you've all been so encouraging, and you keep me motivated! MUAH! (and you rock, Smiter!)


	6. This Bed Isn't Big Enough for the Both o...

Ah, back hasn't started getting uber crazy yet, so I was able to whip this chapter out ::grins:: Hope y'all enjoy!

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* * *

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**Chapter 6: This Bed Isn't Big Enough for the Both of Us!**

* * *

Ino woke on Saturday morning feeling as if her stomach were about to combust. The week flew by in a blink, which was typical, of course, because she wanted the weekend to stay far, far away. During the week, she'd done everything under the sun to avoid seeing Shikamaru, going so far as to fake sick on Wednesday, the day she was to meet with Asuma for more weapons practice. Her former sensei bought the act, much to her relief.

From her phone conversations with Sakura, she discovered that her suspicions were true, and that Shikamaru would indeed be at the mountain house. The pink-haired girl had the air of a person who knows something she shouldn't, and Ino could not help but become quite wary of her best friend.

She had something up her sleeve, of that Ino was certain.

The weight of impending doom settled on her shoulders, and she could do nothing to be rid of it.

By the time Saturday rolled around, her sanity came close to jumping straight over the edge.

"Oh lord...how am I going to do this? How am I going to be able to live in a house with him for a week?" She asked her open suitcase. Articles of clothing managed to find their way in, though exactly **how**, one can only guess. "And I still don't know where that letter went! How am I going to face him if I know that I took something I wasn't supposed to, and then I **lost** it??"

The suitcase appeared forlorn as it stared up at her, clothing shoved pell-mell in every spare inch of space.

Ino heaved a sigh that would have made Shikamaru proud.

"I'm going to die. That's all there is to it."

* * *

Shikamaru paced.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

His packed bags sat before him on his bed, but they provided him with absolutely no consolation.

After some heated discussion with Naruto, he learned that Ino would be gracing the mountain house with her presence.

Fantastic.

The blonde girl had not shown up on Wednesday for weapons practice, which Shikamaru found to be a very good thing, as he would not only have made a complete fool of himself, but also dropped dead in the process.

And then, of course, the issue with the letter had not yet been resolved.

It was still just as missing as it had been a few days ago, and Shikamaru was still just as distressed as he had been when he **realized** that the letter was missing.

"This vacation is going to be the end of me."

The bags voiced no disagreement.

* * *

Gaara did not know how to pack bags. He never had a reason to pack them before, seeing as that he never went on extended trips save those his rank required him to, but even then, he took very little along with him.

"Look, this is a suitcase," Naruto said, motioning to the piece of luggage he'd brought over to Gaara's apartment Friday afternoon. "See all the little compartments and stuff? You put things in them, like socks and underwear and all that, and then you put clothes here," he pointed to the biggest compartment in the suitcase. "It's easy, trust me. I mean, if I can do it, I know you can."

"Easy?" Gaara muttered. No matter what he did, he could not seem to make anything fit, and he was becoming quite frustrated, to say the least. Naruto also told him to take along plenty of warm clothes, because it could get very cold in the mountains.

Gaara hated being cold. He'd lived in the desert for most of his life, and he'd gotten used to the scalding heat.

Cold translated as misery.

Therefore, the red haired Sand-nin chose to bring his entire selection of warm clothing.

The suitcase, apparently, disagreed with him on the matter.

It said—if suitcases could talk—'if you even **try** to put one more thing in here, I'll **eat** you.'

Frustration, frustration, frustration.

"Damn it!" Gaara shouted. "Why—won't—you—close?"

Drastic measures would be needed about now.

"If you don't close, I'll sit on you," he told the suitcase menacingly.

The suitcase still did not comply.

Gaara's eye began to twitch.

"That's it! You're being sat on!"

He sat.

And was immediately ejected when the suitcase sprang back open.

"**DAMN YOU!**"

Never allow red-haired Sand-nins to pack their own bags, or something of this sort may happen.

* * *

Naruto and Sakura waited on the steps for their friends to arrive on Saturday morning, both thinking completely different things.

_If I make it through this week without killing anyone, I'll be more than happy,_ thought Sakura.

_Sasuke better not try anything with MY Sakura-chan, or I'll rip all of his limbs off and use 'em as coat hangers, _thought Naruto.

_I swear, if Lee or Sasuke even DREAM of pulling something, they're toast. We're supposed to be focusing on Shikamaru and Ino! They'd better be a couple by the end of this, or someone's gonna die,_thought Sakura.

_I hope Gaara didn't hurt himself packing, or I'm in trouble,_ thought Naruto.

"NARUTO! YOU'RE DEAD!"

Both Naruto and Sakura were jolted out of their thoughts.

Sakura gasped.

Naruto dove behind Sakura and cowered.

Gaara walked up the lane, dragging a duct-taped suitcase behind him, a wild look on his face. When he got close enough, he deftly reached behind Sakura, grabbed Naruto's shirt collar, and hauled him up so that they were face to face.

"_You said packing would be easy_," he snarled.

Naruto laughed nervously. "Uh...what happened?" _Oh good lord..._

Gaara's eyes went wide. "What happened? What happened? _Do you see my suitcase?_"

"Er..." Naruto looked at the suitcase. "Oh."

Sakura decided to speak. For whatever reason, her voice could usually calm Gaara whenever he was in one of these moods, and she figured now would be a good time to use it.

"Gaara, it's okay," she soothed, gently prying Naruto's shirt out of his grasp. "You got here in one piece, right? Everything's fine."

Slowly, Gaara's madness began to recede, and he looked at Sakura like a lost puppy.

"It is?" He blinked.

"Yes, it is," she said, patting his shoulder. "Why don't you sit down on the step, now, okay?"

"Okay," Gaara said, and seated himself.

Naruto, meanwhile, returned to cowering behind Sakura.

"I almost died," he said into her back.

When Shikamaru came down the lane, he saw Gaara sitting on the step with his eyes glazed over, Sakura trying to calm an apparently distraught Naruto, and...Naruto cowering behind Sakura.

"What the hell happened here?" Shikamaru asked.

"Don't ask," Sakura said, her arms now about Naruto's shuddering frame. She motioned with her head in Gaara's direction, and mouthed, 'we barely avoided danger.'

At once, Shikamaru understood.

"Gotcha."

A minute later, Sasuke and Lee came down the lane, glaring daggers at each other.

"I don't see why **you **have to go, too," Lee was saying rather loudly.

"To keep tabs on **you**, thick brows," Sasuke growled.

Sakura and Shikamaru grimaced.

"This is already looking bad," Shikamaru observed.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Sakura agreed.

"I almost died!" Naruto whimpered.

"I know, hon, but you didn't," Sakura told him, rubbing his back.

As Sasuke and Lee got closer, their arguing became more—intense. Sakura and Shikamaru winced again. Gaara, on the other hand, did not notice, nor care. He still sat on the steps with his eyes glazed, pondering his eventual death by too much interaction with other human beings.

Sasuke and Lee continued arguing, even when they were right in front of Sakura, the person whom they were arguing **about. **

Naruto began to come out of his 'post-traumatic shock syndrome,' and a vein pulsed in his forehead.

Ino chose that moment to arrive.

"Hey guys!" She said cheerfully, though on the inside, she wanted to throw up. _Oh no...there's Shikamaru...what now? Do I look okay? Does...wait! Why do I care if he thinks I look okay? I don't! Snap out of it, Ino!_

Shikamaru's insides squirmed at the sight of Ino.

_Her ponytail is swishing...that's so cute! Does she have any idea how adorable she is? I...woah, woah, woah! Knock it off, Shikamaru! Not now!_

"Hey, Ino!" Sakura said, trying to hold Naruto back by his arms while shooting Lee and Sasuke the Death Glare at the same time.

"Uh, is everything okay?" Ino asked nervously. She avoided eye contact with Shikamaru at all costs.

"Oh, it's just happy happy!" Sakura said, her voice rising. "We're all one big, happy family, and we're going to have fun, aren't we?"

The last part of the sentence was screeched, and everyone in the vicinity grew silent. They all knew the Voice, and they all knew what to do when Sakura used it.

"Yeah!" Naruto said, forcing himself to smile. "It's gonna be great!" _And pigs will fly..._

"Uh-huh!" Ino nodded, also wearing a forced smile. "I'm really excited!" _Not..._

After a glare from Naruto, the remaining three boys—save Gaara—chorused, "Fun!"

"Raincheck," said Gaara.

Unfortunately, what happened **after** Gaara spoke is censored, because...well, it was bloody, and this story is PG...

* * *

The mountain house was a quaint little place nestled in among pine trees, the snow coating the ground like a blanket of white. There were plenty of hills perfect for skiing—and sledding—and a frozen lake that would serve as a natural ice-skating rink.

Inside the house there are two bedrooms, a master and a guest. There is also a large common room of sorts, with nice couches—good for guests to sleep on, of course—a fireplace, and a pool table off to the side for—you guessed it—playing pool.

The kitchen branched off from the common room, and there is a large table for guests to eat at—ah, togetherness—as well as your standard stove and microwave, and other objects one finds in a kitchen.

Now, the disbursing of sleeping areas.

Naruto and Sakura, obviously, would occupy the master bedroom.

Sasuke, Lee, and Gaara would each take a couch.

This leaves the guest bedroom for Shikamaru and Ino, since the house **was** small, and there would be no room for them to sleep anyplace else.

Period.

"Wait, what? Oh, you—you're joking, right?" Ino inquired in as calm a manner as she could muster. _No. No. NO. NO. NOOO!!_

Shikamaru was thinking along the same lines.

"Yeah! I mean—you're not expecting us to...share a bed, are you?" _This is it...I'm officially going to die..._

Sakura smiled sweetly at the pair of them.

"Oh, come now. We have to make do with what we've got, don't we?"

Her sickly sweet smile grew wider as both participants in the bed-sharing marathon quailed.

"I'm sorry, guys, but there's nothing else I can do. The boys already have the couches, and you can't sleep on the floor, because that would just be silly. Plus, there's no room on the floor. You're going to have to suck it up and deal with it."

Meanwhile, Gaara sat huddled in as many blankets that could possibly be piled on a person, his teeth chattering.

The mountains were not cold.

They were freezing.

"I'm gonna kill him, and then I'm gonna kill him again, and then I'm gonna kill him **again**, and I'm gonna keep killing him until he's **dead**!" Gaara muttered, his eyes on Naruto. "And then I'm gonna **eat** his **liver**, and I'm never talking to him **again**! And if my blood freezes in my veins, he's **dead**!"

His eye twitched.

Violently.

Naruto cowered.

Sasuke and Lee prudently made their way into the kitchen for food.

"You'd better not **touch** my Ho-Ho's, thick brows," Sasuke said.

"I'll touch what I want!" Lee growled, pushing past Sasuke.

More arguing.

Back to the couch.

"Sakura!" Gaara shouted. "My **eye** is twitching! _Do something_!"

Sakura immediately ran from Shikamaru and Ino to the couch.

"Oh!! Happy thoughts, Gaara! Happy thoughts!" Sakura wracked her brain frantically. "Naruto in a meat-grinder!" She blurted.

Gaara's eye stopped twitching.

He laughed the same frightening laugh that he laughed when he was killing people.

Naruto's mouth hung open.

"Sakura! You want me to—die?" His eyes began pooling with tears.

The pink-haired girl moaned. She had forgotten that Naruto was close by, and she knew how very sensitive he could be.

"No!" She exclaimed, moving from the couch to her boyfriend. She whispered in his ear, "I love you, stupid! But...bad things happen when Gaara's eye twitches! Remember the last time? I thought he was going to kill everything within two centimeters of him!"

"But a **meat grinder**? That's...cruel!" The tears continued pooling.

Sakura counted to ten, her temper rising.

"I didn't **mean** it, Naruto **dear**. I was just **calming** Gaara **down**."

"I'll bet you wish I'd die so you can be with Sasuke," said Naruto.

Bad move.

Very bad.

"WHAT?" Sakura shrieked. "WHAT?" Taking Naruto by the ear, she proceeded to drag him bodily to the master bedroom, and slammed the door shut behind her. The sounds of her yelling were muffled, though all those at the mountain house heard it.

Naruto emerged three hours later, as pale as a ghost. No one questioned him, and no one questioned Sakura when she too came out of the room, her hair on end. She walked into the kitchen without a word and started preparing dinner. Ino joined her.

Shikamaru, a now calm Gaara, Sasuke, and Lee watched football while scarfing bags of pork-rinds and yelling obscenities at the television.

_I have to sleep in the same bed...as Shikamaru...I have to be close to him...like, close enough to touch..._

Ino thought as she diced carrots, not paying attention to her slices. They were getting smaller and smaller as she went. Sakura looked over at her by chance.  
"Ino! Be careful! You're going to cut yourself!"

"Huh?" Ino eyed the knife in her hands, and then her carrot slices. "Oh...whoops."

Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"Mind wandering?"

"Yeah, something like that," Ino replied.

Sakura concealed a grin. "Pay attention with that knife, eh?"

"Sure," Ino replied absently. _Sleeping...with Shikamaru..._

Shikamaru pretended to be watching football, but he could not seem to concentrate on anything other than the fact that, in a few hours, he would be in a bed with Ino.

Alone.

As frightening a thought as it was...appealing.

_Don't start being a lecher, Shikamaru! Get rid of those thoughts! Bad! You aren't that type of person! Don't let Naruto rub off on you!_

His thoughts were interrupted when Naruto and Gaara leaped off the couch and started hollering. Apparently, they supported the same team, and their team just scored a touchdown. Shikamaru watched as they slapped each other high-fives and did an odd little victory dance, a sweatdrop forming on the back of his head. Sasuke and Lee sank back against the couch, moping.

Their team was getting pummeled.

In the midst of Gaara and Naruto's euphoria, they struck up a conversation about Sakura, because they were too depressed to watch the television.

"Sakura-san was disillusioned when she got with Naruto," Lee said matter-of-factly.

"I agree. He did some brainwashing. I mean, what does that idiot have over the two of us?" _Or, me, more like. I'm a hell of a lot better looking than Lee...I mean, that **hair**!_

_What's he talking about? He doesn't have anything on me...Sasuke's a porcupine on steroids..._ "Yeah! What does she see in him, anyway?"

Even though he was still celebrating, Naruto caught on to the conversation, and he did not care for it.

"Excuse me?" He said, his eyes narrowing. "You weren't talking about, oh, I don't know...**me** were you?"

Sasuke and Lee froze.

"Er..." Said Lee.

"No," said Sasuke. "We were discussing the advantages of having a plasma T.V. as opposed to a regular T.V."

Naruto stared. "Is that so? I could have sworn I heard Sakura mentioned in there somewhere, and I don't know what she has to do with plasma and regular T.V.'s."

Sasuke faltered a bit. "She has nothing to do with them! Where are you coming up with this stuff?"

Gaara turned around. "They were talking about Sakura, and they called you an idiot. You weren't hearing things." He faced the screen again.

Naruto smiled and cracked his knuckles. "That's what I thought."

Again, what happened next is censored, because it was bloody.

Very bloody.

After dinner, Sasuke and Lee fell onto their perspective couches and went to sleep, mostly because their eyes were swollen shut, and they couldn't do anything else **but** sleep. Gaara discovered the delights of a GameBoy, given him by Sakura to amuse himself with, so he sat on **his** couch and giggled—yes, giggled—while he played. Sakura decided that it was bedtime for her and Naruto, so the two of them disappeared into their room—and NO, nothing naughty happened. This is PG, remember?

The only two left without something to do were Shikamaru and Ino, the main characters of our story.

Ino looked at Shikamaru.

Shikamaru looked at Ino.

Gulp.

"Um...well...I guess we should...go to bed too, huh?" Ino said, a blush inching into her cheeks.

"Oh...uh, yeah. I guess so." The same blush found its way to Shikamaru's cheeks.

The room they were to share was cozy, to say the least. The queen-sized bed took up most of the space, and two oak nightstands stood on either side of it. One dresser stood across from the bed, with two drawers each for Shikamaru and Ino.

"This is...nice," Ino said, nervously fingering her hair. _I can't breathe...I'm suffocating...too...close..._

"Yeah, really nice," Shikamaru replied dumbly. _Why do I feel so hot all of a sudden? _"Er...do you need to...change?"

_What? Change? What is he talking about? Is he...a pervert, too?? No, no, that can't be! Pajamas! _

"Yeah, actually...um...I'll just...go in this bathroom, okay? And you can change in here."

Shikamaru nodded. He could not bring his mouth to form words.

Ino grabbed one of her bags and closed herself in the bathroom, realizing when she unzipped the bag that she'd only brought her slinky silk nightgown. She often became hot in the middle of the night, and she liked to sleep in as little as possible.

"Oh no!" She groaned when she held up the nightie. "I can't go out there in this! He'll think I'm easy!"

_And why do you care what he thinks?_ Said a voice in her head. _It makes no difference to you, does it? It isn't as if you love him. Silly girl. Letting a stupid little piece of paper influence you..._

"That's right! I don't care what he thinks! It's **my** nightie, and I'll wear it if I want to!"

Slipping out of her clothes, Ino drew the nightgown over her head and flung the door open.

And caught sight of some tush.

She gaped.

And gaped.

And gaped.

_Oh...oh my..._

Shikamaru finally noticed that he was not alone in the room, and yanked his boxers on, his face positively red.

"Ino! Why didn't you say something?" He yelped, truly wanting to die.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" _Not really...he has a nice—STOP!_

Shikamaru noticed Ino's attire, and it was a miracle that his nose didn't start gushing blood. The nightgown clung to her body in all the right places, hugging her curves...

_Woah...wow...NO! Stop, stop, stop!_

"Well, I'm tired," Ino said, and moved over to the bed, burrowing as far under the covers as she could. She willed her eyes to close, and stay closed.

_You are tired, Ino. Tired. Go to sleep. Ignore Shikamaru. That's easy, right? _

She pictured the sight that greeted her when she exited the bathroom.

_**Tired!** Sleep! NOW! _

Somehow, she managed to drift off to sleep, not even stirring when Shikamaru's weight shifted the mattress.

_Okay, she's out...just don't move too much..._

As carefully as he could, Shikamaru rolled over on his side, and attempted to fall asleep. He was in between the dreaming world and the waking world when he felt an arm slam up against his back.

"Ow!" He grunted, and angled his head over his shoulder. Ino was still fast asleep, but she was now facing him, and her arm was draped over his back.

_Oh crap...now what? _Shikamaru tried to maneuver himself into a more comfortable position without disturbing Ino. He ended up on his back. Ino's arm, however, had not moved. Shikamaru's breathing sped up.

"I can handle this," he told himself. "It's just an arm. It's not poisonous or anything."

His eyes closed.

About a half an hour later, the other arm joined the first.

Shikamaru's eyes shot open.

He looked down.

Ino's head was buried in his side.

Double crap.

"Calm, Shikamaru," he said. "If you move, she'll wake up, and then you'll get hurt, because she'll blame this on you. That's what Ino does. Go back to sleep."

So he did.

Another half hour later, Ino in her entirety was on top of him.

Shikamaru's eyes shot open yet again.

He looked down.

Ino mumbled something incoherent before nuzzling close, gripping Shikamaru tight as if he were a pillow.

Resigned, Shikamaru sighed, and finally fell asleep.

* * *

The surface beneath her was wonderfully warm and solid when Ino woke, which made no sense, since mattresses are supposed to be springy, of course.

_What on earth?_

She went to stretch, but found that task to be a little difficult. Two powerful, yet gentle arms were wrapped around her, holding her snugly in place. Her eyes traveled upward, and she saw Shikamaru's sleeping face. Her eyes moved downward. She was sprawled on top of him, and their legs were tangled together.

Silence.

For all of two seconds.

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

* * *

Woah...that was a loooong chapter! ::grins:: Completely off the wall, too, I know. This story is so much fun to write! (The Ho-Ho comment was just for you, Alpha!) And to the Naru/Saku FC members, I love all y'all!

And to all my reviewers, yet again, you are my motivators! THANK YOU!!! ::grins::

Next...fun skiing!! WOOOOT!!!!


	7. To Ski or Not to Ski, That is the Questi...

ARGH!! ::tearing out hair:: School is becoming SO FRUSTRATING!! The course load this quarter is really wearing me out, so bear with me, guys. I'm trying my hardest to update in a timely fashion, though it's proving a bit difficult...

**To my reviewers:** Cookie time! ::tosses out tons of cookies:: This is my first story with over a hundred reviews! I was amazed to see how many people are taking time to read it!! Made me all warm and fuzzy inside I appreciate all of them!! Thank you!

Special thanks go to my beta-reader, **saphira11** Thank you!!

And, once again, to the Naru/Saku FC, you all have been so encouraging!! I HEART you guys!!

On we go!

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**Chapter 7: To Ski, or Not to Ski, That is the Question**

* * *

"AIEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

Shikamaru woke with a start. The piercing shriek that greeted his ears made him feel as if his head were about to split wide open.

"What the—"

He shrank as far back against the pillows as he could manage without actually sinking through the mattress. Not possible, no, but preferable? Oh yes.

It is safe to say that nothing had ever frightened him more than the sight he bore witness to at present.

Nothing.

Not even his mother when she became angry with him and began waving sharp objects in his face. Not even the biggest, most horrible beasties that he'd gone up against during his career as a ninja. And he'd encountered some nasty ones, to be sure.

No, none of them came remotely close to the hellfire that radiated from the figure crouched near him, a crazed madness in her cerulean eyes.

The Grim Reaper himself would have been put to shame.

"_SHIKAMARU!_"

Never before had Ino's voice so resembled that of an infidel.

Shikamaru inched back a little more, sending up a silent prayer to the gods, begging them to spare his insignificant existence on earth. It was a rare thing for him to solicit divine intervention, but circumstances dictated that such an action would be his only hope of survival.

_If you can hear me, whoever's up there—SAVE ME!!!_

Not the most eloquent of requests, but perfectly suitable for the situation.

Ino, however, did not seem to feel that any deity had a right to sway her indignation upon discovering that certain molestations to her person had occurred while she slept, and promptly shattered Shikamaru's feeble attempts to escape with his hide.

In other words, the dark-haired Chuunin did not stand a chance against her wrath.

Most troublesome, indeed.

"_What in HELL were you doing?"_ Ino snarled, crawling ever closer, the gleam not leaving her eyes. A chilling grin split her face, and Shikamaru cringed.

He decided it might be prudent to defend himself.

"It wasn't—I mean—this isn't—"

Not a very good defense.

In an instant, Ino's face hovered directly before his.

"_Thought you could take advantage of an innocent girl, did you?_" She said, and grabbed either of his wrists, her nails digging into the tender flesh. "_Thought you could cop a feel without me knowing, eh?_"

Such an accusation spurned Shikamaru's mouth to work.

"That's not true!" He squawked, flailing his arms—with Ino still attached, mind. The movement sent her crashing back to her previous position atop him, which only increased her fury.

"PERVERT!" She shrieked.

_Crap!_ "Ino! I didn't mean to do that! I'm not a pervert, I swear!"

Sakura sat bolt upright when she heard a screech from the guest bedroom that only could have been produced by her best friend.

_Uh-oh...that can't be good..._

"Naruto!" She said, grasping his shoulders and shaking him roughly awake.

"Earthquake!" He yelped.

"Come on!" Sakura grabbed his hand and yanked him out of bed. "Something happened!"

"Huh?" Naruto managed to blurt before he was deprived the comfort of the quilts he'd been under. "Saaa-kuu-raaaa!!! I'm tired!" He whined, though she paid him no heed.

Meanwhile, in the common room, Sasuke and Lee woke at the same time when they, too, heard the commotion.

"What was that?" Sasuke muttered, rubbing at his still-swollen eyes.

"I dunno," Lee replied through a yawn. "Sounded like a banshee or something."

"Should we check it out?"

"Uh—" Lee began, but was cut off by the occupant on the remaining couch.

"AUGH!"

Gaara thrashed in his blankets, having suddenly been tossed out of a sound sleep. When his hands grasped the object he sought, he lifted the GameBoy to his face, his features troubled.

"DAMN IT! I FORGOT TO SAVE!! NOW I HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN!"

His eye twitched.

Sasuke and Lee exchanged glances. Without a sound, both boys got to their feet and quickly made their getaway, slinking down the hall towards the guest room.

Gaara had the urge to chuck the GameBoy against the wall, but after some serious contemplation, he came to the conclusion that it would be difficult to play if the thing was in pieces, and he really didn't **want** to destroy it, when all was said and done.

"You got off easy this time," he told the tiny animated Link who dashed across the screen. "I'll kill you if it happens again."

Link ignored him.

"Humph!" Gaara said, though he soon recovered from his irritation and became engrossed in the game, giggling all the while.

Before the guest room, Sakura and Naruto encountered Sasuke and Lee. Together, four ears were pressed against the door, straining to hear what was happening on the other side.

This is, more or less, what they made out:

"You are TOO a pervert!"

"No I am NOT!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"I was practically NAKED, and I woke up on top of you!"

"That's because YOU are an erratic sleeper!"

"ME? It's your fault!"

"My fault? My fault? Oh, that's SO typical, Ino. Whenever something goes wrong, you automatically blame it on me!"

"I do not!"

"Yes you do! You've been doing it since we were kids!"

A pause.

"I have?"

"Yeah, you have."

Another pause.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

A third, longer pause.

"I...why didn't you tell me before?"

"Oh, I don't know. I wanted to keep you happy, I guess, and bossing me around always makes you happy."

"That isn't true! It...doesn't...I'm sorry, Shikamaru. I really had no idea..."

The group huddled at the door leaned in closer, their breaths held.

"BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU WERE GROPING ME WHILE I SLEPT!"

Ah, so close to escape, but no cigar.

"Don't die, Link! Keep going! Run, you little bastard, run!" Gaara's voice traveled down the hall. "Go! No!! Don't stop!! GYAH!!!"

Naruto's brow furrowed. "Is Gaara playing Zelda?" He whispered in his girlfriend's ear.

"Yeah," she whispered back. "I gave him your GameBoy—AUGH!"

The door opened, and all those using it as a support tumbled forward.

"Ow!! Get off, idiot! You're heavy!" Lee grunted, trying to disentangle himself from Sasuke.

"Oh, pardon me for not being able to control gravity, thick brows!" Sasuke snapped. "Naruto! My hair!"

"OOF," was all that the blonde could reply. Sakura's landing had knocked the wind out of him.

Ino managed to back away just in time to avoid becoming a human pancake, and she observed this display with hands on hips, her face a healthy shade of red. Shikamaru, meanwhile, sat on the bed with his head in his hands, nursing a rather large, stinging welt on his cheek. He did not notice the commotion, as he was too preoccupied with both the pain and the cursing of females with every vile oath he could think of, all uttered under his breath, of course.

_Were they all listening? _Ino thought, her annoyance steadily rising. _What wonderful friends I have..._

"You...you...oh, move out of the way," she growled, wading through the mass of bodies in her path, her heavy footsteps echoing ominously. When she reached the kitchen, she began slamming cupboards open, swearing at the top of her lungs.

On the couch, Gaara looked up from his game.

_Her temper could rival mine...impressive._

He looked back down at the screen.

"NOOO!"

Link died again.

More swearing on all fronts.

"Ino!" Sakura yelled, recovering enough to pick herself up and race after her friend. "Be careful in there! Don't touch anything with an edge!"

"OOF!" Naruto had the wind knocked out of him again. "_Women!_" he groaned.

"Ow!! Naruto! My HAIR!"

Lee snickered, and received something that was a cross between a glare and a grimace from Sasuke.

Shikamaru finally came out of his stupor and examined the scene. His eyebrows shot up.

"What are you guys doing on the floor?"

"Writing a report on carpet stitching," Sasuke deadpanned, his dark locks still trapped beneath Naruto. "What—do—you—think—?" Each word was punctuated with a tug on his hair. "We're being the morons that we are! Is that any surprise? HA!" He sat up, finally free.

"So I take it you heard everything, then?" Shikamaru inquired, not sure whether he felt like being miffed or not.

"More or less," Lee replied, getting to his feet. He grinned shrewdly. "Your little lady's in a right fix. I never expected **you** to be the next closet pervert among us."

"Woah, woah, woah!" Shikamaru burst out. "How many times do I have to tell you people? I am not a pervert! It's **her**! What was I supposed to do? She—" He stopped mid sentence. "What do you mean, **my **little lady? She's not **my **anything!"

Inside he panicked.

_Did Lee find the letter?? He must have! And he read it! I know he did! Why else would he have said something like that?_

The other three boys exchanged significant looks.

"Aw, Lee was just joking around, that's all," Naruto said, nodding matter-of-factly. "Since you and Ino shared the bed, and...yeah."

_Smooth...**real** smooth, idiot._

"Oh!" Lee caught on. "I wasn't implying that you like her! I mean, why would I have reason to think something like that?"

_I should've kept my mouth shut..._

Sasuke did not voice an opinion, because he was using most of his effort to keep a straight face, and any other motions would have cracked the mask.

Whether he was too distraught to use common sense or some other factor unknown, Shikamaru began to calm a bit then. Now, if he had been in his right mind, he would have suspected a plot, but so many things had happened in so short a time that his brain seemingly shut down.

"Yeah, that's right," he said. "There's no reason for you to think that I like her! Because I don't." He crossed his arms over his chest. "She's loud, and she's bossy, and she's really demanding, and she'd make my life miserable!"

_Go ahead and think that, pal, if it'll make you feel better. But you and I both know that you're lying. The letter is proof. You meant every word on that page, Nara Shikamaru._

The dry voice had reappeared.

_Shut up! _He told it. _I don't need to hear this now! _

_You're going to have to face facts eventually. Why evade them?_

Those inner voices can be so pesky sometimes...

_Look, would you just go away? I never should have written that blasted letter...and I still don't know where it went! _

_I wouldn't worry about that presently. Your friends are going to become suspicious if you continue staring off into space while conversing with voices in your head. In some circles, such behavior hints at insanity._

_**You** started this, not me! Oh..._

Shikamaru realized his folly, and cursed. Naruto, Sasuke, and Lee all froze. They'd been whispering to each other and pointing before their friend came out of his stupor, and the conversation stopped abruptly.

"I give up," the dark haired Chuunin stated, and flopped back against the mattress, sighing heavily.

The voice did not speak again, though Shikamaru could have sworn he heard it snicker.

* * *

Ino managed to get the coffee maker going without doing any damage to herself or others, and of that feat, she was quite proud. Her nerves were frayed after this morning's events, to say the very least. When Sakura entered the kitchen, she found her best friend seated at the table, the fingers of one hand tapping moodily against the wooden surface.

"Ino? Are you okay?" She asked, taking a seat next to her.

"Oh, I'm just super," the blonde replied sarcastically. "I was being fondled in my sleep, but there are no problems here!"

Sakura winced, but then raised her eyebrows. Her friend had the tendency to blow things out of proportion when she was agitated. "Are you sure? I mean, what happened, exactly?"

"Am I sure? Of course I'm sure!" Ino snapped. "I woke up and I was on top of him, scantily clad, I might add, and his arms were around me! I—"

"_That's the thing, Ino. All those little quirks, like the way you flip your ponytail without knowing it when you walk, or the way you jump to conclusions before you know the full story, or how you sneeze when you get overexcited..."_

For whatever reason, that particular part of Shikamaru's letter came to her, and she stopped short.

"Ino? What's wrong?"

"Huh?"

"You had a strange look on your face."

"I did?"

"Yeah." Sakura glanced over at the coffee. "I think it's ready," she pointed out, and went to the cupboard, removing two mugs. As an afterthought, she reached up and grabbed one more. "Come over here and have some coffee, Gaara," she beckoned.

"Eh?" Gaara lifted his eyes from the GameBoy.

"Come here," Sakura repeated.

_Oh bother...if I don't do what she says, she'll keep pestering me...I **hate** it when she pesters..._

With great reluctance, Gaara set the GameBoy down on the couch and shuffled into the kitchen, plopping unceremoniously into a chair across from Ino. A steaming mug was set before him.

As much as he hated to admit it, Gaara **did** like coffee. Very much, in fact. The incredible burst of energy that accompanied the stuff usually was enough to keep him happy for hours on end, and he believed that he would **need **the energy today, of all days.

He'd been told the night before that the gang would be heading to a ski resort near the mountain house the next morning to spend the day hitting the slopes.

Gaara had never been skiing before, but he had the terrible feeling that it was **not** an activity he would enjoy. He'd tried various means of persuading his companions that skiing did not suit his interests, even going so far as to promise any number of painful deaths upon them, but he'd been overturned. Since the years after the War, and the sealing of the Tanuki that resided within him, those around the former Sand-nin had grown accustomed to his mannerisms, and nothing he said or did came as much of a surprise anymore. Granted, he could still strike fear in the hearts of his enemies, and his friends, if provoked. However, against some people—more specifically, Sakura and her entourage—his efforts were useless.

Therefore, he would be going skiing, whether he liked it or not.

Gaara took a sip of the coffee, resigned to his fate. Sort of.

_I still don't get why Naruto dragged me along in the first place. It's not like I'm going help at all...this whole business is ridiculously unfair..._

"Do you like it?" Sakura asked, handing Ino a mug and seating herself again.

"It's coffee," Gaara muttered.

"Well, I'm glad to see that someone's cheerful!"

"Are you trying to be funny? I'm being forced, against my will, to wear sticks on my feet and slide down a hill on them. A **hill **covered in **snow**, and I'm supposed to be **excited**?"

The pink-haired girl snorted. "They aren't **sticks** Gaara, they're skis. And I think you'll end up having a much better time than you expect."

"And Naruto will defer the title of Hokage to the Uchiha whelp," he shot back.

While the two argued with each other, Ino tried to rationalize with herself.

_Maybe...maybe I **did** jump to conclusions. I mean...I **have** known Shika since we were little, and he's just not the type of person to do stuff like that. He's so old fashioned when it comes to girls..._

_He really is a sweetheart..._

She recalled all the times that he had been around to comfort her when she needed someone to lean on, all the words of encouragement that he'd whispered in her ear, all the instances when he held her and allowed her to cry into his shirt...

He never complained, never rebuked her for being weak, never told her to leave him be.

He was always there

_Always. _

"Bah. I think she needs to tell the guy she loves him already, so we can end this happy experiment." Gaara said, jerking Ino out of her thoughts. "This denial crap makes me want to barf."

Sakura nearly lost her coffee from laughing. She clapped a hand to her mouth.

Ino stared.

Apparently, the conversation had taken a slight detour since her mind began wandering.

"Are you talking about me?"

"Who else **would** we be talking about? Are there any other girls in this madhouse?" Gaara said bluntly. "And if you believe for a second that you aren't obvious, you're wrong."

Ino had no reply for that, and Sakura decided to intervene.

"Go easy on her!" She chortled. "It's not like you've ever been in love before!"

_It's not like you've ever been in love before..._

"In...love?" Ino said dumbly. "I'm not in love! Where are you coming up with this stuff?" She waved her hand and focused on her coffee, quite aware of the redness in her cheeks.

_Oh lord...how...when..._

Gaara rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine, whatever. I really don't care, anyway. And I don't **want** to be in love, thanks. Girls are too confusing. All those nutty mood swings..." He shuddered, picturing his sister Temari around her 'time of the month.' Having to deal with **that** for the rest of his life did not sound appealing in the slightest.

Sakura made an indelicate noise, and shot the redhead a smirk. "**Your** mood swings could rival any of ours, Prince Charming."

"Should I apologize to him?" Ino asked suddenly. Two sets of eyes turned to her. "I mean...I **was** kind of harsh and everything..."

Sakura hid a smile behind her hand. "That might be a very good idea, Ino. Why don't you tell him now? I'd hate for you two to be mad at each other while we're skiing."

The blonde stood up. "I think I will," she said, and headed back down the hall, passing Naruto, Sasuke, and Lee as she went, prudently ignoring the whispering that followed their appearance.

When she reached the bedroom, she found Shikamaru lying on the bed where she left him, his eyes glazed over and the welt—left from her hand—still nice and red. She winced just looking at it.

"Um...Shika?" She sat on the edge of the mattress, and his head moved to the side.

"What now?" He groaned. "You're not going to smack me again, are you?"

"No!" She snapped, but then recovered her temper. "No," she repeated in a softer tone. "I actually wanted to...well...I'm sorry, Shika." Her hand reached out to brush over his cheek, and she winced again. "That looks terrible."

Shikamaru had not been expecting such a reaction, though his features remained blank. Ino did not need to know that the tenderness he glimpsed in her eyes made his heart pound, or his breath catch in his throat. Such trifles would only complicate the delicate situation even further.

"Yeah," he said, a hint of a smile playing across his mouth. "It feels worse."

Ino's brow furrowed. "Do you want me to get some ice?"

"Nah. I'll survive, I'm sure."

"Positive?"

"Mm-hm."

"Okay..." she conceded reluctantly, though her hand still lingered near his skin. "It **was** my fault, wasn't it?" She whispered.

"Well...you...rolled around a lot, and...I didn't want to wake you, so..." he shrugged.

Ino bit her lip. "Oh..." _I feel like a first rate idiot..._

"Don't worry about it," Shikamaru told her. "It's in the past, right?"

Surprised, she grinned. "Right."

Their eyes locked together.

_Closer..._

_Closer..._

"Come on guys! Get ready! We're leaving soon!" Naruto poked his head through the doorway. "Hurry up!"

Ino hastily jumped off the bed and began gathering her clothes.

Shikamaru sighed.

_So much for that..._

* * *

Gaara grumbled the entire time on the way to the ski resort, cursing everyone and everything. Soon, he would be standing at the top of a very high hill, overlooking his doom.

He was afraid of heights.

No one knew, of course, and he planned on keeping it that way. However, such a task would most likely prove to be quite difficult to execute while actually **on** the hill, but he was determined to retain **some** of his dignity, at least.

The assistants at the resort sized all of them for skis, except Sakura and Naruto, who had their own, and left the group in a small room to put them on. Lee and Sasuke, at one point, began smacking their skis together like swords until Sakura intervened, earning herself a sound whack on the arm in the process. Naruto, enraged, entered the fray, while Shikamaru and Ino stood at opposite ends of the room and attempted to strap their skis to their boots, both too preoccupied to notice their surroundings.

_Good, _Gaara thought, _now I don't have to worry about humiliating myself..._

The skis completely baffled him.

There were straps and buckles and catches all over the place, and he had no idea what to do with them.

_Okay, so, my foot goes...here..._

He placed one booted foot on the ski. So far, so good.

_And...then...this thing? What the hell is it?_ _And why are there so many of them?_

He randomly began crossing straps and buckling them, hoping that he wasn't making any mistakes. By the time he finished, he moved back to examine his work.

It didn't look right.

At all.

_Damn it! I need redo it, I guess. What a pain..._

A few minutes later, he ended up on his rump, cursing. The ski had slipped out from underneath him, sending him flying.

Of course, the hubbub in the middle of the room died down at that moment, and everyone saw his folly.

_I'm going to kill every last one of them, so help me..._

The chuckles had not stopped when they moved out to the slopes, Gaara's skis firmly in place, thanks to Sakura. She had arranged for an instructor to meet them, since most of her friends had never been skiing before, and she felt it would be a good idea to have someone around to teach proper positioning and motions.

"Hey guys!" A young man with a tuft of unruly brown hair and a bright yellow ski-suit waved. "My name's Thumper, and we're gonna have a great time, today!"

_Thumper?_ Gaara thought, his jaw going slack.

_This guy's a quack,_ thought Sasuke.

_Wonderful, _Shikamaru thought. _An instructor named Thumper. How exciting. _

"Now, listen up! In order to go faster, you need to arrange your skis like—" he placed his skis parallel to each other. "French fries! See? And, to go slower," the skis made a 'V' shape, "Pizza! Get it? Faster, French fries, slower, pizza! Remember, never do a French fry when you should do a pizza, or you won't have fun! And that's not good, because the object is to have fun!"

_Aren't pizza and French fries food? _Naruto thought, confused.

_Oh lord...we're all going to die..._ Lee told himself.

_Interesting way of explaining it, _Sakura noted with a raised eyebrow.

"Are we ready?" Thumper asked excitedly.

His weary pupils trailed along behind him as he led them toward the lifts. Gaara's palms began to sweat just looking at them.

_I can do this! I'm not a coward, and some stupid hill is not going to get the best of me!_

He squeezed onto the lift next to Sakura and Naruto, his teeth chattering. Lee and Sasuke took the next one, and Ino and Shikamaru the last. Thumper chatted animatedly back at them from the front.

Gaara continued to give himself a mental pep talk as the lift rose higher and higher, willing himself not to look down.

Ino and Shikamaru exchanged a few meaningless phrases, doing all they could to avoid thinking about the near-kiss that had almost occurred not too long before.

Sasuke and Lee made faces at each other while tossing insults back and forth.

Naruto and Sakura played footsie and pretended to listen to Thumper at the same time, causing the lift to sway ever so slightly. Gaara's face drained of all its color.

_Calm...just stay calm...it's almost over..._

Needless to say, by the time the lift came to a stop, he scrambled off of it as fast as he could manage. If he hadn't been surrounded by people, he would have kissed the ground, though by some miraculous show of willpower, he kept the urge in check.

"All right guys!" Thumper clapped his gloved hands together. "Have fun! And remember: Pizza, French fries! Pizza, French fries, got it?"

Nods.

"See ya at the bottom!" He said, and took off.

Sakura grinned. "Well, besides making me hungry, that joker wasn't much help. Look, just watch me and Naruto when we go, okay? **I** taught him how to ski myself, so I'm sure the rest of you will catch on quick." She winked at her boyfriend, who stuck his tongue out at her.

"Race you to the bottom!"

"You're on!"

But Naruto was already on his way down.

"CHEATER!" Sakura shrieked, and set off after him.

Those remaining at the top watched them go, amazed at the speed in which they coasted over the snow. Ino sucked in a breath. She was feeling particularly daring today—and she also wanted, for whatever reason, to show off in front of Shikamaru—so, after taking one last look, she stuck her poles into the ground and pushed forward.

After a few seconds of attempting to gain control of her skis, Ino got the hang of it, and let out a whoop.

"YEAH!!"

Sasuke, Lee, Shikamaru, and Gaara stared at her retreating form, before looking at each other.

"She just made us look like a bunch of idiots," Shikamaru observed, scratching at the back of his neck. _Though that's exactly what we are..._

"Yeah!" Lee agreed. "We're supposed to be the fearless manly men!"

"We can do this," Sasuke rallied. "I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Ino's doing fine! And that moron Naruto, too!"

Gaara did not have anything to add. He did not trust himself to speak.

_I'm gonna break my neck, and then I'll be paralyzed for the rest of my life, and then **I'll find some way to kill everyone**... _

_Screw it. _

"Let's get this over with."

Taking deep breaths, the four moved to the edge of the hill.

"Are we ready?" Sasuke asked.

A chorused, "Yes."

"All right! Go!"

From the start, Gaara was a lost cause. He lost his poles within the first few moments, and then one of his skis came off of his boot and sailed along before him. At that point, he gave up trying to appear calm.

"HOLY MOTHER!! I'M GONNA DIE!!"

Shikamaru had been taking his time, and was a bit ahead of Sasuke and Lee, but he sped up when he heard Gaara's screech.

Not a very smart move.

He lost control, and began to plummet, fast catching up to the redhead.

"AUGH!!!"

Sasuke and Lee, in their haste to become saviors, somehow ended up locking their skis together, which resulted in some frantic attempts to free themselves while maintaining control at the same time.

Again, not a very smart move.

"INCOMING!" Sasuke bellowed as he and Lee advanced upon Shikamaru.

By then, it was too late, and a domino effect ensued.

Sasuke and Lee smacked into Shikamaru, who then smacked into Gaara...

And they all went tumbling down.

But not before catching some spectacular airtime when they rocketed over a snowdrift, of course.

At the bottom, Ino, Sakura, and Naruto gaped as the four boys landed face first in a pile of snow, a massive jumble of arms and legs and skis.

"Well, they obviously forgot to pizza," Thumper stated, clomping over to the scene and shaking his head. "See? And they didn't have fun, either!"

As if to punctuate that statement, Gaara's renegade ski appeared out of nowhere and landed square on the former Sand-nin's head.

"Definitely not," Naruto said gravely.

* * *

Wow...that chapter took forever to write...sheesh!

Thumper, as well as the terms 'Pizza' and 'French fries,' belong to none other than the wonderful Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of South Park, and I do not claim them in any way ::grins::

Next up...Defend those snow forts, warriors!!! Will Shika and Ino finally kiss? Will the letter turn up in someone else's hands? Will Gaara ever escape the torment?? Stay tuned!!


	8. Where On Earth Did YOU Come From?

Okay, guys, I am SO SORRY for taking so long with this…I wasn't able to do much with school going on, and then when I got back for my break, we had a loss in my family, so that took up quite a bit of my energy as well…however, things are slowly going back to normal, WHICH MEANS CHAPTERS FOR JOO!

On we go!

**

* * *

****Chapter 8: Where On Earth Did YOU Come From?**

* * *

After the fiasco at the ski resort, everyone prudently chose to stay as far away from Gaara as possible. The red-haired Sand-nin now sat on his couch, the blankets once again piled on him, and, at Sakura's insistence, an ice pack covered the large lump that the ski left behind on his head. To say he was not a happy camper about the entire situation would be a gross understatement. Not only was the telltale eye twitching, but it also appeared as if the other would soon join it. Not even the GameBoy could curb his displeasure with all living creatures, something that those in the mountain house were painfully aware of.

"All of them…I'll murder every last one…just wait…" he muttered to himself, glaring darkly at the kitchen. " 'Go skiing!' She said. 'It'll be fun!' She said. 'You'll have a great time!' She said." With every word, Gaara's twitching became more pronounced, and the ice pack gave a little hiccup as it was rattled. "O-ho! I had LOTS of fun!" He continued. "I just tumbled all the way down that bloody hill, and then got whacked in the _head_ with a _ski_, but everything's _swell_Let's go do it again!"

This time, the ice pack actually fell off.

"Oh dear," Sakura said, biting her lip. She, along with the rest of the gang, huddled around the kitchen table. "I hope he doesn't decide to let loose and go on a killing spree again, or we're in trouble."

"He'll probably kill you first, babe," Naruto pointed out innocently around a mouthful of ramen. "The skiing thing was your idea, after all."

The pink-haired girl's eyes narrowed dangerously. "And it was _your_brilliant thinking that got us into this mess to begin with! I'm not the one who decided to be suicidal and invite Gaara! You _know_ how he feels about large group gatherings!"

Naruto did not have a clue as to how he should reply to that, but he didknow that admitting defeat was not an option. His girlfriend always bested him in debates, and he was determined to at least win _once_, no matter how illogical his reasoning might be.

"But you're the one who insisted that he _had_ to come with us! We could have let him hang out here and do whatever it is he does when he's not plotting to have us all skewered instead of dragging him along!"

Before Naruto even finished the sentence, a pillow sailed by his face and rebounded off the wall, landing on the floor near his feet with a plop.

Any other conversation that had been going on at the table stopped. Heads turned, jaws went slack. Naruto appeared as if he had dunked himself in a bucket of white paint.

"Do you think _I_can't hear you, Blondie?" Gaara said calmly, a mad gleam beginning to kindle in his eyes. "Just keep yakking, you little ingrate moron, I dare you." A smile made its way to his face, and a very scary looking one, at that. It was not often that Gaara smiled, but when he did, it was usually a good indication that unpleasantness loomed on the horizon.

As dense as Naruto could be sometimes, even he understood that.

"Sakura…hide me…" He whimpered, slinking as far down in his chair as he could manage. "Why is he making this my fault?"

"Because it is your fault?" Sasuke said, and was promptly smacked by Lee.

"Don't make things worse than they already are," he hissed.

Shikamaru and Ino exchanged a glance, though both kept their mouths shut. Quite a good decision.

Gaara's smile grew wider. "No, no, the Uchiha is correct. It IS Blondie's fault. If he had minded his own business and let me carry on as I normally do, then I would be at home, without _snow_, or _skis_, or _mountain houses_," his eye twitched, "but no-o. I'm here, with a _lump_ on my head and I'm _freezing_, and do you know why?" Slowly, he got to his feet, cracking each of his knuckles one at a time. "Because THAT PERSON," he pointed to Naruto, "is a cheap, dirty, BLACKMAILER!"

Uh oh.

Things certainly do not look good for our favorite hyperactive ninja, now do they?

"I knew it," Sakura groaned. "I just knew it! You told me that he came of his own will!" Her voice rose. "You _swore_ to me!"

"Now, Sakura, listen, I can explain…" Naruto stammered quickly, waving his hands in the air.

"Don't explain to me! Explain to him!" She shrieked, motioning at the Sand-nin.

Before he could get in another word, however, Gaara walked into the kitchen, removed a skillet from one of the wooden pegs on which some of the cookware was mounted, and turned, holding it at the ready like one would a sword.

"Run." He said. "Run fast."

For all of two seconds, not a single person moved, but after that, it was as if time rocketed forward like a stone flung from a slingshot. Naruto blasted out of the room as fast as his legs could carry him, followed closely by the skillet-wielding Gaara, both insulting each other as they went.

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME, SAND FREAK!"

"WANNA BET, LOSER?"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"

"YOU HEARD ME! LOOOSER!"

Meanwhile at the table, Sakura rubbed her temples, appearing as though she barely clung to her composure, which was not far from the truth.

"I'm going to bed," she stated flatly. "Don't even bother waking me up if anything happens to either of those idiots. I'm past the point of caring."

Getting to her feet, she exited the kitchen, muttering to herself under her breath about stupid boys, and why they were stupid, and how she did not know if it were possible for them to get any stupider. Of course, Gaara and Naruto decided to take a detour in their impromptu exploration of their endurance levels, and appeared directly in Sakura's way. Now, at this rate, Naruto's momentum had built to the point where he could not stop himself, even when he tried skidding to a halt to avoid smashing into his girlfriend. Quicker than a blink, Sakura found herself on the ground, Naruto's weight resting squarely atop her. Gaara was not too far behind, though he was smart, and jumped over them.

Still, Sakura was not pleased. At all.

It is safe to say that Naruto retained far more injuries from the object of his affection than he did from the skillet.

As soon as Sakura was safely in her room, however, the chase resumed. Gaara was not willing to let Naruto off the hook that easily, especially after the ordeal he had gone through today. Who knew how long he'd have that horrid protrusion on his head? It looked absolutely ridiculous, even more so than his lack of eyebrows and that silly red kanji that had been stuck on his forehead after an unfortunate event during his childhood. He could not begin to count how many times he'd tried washing the damn thing off, but it, apparently, quite enjoyed its residence on his skin. Very rude, he thought. It did not even _ask_him if he cared that he would be marked for life. And now, to make things worse, the lump joined in on the party. Naturally, Gaara believed that Naruto should also receive an unwelcome guest, and he was determined to give him one before he went to bed.

When Gaara set his mind to something, he would not rest until he had accomplished his goal.

Poor, poor Naruto…

Back in the kitchen, Sasuke and Lee had discovered a set of checkers while rummaging through drawers and cupboards—the Haruno family was not particular in where they stowed things—and they laid it out on the table, Lee taking the red pieces and Sasuke the black.

"I think we should make a wager," Lee said offhandedly, grinning his Gai-esque grin as he set his pieces on the board.

"Oh?" Sasuke said, looking at his opponent suspiciously. He did not like the sound of this. Pulling a Ho-Ho out of the collar of his shirt—he would have put it in his pocket, but then it would be a squished Ho-Ho, and we all know that squished Ho-Hos are not good—he held it to his mouth and was about to take a bite when a shuriken knocked the cake out of his grasp.

"Not so fast, bub," Lee said, smirking. "Put the Ho-Ho where I can see it."

Sasuke gaped. "Why the hell did you do that? And what are you talking about? It's my Ho-Ho! I found it first!"

"No, you _shoved_ me out of the way before I could get it. Therefore, it's only fair that the winner of the game has full rights to it." As an afterthought, he added, "Or are you too afraid to accept the challenge?"

"I am _so_ not afraid!" Sasuke snapped, glaring. Irritated, he looked at the Ho-Ho, his stomach rumbling. _Damn it…that's the last one! I can't lose it to Thick Brows! _"You're on," he replied, and set the Ho-Ho next to the board a bit reluctantly. "But be prepared for a butt-kicking, pal."

Lee snorted. "I happen to be a pro at checkers. Me and Gai-sensei played all the time back in the day."

_Heh…among other things, I'm sure, _Sasuke thought, unable to keep from snickering a bit.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Just play the game. You go first."

And so began what was possibly one of the most intense games of checkers ever to be played.

Shikamaru and Ino came to the conclusion that it might be beneficial to leave the area so as to avoid being hit with random checker pieces, or skillets. Naruto had a bit of a lead on Gaara, but the Sand-nin was gaining ground, exercising more of his acrobatic skill by hopping over an end table and avoiding the wall at the same time. Quite an impressive sight, though not one to stick around and watch for.

In their bedroom, Ino closed the door against the noise, her heart beginning to flutter like a caged bird. She had not been alone with Shikamaru since that morning, when they had come so very close to sharing a kiss…

_Just stay calm, Ino. He probably forgot all about that by now, anyway, right? _

By chance, she turned her head to look at him, and his eyes just so happened to be fixed in her direction.

She blinked, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks.

He did not move, only stared, admiring her. A few locks of her soft blonde hair had come loose from her ponytail and framed the sides of her face, reminding him of the pixies in one of his mother's favorite storybooks.

_She's more beautiful every single time I see her…I'm sure she has guys falling all over themselves to be with her. I really don't stand a chance…but then I wonder if she knows what she does to me, if that would make any difference at all…maybe I should have given that letter to her, before I lost it. _

His brow furrowed ever so slightly. With so much activity, he was able to forget about the letter for a brief spell, at least, but not now. Where on earth could it be? And who had it? Or was it just wandering around as torn shreds near the Borderlands?

Ino felt almost naked as his deep, dark eyes, so brown to be almost black, scrutinized her; it was as if he could break through all of her barriers and glimpse her very soul. She did not notice the crease in his brow, though she did think of the letter then, another passage standing out in her mind.

"_I hardly know when all these feelings started…I'm not used to this, Ino. I like having one frame of mind for each situation I'm in, but with you, it's not as easy as that. I do know that whenever I'm close to you, I feel hundreds of things at one time, and it's like…I lose my bearings. I don't know which emotion to cling to, because there's too many to count. It makes me dizzy. I hate being dizzy." _

She breathed in deeply, not sure why she remembered that particular section now, but it still struck her straight in the gut.

_I never knew…I really make him feel like that? Oh Shika…what about now? Are you…are you dizzy? _

"I had a lot of fun today," she said out loud, going to her side of the dresser and removing her nightgown. "Did you?"

A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, the moment between them broken. "Well, aside from the fact that I rolled pretty much the entire way down the hill, and then got squashed at the bottom by three morons in full ski gear, it was a grand old time."

Ino giggled as she remembered the sight of them in a heap at the resort. "It was a valiant effort to save Gaara, though," she complimented him brightly, and patted his cheek. "Definitely a change from your normal lazy self."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at her. "Yeah, though I'm beginning to think that I shouldn't have butted in at all. Every square inch of me is sore, I swear."

"Poor baby," she teased over her shoulder and went into the bathroom to change. Not wanting a repeat performance of the other night, Shikamaru slipped into his sweatpants and shirt in record time, and was flopped on his side of the bed with his hands behind his head when Ino emerged, shivering.

"Um…Shika?"

His eyes shifted to her, though he kept them glued to her face. "Yeah?"

"Do you think…" she blushed again. "Do you think I could borrow some of your clothes? It's a lot chillier today than it was yesterday, and this is all I have to sleep in."

He had not been expecting that.

_Ino…in my clothes…_

She really did seem cold. There were goose bumps all over her skin, and she rubbed her arms to warm them. How could he resist? Besides, as enticing as that nightgown was, he really didn't like it. It left far too little to the imagination, and that made him uncomfortable. No one else should be able to see her like that…

_Knock it off, Nara. Just get up and give her something already!_

Rolling off of the bed, he sifted through a drawer and handed her an oversized sweatshirt and sweatpants. She took them without a word and disappeared into the bathroom again.

The clothes smelled like him, a musky scent that she inhaled deeply as she shed her current garment and drew the sweater over her head. It was big enough to be a nightgown by itself, reaching her knees, though she put the pants on too, laughing when she viewed her reflection in the mirror.

"I could swim in these," she said to herself, though her expression grew soft as she ran her fingers over the material.

_Why does this feel so right?_

When she emerged, Shikamaru fell in love with her all over again. Just the sight of her in his clothes made his stomach do somersaults. When she crawled into bed next to him and hunkered down beneath the covers, he smiled, and she smiled back.

"Thank you," she said, and, in a move that shocked Shikamaru, she burrowed herself under his arm and snuggled against him. "I wouldn't mind if you hold me this time," she whispered drowsily, her eyes half-closed. "Because it's cold, and all."

"Are you sure you won't hurt me in the morning?" He inquired, his arms already finding their way around her. "I mean, I'm not complaining or anything, but, well, you know…"

"No. I…promise…" she trailed off, drifting into a deep sleep.

_Well…this is a nice change,_ Shikamaru thought to himself before he placed a chaste kiss to her temple and went to sleep as well, content. _Maybe I have a chance after all…_

* * *

Gaara and Naruto's match ended in a draw, both too tired to continue. The red-haired Sand-nin fell on his couch, panting, while Naruto leaned up against a wall, hands braced on his knees while he wheezed.

"So—are we—even?" He managed to get out.

"Hell no," Gaara replied, raking hair out of his eyes. "I'll—get you—good, just—wait."

"Whatever. I'm bushed, man."

All Gaara could do was nod. "Kill you…" he muttered, practically asleep.

In the clear, at least for the present, Naruto shuffled to his room, thanking his lucky stars for his stamina.

"I would have died for sure if he caught me…"

* * *

Sasuke lost the wager.

His last, glorious Ho-Ho, one of his most favorite junk foods, was currently being consumed by Lee, who, of course, had to rub in his victory as much as he possibly could by eating slowly, picking the Ho-Ho apart bit by bit and commenting on the taste as he did so.

"Oh, this is so good!" He said around a mouthful. "Seriously, you have no idea what you're missing." He took another bite. "Best Ho-Ho I've ever had, I'm not kidding."

_I hate him. Little twinkletoes, spandex-wearing snark! That was my Ho-Ho! _

"Too bad you suck at checkers."

"Shut up, Lee. Just shut up."

* * *

"I cannot _believe_ this! There wasn't any snowstorm predicted in the weather forecast when we left!"

Anko trudged through the massive drifts one foot at a time and squinted her eyes against the flurry of white that continued to fall in droves from the sky. As it turns out, she and Kakashi had been at the very same ski resort as the gang, though they were on the other side, at the more advanced hills. By the time they decided to head home, it was dark. That had not deterred them, however, the storm they were caught up in now probably would.

"It looks like we're in trouble," Kakashi said cheerfully, not about to let something as silly as this ruin his mood. He had a great time with Anko today, and now he would get to spend even _more_ time with her, albeit in the middle of nowhere with no cover in sight. Such trifling details did not matter in face of the chance of a little romance, now did they?

Anko stared at him in exasperation. "Gee, thanks for the observation, slick. That's ever so helpful." Not paying attention, she missed her footing and began to topple sideways, her arms windmilling frantically to keep her balance.

"Woah!" Kakashi shouted, and dove after her, catching her just before she hit the ground.

Now, not only were they both coated in snow, but they were wet, too. Delightful.

"What the hell are we going to do?" Anko burst out, almost hysterical. "We can't walk in this! It's getting too deep! And we can't go back, either, because the resort is too far away!"

That was true. If they were to try retracing their steps, they would probably end up freezing to death and no one would ever know until their bodies were found when the snow melted. A pleasant notion? Most definitely not.

Kakashi, determined to figure out a way to get them out of this mess, began scanning the surrounding area carefully. At first, he saw nothing, but upon a closer look, he noticed what appeared to be a house nestled back among the trees, and the wheels in his brain began to turn.

Didn't Sakura say once, a while back, that her family owned a mountain house? Actually, he was almost positive that she did. Was that the house? It couldn't do any harm to check, at least. He was sure that if the house were hers, his former student wouldn't mind if he…borrowed it for a while, at least until the snow stopped. He was in the middle of a life and death situation, here, after all. Surely Sakura wouldn't want him to die!

"Look over there," he told Anko, and motioned toward the house. "Let's go see if the door's open, eh? One of my old students owns a house up here, so it might be hers."

Anko did what he said, and looked. Yes, that was definitely a house, and they were definitely in need of it. She did not bother to think about how wrong it was to break into a house that did not belong to her, because at this point, she was too tired and frozen to really care. Allowing Kakashi to haul her up, the two began the trek to the house, moving as quickly as they could. When they reached it, Kakashi peered in through a window.

The inside of the house was dark, so he could not make out much other than a few couches and a huge television, one that he was quite envious of, to tell the truth. He could only imagine how amazing football would look on that screen…

"Do you see that?" Anko hissed suddenly, popping up next to him and pressing her nose to the glass. "I think there's people in there!"

"Huh?"

Rolling her eyes, Anko grabbed hold of either side of his head and turned it toward one particular couch.

"Is that…Gaara?" He said, shocked. "What the hell is Gaara doing here? He_hates_snow. That doesn't make any sense…wait. I think Sasuke's in there too! That's his hair!"

Anko looked again. "Yep, that's him all right. Let's just go in, okay? I'm starting to lose feeling in my feet."

_Oh blast…I should have noticed that before. _

Before she knew it, the Special Jounin with a temper few dared trifle with was scooped up into Kakashi's arms as he slogged over to the front door, feeling for the knob with one hand.

"You didn't have to do that, you know," she said with a raised eyebrow. "I'm quite capable of walking by myself."

"Of course you are," he replied absently, turning the knob ever so gently. Much to his relief, the door swung wide open. "Stupid. Anyone could break in," he said, shaking his head. Setting Anko on her feet, he closed the door just as quietly. Not a single person stirred, which was a good thing. He shuddered to think of what would happen if Gaara got jolted out of sleep and discovered intruders…

"Well, I guess we should just…sleep on the floor, huh?"

Anko nodded. Though she did not particularly_ like_ sleeping on floors, it was better than sleeping out in the snow. She just hoped that no one stepped on her in the morning, especially not Gaara.

_I can't believe we're doing this_, she thought.

_Maybe she'll want me to give her some extra warmth for the night_, thought Kakashi, grinning.

"Night." Said Anko, and curled up in a ball on her side, using her jacket as a pillow.

_Damn. Shafted again…_

* * *

Being the first to bed, naturally, Sakura was the first to wake in the morning. Getting blearily out of bed, she stumbled down the hall with her hands out to avoid crashing into things. Her hand-eye coordination was way below par during mornings, and she usually looked more like a zombie than a person. She did not get disoriented the way that Naruto did, but she came pretty darn close.

That would explain why she didn't see her new visitors until she was practically on top of them.

_What on earth…_

She looked down at the ground near her feet, and saw two lumps huddled together, one with dark purple hair, the other silver.

Her jaw went slack.

_Kakashi…and Anko?_

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?" She yelled, not really caring if she woke up the entire universe. It's not every day that one discovers unexpected guests sleeping on one's floor.

What resulted was pure chaotic mania.

Gaara, completely startled, rolled right off of the couch and landed in a heap. Lee sat up so quickly that he, too, fell over. Sasuke could sleep through anything, so he carried on dreaming about whatever it was that he dreamed about…in this case, probably his lost Ho-Ho. Naruto, thinking that Sakura was being attacked, barreled from the room shouting threats at whoever was intending to cause her harm. Ino woke with her face still in Shikamaru's side, a patch of drool leaving a wet mark on his shirt. Shikamaru did not notice the drool, though he _did _notice the commotion, and tried to sit up, though Ino's weight held him down. By the time the two of them managed to disentangle themselves from one another, the hubbub in the family room was at an all time high.

"So you just walk around and sleep in random people's houses?" Naruto was saying as he held a distraught Sakura in his arms. "That's pretty twisted, Kakashi. What if you walked into…I don't know…an axe murderer's house or something?"

"Look, it's not like we did this to scare you! There was a huge blizzard last night that came out of nowhere, and we had no place else to go!" Kakashi replied, looking at Anko for support.

"Yeah! I mean, the ski resort is a hike from here, and we couldn't go back!"

At the mention of ski resorts, Gaara peeled himself from the ground, eye twitching. _"Don't. Talk. About. Skis."_ He said darkly, glaring. _"Ever."_

The subject was closed after that.

Shikamaru and Ino exchanged a glance.

Sasuke chose that moment to sit up, rubbing at his eyes. He looked at Kakashi and Anko, and then at everyone else.

"What's going on?"

"SHUT UP, SASUKE!" Came the reply of all.

Today was already looking to be an interesting day.

* * *

BWAH-HA-HA! So, I thought the snowball fight would be in this chapter, but it shall be in the next, never fear! (And the chapter won't take me a year to produce, either, promise!) Oh, and sorry about the space things...Document Manager is being a poo... 


	9. The Battle of Bunker Hill Sort Of

:twiddles thumbs: Yeah. So, I know what you all want to say. I know that I haven't updated in ages, and I'm horrible, and yadda yadda yadda. I haven't had a spare minute to myself until now, because college, my friends, is an ass-kicker. I'm on my spring break currently, so I decided to be nice and update. Huzzah.

Oh, and to those of you who don't know what Ho-Hos are, I shall enlighten ye. They are log-shaped chocolate cakes with cream circled around the middle, made by Hostess. Good stuff.

And on we go.

**

* * *

****Chapter 9: The Battle of Bunker Hill (Sort Of)**

* * *

To say that Sasuke was a tad put out by the sudden outburst he'd been subject to for doing nothing other than waking up at the wrong time would be an understatement. He attributed it all to horrid luck. On a normal morning, someone such as, say, Itachi could be standing over him with a knife to his throat, and he would remain dead to the world—of course, if Itachi really were to hold a knife to his throat while he slept, he would be dead in a literal sense, though that trifling bit of information is not relevant to this story (or even to Sasuke himself, as he would much rather be dead anyway than to admit a weakness).

This morning, however, was not normal. At all. There had been such a racket in the family room that it was impossible for even him to stay comatose—he was convinced that a _rock_ would have chosen to animate itself in order to roll away from the deafening roar—so what other choice did he have but to wake up?

"I'm not psychic," he grumbled to Gaara, who was nearest at the moment. "I didn't know Kakashi and Anko appeared out of nowhere overnight."

The Sand-nin glanced up from his GameBoy without sympathy. "And there he goes. The mighty Ooooochiha Avenger, whining about his problems yet again." Scrunching up his face in an imitation of the dark-haired boy's usual brooding expression, he said in a melodramatic voice, "Oh, no one understands me! I hate everyone! Itachi needs to die! I've gotta kill him, the dirty bastard! DIE, DIE, DIIIEEEE!" With a grin, he returned his attention to Link, who seemed to have taken the bait when threatened with being chucked against a wall, and died much less often now. Gaara was rather pleased with himself for that.

The mighty Uchiha was not pleased. "Wh—wh—wh—" was all he managed in his own defense. Quite pathetic, no? And, to make matters worse, his enemy was ignoring him. For a GameBoy. Without realizing it, his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed, leaving a large crease in the middle of his forehead—which, on him, appeared more like a shoddy replication of Gaara's act than the real thing. _How dare he? I do not whine! And I sure as hell don't sound like that, either! I'm much more…dignified! _He crossed his arms over his chest._ He's just jealous of me. I mean, look at the guy! Talk about freak show! _Of course, Sasuke would never be brave enough to say all of these things aloud, because he knew full well that he'd end up as mincemeat, but that was beside the point. _Oh whatever. _

Aware of the fact that he'd won, Gaara smirked to himself. _I've got you down to the letter, pretty boy, and I won't let you forget it, either, I promise. _The smirk became more pronounced. _Maybe this trip wasn't such a bad idea, after all. _

For a reason unknown to him, Sasuke was filled with a sense of foreboding, as if he had just endangered his person and invited all sorts of unpleasantness to come strolling his way by playing into a clever trap. Once he realized that, he immediately uncrossed his arms and schooled his features into an appearance of cheerfulness. _Damn it! That was foul play! _His lips started to twitch. _First Lee steals my Ho-Ho, and now this! One of these days I'll get both of you. Oh-ho yes! And it'll be good. REAL good. _He stifled maniacal giggles behind a hand. _HAHAHAHAHA! SUCKERS!_

Meanwhile, Naruto, who had not yet allowed his pink-haired girlfriend out of his grasp for fear that she would end up destroying something, tried to size up the situation. "I think it's only fair that you two make breakfast then, as a peace offering," he stated after a moment, leaving no room for argument.

His former sensei raised an eyebrow. Instead of feeling 'punished,' he was quite the opposite. Breakfast making provided the perfect opportunity for him to impress Anko with his cooking skills, which would be a definite plus for his side. From his experience, women loved men who could cook, and, after running around all over with ANBU when he was a teenager, he had learned how to be a good at it on the fly. Since Anko was proving to be a much more difficult conquest than he was used to, he hoped that this would be enough to tip the scales somewhat in his favor—she loved to eat almost as much as Naruto. _Score, _he thought wickedly before grinning. "I don't have a problem with that. Just leave it to us," he rested a hand on the Special Jounin's shoulder, noting that she seemed a bit tense. _Eh?_

Anko was panicking. _Cook? Me? Oh good lord…I'm going to make a fool of myself…and in front of that idiot too…I knew we shouldn't have barged in like this! It's his fault! Bugger…I can't back down, or else he'll look better than me, the jerk. _"Sure, sure," she waved her hand as if such a menial task was cake. "No big deal." _Did that sound convincing?_

"In my house…" Sakura muttered, not quite calm, but no longer frantic, either. Somewhere in between. "Middle of the night…"

Exchanging a glance, Kakashi and Anko decided that it might be beneficial to remove themselves from her line of sight and get to work, so they turned heel and bolted into the kitchen.

Shikamaru watched the scene with half-lidded eyes, wishing that he could be back in bed with the covers piled on him, Ino burrowed next to him…

_WAY too early to be thinking like that, Nara, _he scolded himself , frowning. _You haven't even been awake for more than a few minutes, and your head's already stuffed with fuzz. Cool it. _

But some things are so much easier said than done. What had happened to all of his will power? At one point, he had been able to float through life without so much as blinking—well, perhaps he blinked once or twice in the middle of a fight—but now his mind always had to stay on the alert, otherwise he'd wind up in a very tight fix. Who knew what his hormones were capable of if he didn't keep a leash on them at all times? However, there were moments in which he had difficulty focusing—whenever Ino was near—and he had to exert more energy than he felt necessary to keep his thought processes in line.

Troublesome.

But then again, his entire life was troublesome.

And it became even more troublesome when he felt pressure against his back, right between his shoulder blades.

Apparently, Ino felt the way he looked, and was too exhausted to remain coherent standing. His back provided a convenient place for her to rest her head, so of course she took advantage of the opening.

Shikamaru's mental security system began to wail. _Not good…not good at all…_ He tried glancing over his shoulder to get a look at her, which really wasn't a swell idea, because, from what he could make out, her hair was mussed, her eyes were closed, and her mouth was slightly open.

Adorable.

The shrieking of the alarm grew louder.

_Oi! Would you knock it off? I know that I'm in trouble! _He winced, annoyed. "Er…Ino? Hey, Ino!"

The blonde girl did not budge, nor even acknowledge the fact that she was being spoken to. _Mmm…comfy…_ Cold days often made her more tired than normal, and today had to be the coldest yet. As a child, she learned that the best thing to do on a day such as this is to stay in bed and sleep, which is exactly what she planned to do. Let the others get hyper over Kakashi and Anko. Her pillow was nice and firm—warm, too—and she did not see any pressing need to abandon it.

Shikamaru sighed. _Why me?_ He tried again. "Ino, you're—"

Damn pillow was too _noisy!_ "Wangobasleep," she mumbled. "Shup."

Oh dear.

"Ino," he tried one last time. "I'm not a bed."

Not a bed? Then where was she?

Her eyes cracked open.

Well, how very odd. Her pillow didn't look one. Not at all, in fact. It looked more like…

"Shika?"

"Very good," he grumbled dryly, though a pesky part of him wished that she had stayed asleep so he'd have a good excuse to carry her back to their room. _I'm turning into a romantic sap, _he realized with horror. _In less than a week, I've become my father. _

If she hadn't been fully awake before, Ino was now. _I cannot believe I did that…I totally zonked out on him! _She felt the heat rise in her cheeks. _Fantastic. _"You should've said something, Shika!" She snapped, trying to keep up appearances. "Why did you just stand there like a lump?"

A _lump_?

"I _did_ say something," Shikamaru replied as calmly as he could. "But you didn't hear."

Ino stared. "Oh." _Idiot! You're drowning, here! _"Well…make sure that I hear it next time, okay?"

_She called me a lump…_ "So… it's my responsibility to make sure you don't fall asleep on me again?"

"Of course it is!" She exclaimed, jabbing a finger against his chest. "I was out of it, and you weren't, which means that you were the one who had control over the situation, not me!"

He tried to understand her rationalizing for a moment, but he just could not seem to move past the 'lump' part. "Do you really think I'm a lump?" He inquired in what he hoped was a casual tone. Yes, perhaps he did act like one from time to time—well…a lot of the time—though hearing it aloud from Ino, no less, made it sound so…degrading…

Ino blinked. _What is he talking about? _"Huh?"

"You called me a lump."

"I did?"

_SHE FORGOT ALREADY? _"Yeah, you did."

Her brow wrinkled, and she tapped a finger against her chin. "OH!" She began to laugh, which did nothing to improve Shikamaru's mood. "It was a figure of speech, Shika," she said condescendingly as she patted his cheek. "You can be lazy, but I know you're not really a lump."

It was his turn to stare. _I can't do this…she's going to be the end of me…every ounce of sanity I have is gonna be shot to hell…_ "Well that's good."

Ino smiled, heart fluttering. _I never expected him to get all worked up over that…I guess he cares more about what I think of him than I realized… _"I'm gonna hop in the shower, okay? Knock when breakfast is ready." Patting his cheek once more, she headed down the hall and disappeared into the bedroom.

"Did you see that?" Shikamaru said to Lee as he flopped next to him on a couch, exasperated. "I don't get women. They're all crazy, every last one of them."

Lee bit back a grin. He _did_ see, though he had a hunch that he saw far more than his harried friend had intended to reveal. _You've got it bad buddy. _"That they are. But the world would be a boring place without them."

Boring? Try less hectic. Fewer headaches. Heavier wallets.

"She wears me out," Shikamaru sighed.

"Exercise is good for someone like you."

"Shut up, Lee."

"What? I was just pointing out the truth."

"I mean it. Shut up."

"Grouch."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"_Lee_—"

"I'm finished."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Positive?"

"Yes."

"All right."

"Mr. Sunshine."

"Damn it!"

* * *

"Anko, what are you _doing_?"

"I'm…um…making eggs?" She held out a frying pan, the contents of which resembled a quivering mass of yellowish-brown goo, and it took all of his willpower for Kakashi to keep from laughing. He'd been exposed to some bad cooking in his day—most of which came from his male counterparts in ANBU—but this was a first. He had always believed that it was impossible to burn eggs, yet Anko had just managed to prove him wrong.

"Wow…" He could not think of anything else to say.

Anko looked from him to the pan and back. "I don't know _what _I'm doing!" She wailed finally. "I've never been able to cook! All the stuff I make ends up like this!" There. Her secret was out. All that was left was for him to laugh at her.

On cue, he did.

Such a nice guy.

"I'm sorry, kiddo, but those have gotta be the worst excuses for eggs I've ever seen," Kakashi wheezed, tears streaming from his eyes.

"Gee, thanks a lot. I appreciate it."

"I'm sorry! I don't mean to laugh, but…that's really bad!"

"Yeah? Well you're not helping at all!"

The laughter stopped. "Now that's the truth, isn't it?" Plucking the frying pan out of his companion's hand, Kakashi upended it over the sink while Anko watched him, her jaw working but no sound coming out. "You at least know how to make toast, right?" He asked her as he opened the fridge and dug around more for eggs, glancing back over his shoulder in time to see her scowl at him.

"I wasn't raised in a box."

_She's so cute when she's angry,_ Kakashi thought, a large grin tugging at his mouth.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said quickly, and returned to his task, leaving Anko to hers.

Still scowling, she pulled pieces of bread out of a bag and stuck them in a toaster oven—the thing was almost an antique, and so worn that the numbers on the heat dial had faded, which meant that the violet-haired woman had to guess the correct temperature to set it at and pray that the smoke-alarm wouldn't go off in a few minutes. Kakashi, meanwhile, was having a grand old time concocting an elaborate masterpiece out of his limited resources, checking on Anko every now and then when her back was turned. He noticed—though he pretended that he didn't—that she too checked his progress, and he exulted at the awestruck expression she wore.

_Oh, I'm SO glad we decided to go skiing. _

At least, he was glad until the toaster oven began spewing smoke.

There was much fun to be had in the kitchen _then_, so much fun, in fact, that this humble author is unable to go into too much detail for fear of laughing her you-know-what off (even though she already is).

"Anko, you're not allowed in the kitchen anymore." Kakashi stated bluntly when all was said and done.

Needless to say, she did not voice any disagreement.

* * *

"This is excellent," Lee complimented around a mouthful of bacon. He, along with everyone else, had a plate loaded to the brim, and he ate as if he were starved for years beforehand.

"Where did you learn how to cook like this?" Naruto demanded after he'd taken a large swig of milk.

"Here and there," Kakashi replied modestly, basking in his success.

Sakura, able to talk rationally now without danger of hurting herself or others, rolled her eyes. "Why don't you just crow a bit louder, eh? We all know what you're doing."

"Ouch. It bites."

She smiled sweetly. "Only when provoked."

"Point for the girls," Ino said amidst groans from the boys.

"The females in this house are so deceptive," Shikamaru complained as he motioned with his fork. "On the outside, they appear to be innocent little doves, but on the inside, they're vipers waiting to strike."

"They're like that everyplace else, too," Gaara muttered, remembering the whack he'd received from his sister a few weeks before after he'd popped off at her for being in a pissy mood—after that he learned not to talk to women when they were on their rags, not even to say something nice.

"Yeah, which means all of them are beasts," Shikamaru concluded.

"Amen to that," said Sasuke, who sat as far away from Gaara as he could. While breakfast did not bring him a new Ho-Ho, he could not complain about the quality of the food. _I still want my Ho-Ho, though…damn Lee…damn Gaara, too…_

Though she could have made a catty remark, Anko remained silent, her eyes darting from plate to plate where the remnants of her charred toast lived untouched. No one had called attention to the sorry state of the toast yet, and she was grateful for that, though she knew without having to ask what everyone thought. Since Kakashi had basically admitted to making pretty much everything, all that was left was the toast, and it was obvious that he didn't make it, which pointed the finger at her. She assumed that the others were being nice and sparing her pride by keeping their mouths shut, though she wasn't sure how much better that made her feel.

"Wise words, Nara, wise words," Kakashi nodded, and winked at Anko, whose cheeks ignited on the spot.

"And men are angels, is that it?" She shot back, eyes locked with the silvery-haired Jounin's.

"Of course we're not." He said unabashedly. "That's why we have women. It's your job to keep our black hearts from further corruption—well, in theory at least."

As one, Anko, Sakura, and Ino's jaws dropped.

Lee and Gaara, who sat side by side, looked at each other and howled with laughter.

Naruto, Shikamaru, and Sasuke focused their attention on their plates and shoveled food into their mouths to muffle their own laughter.

"That was good," Naruto chortled finally, slapping Kakashi on the back.

"I rather thought so," he grinned.

Anko breathed an inner sigh of relief. Now that the topic of conversation had moved on to the differences between males and females, she was almost positive that no one would think to mention—

"Oy, is this toast?"

Gaara prodded at the offending—thing—with a fingertip.

Silence.

"Not. One. Word."

Heads swiveled in the direction of the Special Jounin, who was staring them all down with the _evil eye._

Lee spoke up a few moments later.

"So, anyone for a game of checkers?"

* * *

Sasuke could not find his boxers. He remembered flinging them aside when he rifled through his suitcase for a shirt, but he _swore _that he put them back afterward. Those were his favorite boxers, too! Granted, the electric yellow ducks were perhaps a bit gaudy, but still! He was as attached to those boxers as a toddler to his blanket, so losing them did not rank high on his 'happy events' list.

As everyone knows, it is a good idea when one has lost something to retrace one's steps and attempt to locate the missing item that way. Sasuke, being the brilliant, prodigal child that he was, did so, crawling backward down the hall and scanning every inch of the carpet with his nose almost crushed to it.

Gaara, occupying his couch again with the GameBoy in hand, watched this rather—unique—manner of searching in amusement, his cache of verbal ammunition growing ever larger. _And the Uchiha exhibits his famed intelligence yet again…_

"Damn! Where the hell are they?" Sasuke muttered, not realizing that he was nearing Sakura until he backed into her—literally.

"Sasuke," the pink-haired girl said in an irritated tone, "why are you crawling around on the floor?"

"I—" Now that he thought about what he was doing, he felt remarkably stupid. "I lost my boxers."

"You mean the ones with the ducks?" How Sakura managed to say that with a straight face, she did not know.

Sasuke stared. "You've seen them?"

"Yeah. I threw 'em in the wash because I had no idea where they'd been…" she wrinkled her nose. "I think they're in the clean bin in the laundry room, now."

"Oh good," Sasuke said as he got to his feet, and then dashed to the laundry room. Sure enough, right when he stepped foot inside the room, he caught sight of his boxers waiting on top of a pile of clean clothes, the electric yellow ducks smiling up at him. "Whew! I thought you guys were gone for good!" As he went to pick up the boxers, a piece of paper tumbled over the side of the hamper and landed on his foot. Raising an eyebrow, he bent over and swiped the paper, which had been folded into eighths. "Well, what have we here?" His curiosity got the better of him, and before he could glimpse the name on the outside of the paper, he sat cross-legged on top of the washing machine, unfolded the paper, and began to read.

It did not take him very long to realize that what he held was a love letter, and one addressed to a certain young lady currently in residence. Better yet, the author of the letter was also a member of the mountain house party, a lazy young man who always wore his hair in a ponytail.

By the time he reached the end, it was near impossible to stifle his laughter, though he did it.

"Find something interesting?"

Perhaps he had not done as good a job concealing his mirth as he thought.

Oh well. Too late for secrecy now.

"Come in here and check this out!" Sasuke whispered, grinning.

Lee's footsteps did not make a sound as he padded across the floor to the washer. When he was close enough, Sasuke handed him the paper and sat back to wait for a reaction, which he received within the first few seconds when Lee began to chuckle.

"Ah, young love," he sighed, a hand over his heart. "So sweet it makes you want to gag yourself, no?"

"Oh yes," Sasuke agreed, fluttering his eyelashes. "But I was so _inspired_ by the _fabulous _metaphors."

Snickering, Lee deepened his voice. "Ino, would you be my fisher…lady?"

Sasuke pretended to hide his face. "Sto-op, Shika! You'll make me blush!"

In separate rooms, Ino and Shikamaru sneezed.

_Someone's talking about me,_ Ino thought.

_I need a tissue,_ thought Shikamaru.

Naruto happened to enter the laundry room amidst hysterical giggling, and for a moment he believed that he'd lost his marbles. Sasuke, perched on the washer, was fanning himself with a sock in one hand and used the other to playfully swat at Lee, who had slicked his hair back and was assuming a variety of princely poses, each more ridiculous than the last.

"Should I even bother asking, or do I not want to know?"

Lee halted mid-pose, and turned his head. The smile he wore made his face appear impish. "On the contrary. I think you _do_ want to know. It appears we have a hunter in our midst."

Both of Naruto's brows inched toward his crown. As he attempted to figure out what Lee meant, he noticed a piece of paper clutched in the older boy's hand. _Uh-oh._ "Is that—"

"Naruto!" In a flurry of pink hair, Sakura barreled in, frantic. "The letter's gone!" She hissed. "I have no idea what—" A hand clapped over her mouth, and she was pulled the rest of the way into the room, the door closing behind her. Once released, she rounded on Naruto. "Why'd you do that?"

Reaching out, he snatched the letter away from Lee and waved it at her. "This thing sure gets around fast," he observed dryly.

Sakura made an odd squeaking sound in the back of her throat. "No one else was supposed to see!"

Sasuke, surprised at first by her reaction, finally began to catch on. "I may be completely off," he warned, "but something tells me that Ino and Shikamaru have no idea we have this."

Exchanging glances, both Naruto and Sakura heaved sighs, and the story poured out of them, Lee and Sasuke listening with rapt attention.

"And that's why we decided to drag them here," Naruto finished.

Lee let out a low whistle. "I feel like I'm part of a huge soap opera."

"Look, this is just between us, okay? Now that you two are involved, you can't drop any hints. You have to pretend like everything's normal, got it?" Sakura put her fists on her hips, the image of Tsunade—minus the ample bosom, of course.

As the boys were aware of the insane strength that Godaime had awoken in her pupil, they prudently chose to assure Sakura that their mouths would remain closed on the matter, and if they slipped, she had full right to exact any type of punishment she wished—that alone would be enough of a reminder to keep their tongues from wagging.

"Good," Sakura beamed at them, and made to leave, but Sasuke stopped her.

"Today's a good day for a snowball fight, don't you agree?" Jumping down from the washer, he mouthed 'play along,' before throwing the door open and pitching his voice to carry to the non-conspirators. "We could split up into teams, and build forts, and have an all out war! I mean, how long has it been since we've had a chance to act like kids, anyway?"

Naruto's eyes lit up. "He's got a point. It's snowing now, and there's plenty out there already." He grinned wolfishly. "Seeing Gaara sloshing around dodging snowballs will be worth it."

Even though that comment was muffled by laughter, Gaara still got the gist of it. "Like hell," he sniffed. "I'm staying right here. The only way I'll move is if they drag my dead body out."

Famous last words.

* * *

"Damn—stupid—snow."

Apparently, the seven layers of clothing that gave the Sand-nin a roly-poly physique did not provide enough cover from delinquent snowflakes that seemed to have singled him out as an appropriate landing zone, convincing the rest of the snowflake mafia to target him as well.

_I'm going to kill all of you bastards,_ he thought as he shot scathing looks at the people who claimed to be his 'friends.' Oh, he had hemmed and hawed when they converged on him as a collective unit, and he came close to unlocking his sand shield—that would've got them all to back off very quick—but he decided not to at the last second. The wards that the Elders of the Sand had put on him were still fairly new, and he did not have the full grasp on how to control them yet. One wrong move would wake Shukaku, who, while sealed, could cause a fair amount of damage.

Now that he was outside—his body quite alive, mind you—he wished he had shot caution to the wind and done it.

He _was_ satisfied with his fort, though. After examining everyone else's, he was confident that he could annihilate them quickly judging from the distance between his fort and the others, the height of the walls of his compared to theirs, and the amount of ammunition that he had piled by his side.

Since his companions were intent on making him miserable, he thought gleefully, he would beat them at their own game.

Nearby, Ino and Shikamaru, paired together by Sasuke—he had appointed himself officiator, since the fight was his idea to begin with—hunkered down behind their modest fort and waited. Shikamaru insisted that it would be suicide to make the first move, so there was nothing left to do _but_ wait. And think. About closeness. And being alone. Together. Behind a fort.

A recipe for disaster? Perhaps. Or perhaps something more pleasant…

Before either could contemplate the advantages of the situation, a deluge began.

* * *

"Give me another one."

Anko handed a well-packed snowball to Kakashi, who hurled it at the enemy—Gaara—with deadly accuracy. When no one else had taken the initiative, they decided to bite the bullet and attack. She could not hold back a giggle when her silvery-haired teammate flung himself down, barely avoiding a snowball that whizzed past the spot where his head had just been.

"That's the ticket," he grinned, his cheeks rosy. "Hopefully they'll start being more aggressive now."

* * *

Naruto grabbed a handful of carefully prepared snowballs and whipped them all at once at the nearest fort—which happened to be Sasuke and Lee's. The retaliation came in an instant, an equal amount of snowballs flying over the wall and smashing against Sakura, who had no time to dive out of the way.

"AUGH! DAMN IT, NARUTO!"

* * *

Sasuke and Lee were being blasted by a rapid fire attack—most likely coming from Sakura—and if they didn't do something quick, they'd be in trouble.

"I think it's time to get dirty," Sasuke said.

Lee threw one more snowball before crouching down. "Oh?"

Sasuke motioned him forward and whispered something in his ear.

The Green Beast smirked.

* * *

Gaara was relentless. He attacked two forts at the same time, and it seemed to his enemy that his supply of snowballs replenished itself almost instantaneously. The Sand-nin, a maniacal grin plastered on his face, had fallen into a sort of routine—wait a few seconds to make the opponent think he was out, and then unleash hell.

"Demon of the Sand, baby!"

Or Snow.

But no matter.

* * *

"We have to take him out!" Ino cried as her missiles crumbled ineffectively against Gaara's stronghold. "He's killing us!"

"I know, Ino," Shikamaru replied calmly. He was having difficulty strategizing while snowballs rained down on him, and her chattering was not helping much, though he did not have the heart to tell her that.

"Well? Use that brain of yours and think of something quick!" Ino said in exasperation.

_Stay calm, Nara. _"I'm trying."

They had few options. Either carry on as they had been, by making snowballs as fast as they could and hurling them, try and hook up with another team, or leave the fort altogether in a surprise attack.

From this position, the surprise attack was looking pretty damn good.

"Come on."

* * *

Kakashi and Anko were thinking the same thing.

"Here, take these," the Special Jounin dumped a load of snowballs into Kakashi's arms. "Don't use 'em until we get that bugger in range."

Slinking around the fort, the two nearly collided with Shikamaru and Ino.

Hmm. Tricky. Pummel each other, or pummel Gaara?

Not a hard choice.

"Let's get 'im!"

* * *

Something was wrong. It was too quiet. Sakura felt _very_ uneasy.

"Why did they stop? Should we check?"

Naruto's brow furrowed. "Maybe…that _is_ weird…" He poked his head around the side of their fort and was greeted by a face-full of snow.

"MMPH!"

Sakura's eyes went wide, and she turned slowly.

Lee winked at her. "Hello there, doll."

"AIIIIEEEE!" A reflex action, she whipped snow at him before he could do the same. Once Naruto recovered himself, he joined in just as Sasuke entered the fray.

The battle ended in a draw, both parties sprawled laughing in the snow.

"I wonder how the others are doing?" Naruto said.

* * *

He did not understand how it happened. One minute he was kicking the snot out of his enemy, and the next he was on his back, enough snow piled on him that only his head remained uncovered.

"Why me?" He implored to the sky. "Why is it _always _me? What did I do that was so horrible?"

"Besides killing innocent people, you mean?" Kakashi said innocently.

Gaara looked at him. "Shut up, Hatake."

Anko concealed a grin behind her hand.

Meanwhile, Ino, who had flopped on the ground because her sides ached from laughing so much, reached out her arms for Shikamaru to help her up. He obliged happily—though he did not show it—taking her tiny, gloved hands in his and pulling.

Things did not work out the way he expected.

Instead of Ino being lifted to her feet, Shikamaru took a plunge, the snow that he'd used to brace himself on proving to be much too slippery to hold his weight.

Ino blinked. While the impact had hurt more than a tad, she was not concerned about the pain. No, what occupied her attention was the pair of cool lips that were pressed to hers.

She could only stare.

* * *

OHH CLIFFHANGER! Hee-hee! Sorry, sorry, but I had to do it. I realize that I'm taking liberties by saying that Gaara can turn off his sand barrier, but…this is my story, so there.

Oh, and I just wanted to let you guys know that I really appreciate all of your feedback! It makes me feel good. Truly. Thank you!


	10. Who You Gonna Call? GHOST BUSTERS!

Wow…it still amazes me the amount of feedback I get after updates…you guys rock mah socks. Thank ye kindly. Hee-hee! Again, my apologies for the cliffhanger…:snickers:

Alrighty then, on we go!

**

* * *

****Chapter 10: Who you Gonna Call? GHOST BUSTERS!**

* * *

Ah love. Such a wonderful thing, no? So wonderful, in fact, that bohemian poets young and old have dedicated their lives to describing it, that suave crooners and hard rockers alike sing of it, that novelists weave intricate tales of its many faces, chock full of seduction and intrigue and innocence and betrayal. 

Shikamaru did not know much about love. He was not a poet or a singer or a novelist. Whenever his friends talked about relationships, the talk often veered in a rather naughty direction—teenage boys have a habit of speaking with their hormones' voices—and Shikamaru, whether out of laziness or embarrassment, listened while pretending not to listen, and never ventured any comments of his own, though he learned quite a bit about the pubescent mentality of the male brain. Horrifyingly enough, he found his _own _brain gallivanting off into the forbidden territory his peers not-so-secretly invaded, something that happened at a much greater frequency now than ever before. Why, right at this very moment his rogue thought processes were treating him to a very pleasant fantasy about giving the object of his—dare I say—desire a bona-fide tonsil-hockey kiss, the same kind of kiss that usually precedes questionable…behaviors. The fantasy was so realistic that he could even _feel _the coolness of her cherry-red lips pressed against his…

_Cerulean is an interesting color_, Shikamaru noted as he studied the pair of eyes that stared directly into his. _Not blue, but...blue…like…the sky? Yeah, that's it. Sky. Where the clouds are. I like clouds…and I like Ino. I like Ino a _lot. _And I'm kissing her. Right now. Really kissing her. Yup. That's what I'm doing. That's…WHAT? _

Reality can be such a cruel thing. Shikamaru enjoyed a few more pain-free moments before it slapped him silly—and we aren't talking little baby slaps here, either.

It even _smiled_ at him before striking.

"Sheekawawu."

Oh bugger.

His mouth was still glued to hers. He had the decency to remove it.

"Y—yes?"

The frightening smile appeared.

"I'm going to kill you."

Gulp.

_Sweet mother…_

The frightening smile became even _more _frightening, gobbling up her face and leaving a deranged, psychopathic vampire-woman in its wake. All of Shikamaru's instincts told him to run, and run fast, but his body seemed to be against said action, much to his chagrin.

And then the side of his face went numb, and tiny stars danced around nauseatingly in front of his eyes.

Ino left him there in the snow and got to her feet, limbs like limp noodles, head a tad woozy, and glared at the crowd that had gathered to witness the spectacle. Never mind that she had just been kissed by the person she was falling in love with, and that, after the initial shock wore off, she discovered the experience wasn't as unpleasant as she might have expected. To tell the truth, she wouldn't be all that adverse to a repeat performance.

No, there was a principle involved, here. She hadn't exactly consented to the kiss beforehand (though Shikamaru really hadn't, either) and she would have preferred it to occur at a place other than out in front of all of their friends. Add that to the fact that their first kiss could have come straight out of a horridly predictable friends-who-are-just-friends-but-becoming-lovers romantic comedy, and the result equaled a very irritated Ino.

Sakura opened her mouth in an attempt to calm her, but she closed it when Ino gave her a look that said, 'not now, or I'll bite your head off.' No one moved as she stormed past them to the house, and the sound of the door slamming echoed like a gunshot.

Gaara, who had not yet escaped from his snow straight-jacket, turned his head to where Shikamaru lie, winced, and then looked up at Kakashi. "_That_ is why I don't bother with women. How the hell is a guy supposed to know what's going to make a girl snap before getting the crap beat out of him?"

The silvery-haired man gave a derisive snort. "Most of the time, it all boils down to dumb luck, my friend. Although," he stole a quick glance at Anko and smirked, "the chase is part of the fun."

Sensing eyes on her, the Special Jounin peeked over her shoulder, one eyebrow cocked. "Think leering at me is going to switch on my hormones, big guy?" She tried to sound aloof, though her body was in fact responding accordingly to the attention. Kakashi did not need to know how attracted she was to him, however—if mere eye contact resulted in her being in this state, she had no idea what would happen when he kicked the charm into full gear. _Jerk. I'm not about to let you seduce me so easily!_

"See what I mean?" whispered Kakashi to Gaara in the manner of one conspirator to another. To Anko, he said, "I was unaware that admiring the qualities of a lovely lady such as you is considered leering nowadays. Whether or not your hormones respond is one of those coincidental factors that I have no control over."

Anko's mouth twitched. Of all times for him to provoke her, he had to pick now, when every member of the party save Ino could eavesdrop. Quite a bit of history existed between her and Kakashi, and she had been victim to his tricks before. Well, she refused to take the bait now. Squatting down so that their faces were level with each other, she smiled a sugary sweet smile and said in a voice dripping with venom, "I'm on to you, boyo, and I'll remind you that there are factors to this little game I _can_ control, so you'd better be careful where you tread." As a final measure, she patted his cheek a bit softer than a slap, but hard enough to sting, winking at Gaara as she straightened and trundled off to the house for a shower.

"She likes me," Kakashi decided after his errant prey moved out of earshot.

"That's fabulous. Once you're married, I hope you have five billion babies that are just as obnoxious," Gaara told him. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm losing all the feeling in my limbs. Get the hell off."

Being no masochist, the Jounin obliged. "Sorry, sorry. Wouldn't want your Excellency to freeze to death."

Through an immense display of will-power, the Sand-nin managed to keep his temper leashed. "Are you trying to be funny?"

"Yes. Is it working?"

"No. Give us another."

"I'm not that stupid, Sandman."

Before he could receive a reply, Sharingan Kakashi performed one of his infamous vanishing acts, no trace of his presence left behind other than a small pile of leaves.

"Showoff," Gaara muttered.

* * *

Once the swelling in his cheek began to go down, Shikamaru took the time to ponder over the disaster he had made of his first kiss. From what he'd heard, kisses were not supposed to be violent affairs, neither were they to be the result of poor balance, however the dark-haired boy never did things normally, even when he had all of the books in front of him. How would he manage to wheedle out of impossible situations, otherwise? 

Yet his tactical skill had failed him miserably today. In his daydreams—when laziness did not hinder them—Shikamaru was the dashing rogue who swept his heroine off her feet and left her breathless with his unprecedented competence in the art of kissing—these daydreams never went very far, mind, as Shikamaru usually shook himself out of them when he realized how ridiculous they were.

The reality?

Oh, he swept her off her feet, all right. Into a nice pile of snow—the most unreliable substance _ever_—and earned an egg on his cheek for his efforts. The kiss itself hadn't been too bad—if one overlooked the fact that their mouths were not so much joined as they were _smashed _together, which left little room for enjoyment.

All of this had occurred three hours ago, and Ino still wasn't speaking to him. She had locked herself in their room, refusing to come out no matter who rapped on the door. Sakura finally herded everyone away, claiming that Ino would emerge when she calmed down enough to hold civil conversation. Quite convenient for the blonde, who did not have to worry about being tormented by their charming friends as long as she remained in isolation. Shikamaru, having no sanctuary to barricade himself in, was instead treated to the gibes in her place.

"Man, she really decked you!" Naruto snickered, pointing out the obvious with something akin to savage glee on his fox-like face.

"I never would have guessed," Shikamaru replied, voice dry as sandpaper.

"It was a valiant effort, though," commended Lee, eyes twinkling as he patted him on the back. "You get credit for being brave."

"Gee, thanks, Lee. You have no idea how comforting that is."

"Cheer up," Sasuke told him with an ironic grin. "At least you still have all of your teeth, right?"

Shikamaru did not bother responding.

"Knock it off, you guys," Sakura chided, cuffing Naruto on the back of his head before she set two large bowls of trail-mix on the coffee table. "The poor kid's had enough of an ordeal today as it is." She plopped next to her boyfriend on the couch, giggling when he made a face at her.

"I'm not made of titanium alloy," he muttered, rubbing at his head.

Gaara, GameBoy in hand, snorted. "That was a big word, Naruto. I'm amazed you know what titanium alloy _is_."

Shikamaru sighed while a round of verbal sparring began, grateful for the change in subject matter. His store of witty remarks seemed to have been misplaced amidst all the chaos, leaving him incapable of defending himself for extended periods. He remained where he was for a moment or two, quietly slipping off of his seat and moving down the hall when he was sure that everyone's attention was no longer on him.

A rattling noise to his left made him pause, eyebrows raised. Apparently, the broom closet had acquired some live occupants—and very rowdy ones, at that. From the amount of breathy giggles that filtered through the door, Shikamaru concluded that he would rather not stick around to listen—his cheeks had long since flared—and continued on to his destination. Once there, he took a few deep breaths, nervous all of a sudden, and drummed his fingertips against the wooden surface of the bedroom door.

"Ino?" He called softly. "Come on, Ino. Open up. We're going to have to talk sooner or later."

Silence.

"Ino please let me in."

Nothing.

"I'll stand here all night. You'll get hungry, and then you'll have to come out. I know you. Your stomach's gonna be growling soon, and you get sick if you don't eat."

"That's not fair!"

Shikamaru smiled."Exactly. Now quit being a spoiled brat and let me in." _If that doesn't send her flying—_

He had nothing to worry about. The door swung open and Ino stood there, hands balled into fists. "I am _not_ a spoiled brat!" She hissed, yanking him into the room and kicking the door closed with her heel. "How _dare _you—"

"Say such a thing, yeah, yeah," he interrupted, sitting cross-legged on the edge of the bed, the smile never having left his face. "But it worked, didn't it?"

Ino blinked at him, flummoxed. _He tricked me. That sneaky little—_ "I hate you."

"I'm sorry," he said, though she knew he wasn't. "Sit over here." Patting the spot near him, he beckoned to her. "Let's talk about why you hate me."

The tone of voice he used reminded her of the way their Academy teachers talked, adults addressing ignorant children who didn't know better, and it infuriated her. _Who does he think he is? He's making me look like the bad guy! I'll show him! _So what did she do?

Sat down next to him, of course, glaring out of the corner of her eye every now and then so he understood how irritated she was. "Well? What should I say? 'Oh, I'm so _happy_ you knocked me over and stole my first kiss in front of everyone! Next time, we should make out on stage in an amphitheater!' How's that?"

Shikamaru studied her. "Sounds like fun," he replied blandly. "Although instead of an amphitheater, make it an arena. We'll bring in more money."

The blonde girl gaped, thrown off guard by such a forward answer. Was Shikamaru _flirting _with her?

The shocked expression she wore made him laugh out loud, and it was not long before she joined in.

"I guess I set myself up for that one," she admitted once the laughter died down.

"Mm," Shikamaru agreed, flopping onto his back with his hands clasped over his stomach. Sloe-black eyes fixed upon her. "You know, my face is running out of places for you to hit. You're going to have to be more creative next time."

Now that he had drawn attention to it, the lump on the side of his cheek became the only thing Ino could focus on. _Damn…I didn't think I slugged him _that_ hard._ "Oh Shika, I'm sorry."

"I've heard that before."

Ino bristled. "So my apology isn't good enough for you? I really am sorry!"

"I know," he quickly held up his hands as a sign of peace. "I know. I was only kidding."

_Again. He made me look like a melodramatic ninny again,_ she realized with shame, averting her tear-filled eyes. _Is this really the type of person I am? Flying off the handle over every little thing, hurting the people I love the most? I'll bet he hates me for sure now. _The tears began to spill down her face, though she made no move to check them.

Shikamaru, who had not expected the abrupt shift in her emotions, began to panic. His mother was notorious for her mood-swings, happy one moment and hysterical the next, however it was his father's job to deal with her in those instances, and Shikamaru could usually escape without so much as a scratch.

_I have a new appreciation for what you put yourself through, Dad, _he thought giddily as he sat back up and pulled her into his arms, hyper-aware of the way his heart thrashed around like a caged bird. _I swore I'd never wind up like you, and then I went and made the same mistake of falling in love with the wrong girl. _"What's this? There's nothing to cry about, silly. I'm fine!"

"No you're n—not," came the muffled reply. "I p—punched you and I s—shouldn't have!" Jerking out of his hold, she looked up at him, face red and puffy. "Why are you always so nice to me? I was horrible to you, and you act like nothing happened! I know this afternoon wasn't your fault, but I still blamed you anyway. Doesn't that make you angry?"

He remained silent for some time, face unreadable. "Well…I could waste energy and start stumping through the house muttering to myself about how stupid I am, but…I'd be even more stupid to get mad at you for being yourself. Maybe you do overreact more than you should," he shrugged, "so what? You always cool off eventually." _And I'd never ask you to change, not for the world. _He added silently. _Though I'll probably regret that later…_

Ino could hardly believe what she was hearing. She'd spent most of her adolescence doing whatever possible to catch Sasuke's eye, growing out her hair because she knew—or thought she knew—that he liked long hair on girls, almost severing her ties with Sakura, her best friend, for good, something she still regretted to this day. Shikamaru was different. He basically just told her she did not _have_ to alter her personality or her looks around him, because he liked her the way she was. Hadn't she been dreaming for a person like him to come along, one who would accept her, flaws and all?

Of course, Shikamaru did not think his simple words would illicit another storm of weeping, and would have reconsidered opening his mouth at all if he had any idea. _She's going to be the death of me…_ "Ino! Stop crying! There's nothing to—" When she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face against the nape, he froze. "—cry about."

"Shut up," whispered Ino in exasperated good humor, "and hold me."

So he did.

Neither noticed the pairs of eyes that peeked through the tiny opening in the doorway, or the snickers accompanying them. They _did _notice the snide, "Aw, i'nt that adowabwe? They made up!" comment, and jumped apart as if touching each other burned. Sasuke, Lee, and Naruto flashed innocent grins before bolting, footsteps like a stampede dashing across the floor. Ino and Shikamaru exchanged a look.

"Shall we?" asked Ino, rising from the bed.

"Let's," said Shikamaru, also getting to his feet.

* * *

Kakashi and Anko were having a grand old time in the broom closet. 

He had accosted her soon after she finished with her shower—a most unfair move, as she had nothing on but a towel and could not do much in the way of resistance or else the towel would have fallen off—and she could tell instantly that he was in high-class hunter mode.

The last time she saw this phenomenon, she wound up in a _very_ compromising position, with not even a towel to protect her.

_Oh no…not good…not good at all…_was what her brain shouted; however her traitorous body seemed to feel otherwise. Carnal instinct often overrode reason whenever she got close to him, the calm part of her noted as his level, almost lazy gaze stared her down.

"That style of towel looks ravishing on you," he drawled, bracing himself on the doorframe of the bathroom—her only means of escape. The two of them—with the exception of Ino, who had locked herself in her room and showed no signs of coming out—were alone in the house, since everyone else was outside still, giving Kakashi the perfect opportunity to strike, and of course he took advantage of it.

Anko's eyebrow twitched. _Bastard. _"Why, thank you," she said demurely, staring back at him through her lashes. "Though I believe the terrycloth accentuates my curves better." Turning her back on him, she allowed the towel to slide off, pulling another from the rack nearby and wrapping it about her. "What do you think?" she asked over her shoulder, the picture of feminine virtuousness. _Eat that, Hatake. _

His expression remained a smooth mask. "I'd need to see more of a variety before I can form a solid opinion. A nude shade, perhaps?" He suggested, as earnest as a salesperson. _You can't beat me at this game, Mitarashi, though it's so much fun to see you try. _He grinned, and her composure began to splinter.

_Damn it! This has got to end, _now_, or I'm cooked. _Closing the scant distance between them, she jammed her finger against his rock-hard chest. "Look, I know what you're doing, Kakashi, and it's _not_ going to work—" Whatever else she meant to say was cut off by the insistent pair of lips that captured hers.

"On the contrary," he said cheerfully once he released her, "it already has."

Mouth opening and closing, Anko glared, slapped him, and then threw herself at him, caution abandoned to the wind.

Naturally, everyone chose that moment to return to the house, and since the force of impact had sent them both sprawling into the hall, they had no choice but to find someplace to hide—which brings us back to the broom closet.

There is a certain thrill involved in risk-taking, which would explain why people nowadays do foolish things like throwing themselves out of airplanes or jumping off of cliffs with bungee cords. At any time, someone could have opened the closet in search of a broom—the proper objects to live in a broom closet—which would have been awkward indeed, however nothing of the sort happened. Some kind of ruckus seemed to be going on in the family room that involved quite a bit of shouting and throwing of random objects, leaving Kakashi and Anko in the clear—at least for the present.

* * *

Sakura became suspicious when her former sensei and his violet-haired companion had been missing for over an hour. It was nearing dinner time, and she knew they hadn't eaten earlier. Decorum stated that she should find them before everyone else sat down to eat, so she grudgingly began to search the house, ignoring the urge to join the game of euchre her friends engaged in around the kitchen table. 

"I didn't even invite them here to begin with," she grumbled, poking her head under her bed. "Typical Kakashi…"

"Sakura-chan? What are you doing? Did you drop something?"

Startled, the pink-haired girl misjudged the distance between her head and the metal mattress-frame, her skull receiving a solid crack when she tried to get up. "Ouch!" she yelped, aggravated and in pain.

Naruto's eyes became like saucers. "I'm sorry!" He exclaimed, putting his hands on her shoulders as he sank down next to her. "I'm really, really sorry! I didn't mean to…I just…I didn't know where you were, so I came to look for you, and…yeah…" He trailed off when her piercing emerald eyes bored into his blue ones.

"Don't," she started to snap, but bit back her temper when she saw the pitiful look he gave her, "do that again, okay?" She finished in a more gentle tone.

"Right," nodded Naruto fervently. "So, uh…why were you under the bed, again?"

Head still throbbing, Sakura allowed him to help her stand. "Kakashi and Anko disappeared, and I was running out of places to look. Do you have any idea where they could be?"

"Hmm," Naruto scrunched his face in thought. "Did you try the broom closet?"

_The broom closet?_ She stared blankly for a moment. "No, as a matter of fact, I didn't. What would they be doing in there, though?"

Naruto grinned, impish. "The same thing they'd be doing under our bed, I'd imagine."

At her folly, Sakura blushed scarlet. "Oh. Good point."

Chuckling, the blonde kissed her forehead and towed her out of the room. "Come on. Let's catch our delinquent guests."

They stopped in front of the closet, straining to hear over the din pouring out of the kitchen.

"Ow, Kakashi, watch it!" A feminine voice gasped.

"Oops," a male voice replied. "Sorry."

Giggles.

Naruto looked at Sakura.

Sakura looked at Naruto.

Both burst out laughing, at which point the discourse in the closet ceased.

"Sounds like you two are having fun," Naruto intoned dryly.

They heard arguing then.

"You do it!"

"No, you!"

"You're closer!"

"Oh, _fine_."

The door opened a crack, and Kakashi's head appeared. "Yo."

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Yo to you, too." She attempted to peer around him to get a better look, but it was so dark that she couldn't see anything save the outline of Anko's hair. "Dinner's almost ready."

"Great! We'll be there in a minute," Kakashi told her before his head disappeared and the door closed.

More giggles.

"Well…that settles that," guffawed Naruto, already leading his girlfriend back to the kitchen and the game of euchre.

Sakura was still trying to decide whether or not she wanted to skewer them for behaving like irresponsible teenagers, or to ignore what she had just witnessed. After much contemplation, she chose to ignore it.

* * *

Later that evening, everyone gathered in the family room, where a large fire crackled in the hearth, to talk and enjoy each other's company. If anyone noticed how close Kakashi and Anko had gotten recently, they did not say a word, but rather kept their opinions to themselves. Shikamaru and Ino, too, seemed to have come to an understanding over that afternoon's events, and appeared quite friendly with one another, her legs draped across his lap. 

Yes, everything was as it should be, our lovebirds—all of them—content. Even the storm that raged outside could do nothing to dampen their spirits. They were all inside, after all, in a dry, cozy cabin with a fire, so what was a little snow?

And then the power went out.

"Lovely," Sasuke deadpanned, the first to speak.

"Dude, I can't see the screen anymore!" Gaara protested, Link a tiny black blob on the GameBoy. The fire provided the only light in the house, and it wasn't much.

"Why don't you turn it off, then," Sakura suggested. "It won't kill you to become a part of the group for a little while."

"You know, this is the perfect night for a ghost story," Lee commented as the GameBoy sailed past his face.

Ino paled. "Ghost stories? I don't know…"

"Aw, don't be a wimp," Kakashi chided. "Anybody got a good one?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. _Oh brother…ghosts aren't real…_

Somehow, Naruto acquired a flashlight, which he flicked on right beneath his chin, the light reflecting eerily off his contorted features. "I'VE COME TO GET YOU! BWAH-HA-HA-HA!"

Anko, Sakura, and Ino screamed.

"Naruto, you jerk!" Sakura gave him a shove, heart pounding. The flashlight flew out of his grasp and spun in a circle on the floor, briefly illuminating all of the residents of the house, most of which were laughing.

"Well, there's the one about the sinkhole near the Hokage monument," Lee picked up the thread of conversation again.

"Heard it," Sasuke said. "Everybody knows that one."

"What about the strangled kid by the clover field?" Anko put in, bringing an amused smile to her silver-haired couch-mate's face.

"I remember when I was little, my friends dressed me up and stuck me out in the middle of that field to scare the girls they dared to go there."

The Special Jounin's jaw dropped. "That was _you_?" She cried, indignant. "I had nightmares for weeks!"

Amidst laughter, Kakashi affected his most pious appearance. "My dear Anko, _I _am not at fault here. If you must blame someone, blame Genma and Asuma. They were such evil children—" He could not finish his sentence, being under attack by a well-aimed pillow.

Ino, who had grown more apprehensive at the mention of ghosts, shifted a bit closer to Shikamaru, so that he was within grabbing distance. "I _hate_ ghost stories," she whispered, foot jiggling, a nervous habit.

"I don't like them much, either," Shikamaru admitted, stilling the foot with a hand. Mischievous, he reached out and tugged on a lock of her hair. "I thought you weren't afraid of anything."

He referred to their days as Genins, of course, when she had appointed herself the leader of their team and strutted about like a peacock basking in the limelight. When it came to actual fighting, however, she often blurted out a nonsense excuse and fled, especially if she knew her opponent could crush her in a matter of seconds.

Now, years after the fact, it was quite funny, really.

"Hush," she retorted. "I've gotten better, and you know it."

"I suppose," he replied, grinning.

Sakura, silent for some time, could no longer keep quiet. "I know a story. It takes place in this very house."

Conversation in the room stopped, and all eyes fixed on her, the merry crackle of the fire magnified by the sudden stillness. When she was sure that no one would interrupt, she began to narrate in hushed tones, the way that her father did whenever he told this story.

"About a hundred years ago, a man who owned a tarnished black violin traveled from town to town, playing on street corners, in pubs, anyplace he could stand where the music would carry. People came from miles around to hear his violin, the sound different to every individual. Some said it reminded them of a woman weeping, others claimed the violin sang to them in the voices of loved-ones beyond the grave. No matter where he played, the man always attracted a crowd, and the people loved him as they feared his haunting violin.

"And they were right to fear, for the violin had a personality of its own, one that was full of malice. The man never stayed behind after a performance, but stole away to a place where he would be completely alone, because the violin toyed with his thoughts once the music faded, enveloping his mind with darkness. The violin needed blood, transferring its lust to the man who lived for his music. Day after day, the man fought to remain in control of his inhuman urges, and with each day that passed, he grew weaker. You see, he traveled because he did not want to form attachments, did not want to develop a fondness that would keep him rooted in one place. If he did, the nefarious spirit of the violin would triumph. But every human yearns for a place to call his own, and eventually the man, even though he tried to resist, fell in love."

Sakura looked around at her friends, all of whom stared back at her, riveted, even Gaara, though he feigned disinterestedness, and rather badly, at that. Pleased, she continued.

"His wife was a kind woman, very beautiful, and she loved the man with all her heart. He built this house for her in the mountains, because she enjoyed the atmosphere and the animals that made their homes nearby. She never asked her husband why he insisted she stay away after he played his violin, though she could not help but worry. His health had slowly begun to deteriorate, and his temper, normally mild and caring, turned bestial. He threw tantrums over the smallest of things, ranting and raving, though he did not hurt her. He never hurt her.

"Then one day, when her husband had gone off to visit the doctor in town, the woman went into the attic, where she knew he kept the violin. As soon as she rested her fingertips against the wood, she felt coldness deep in her bones, and a dry rasp whispered in her ears, and she understood why her husband had changed. The violin needed to be destroyed. It was a thing of evil, an evil that now possessed her husband. Without a second thought, she dashed the violin upon the ground, where it shattered into pieces.

"The man returned soon after, and he seemed more restless and agitated than usual. He ate the dinner his wife prepared without so much as a word to her, his eyes continually straying to the fireplace. Something was wrong. The fire burned brighter than it should have, the flames like talons cleaving the air. What did you put in the fire, he asked his wife. Nothing, she replied, only the wood you brought home yesterday. But she did not look at him when she spoke, and he knew she was lying, knew what served as kindling to the ravenous flames. The violin. His beloved violin. His abhorrent violin.

"Before she died, her husband's hands stained with her blood, his wife lovingly caressed his cheek, her own face a mask of pain, and slipped away, his name frozen for eternity on her lips.

"The spell of the violin was broken. The man, seeing what he had done, howled in anguish, and his cries echoed like the baying of a wolf. No one knows what happened to the man, only that he was found a few days later lying in a pool of dried blood, his hands cut off. They say he still wanders to this day, searching for his hands, and that the spirit of the violin lingers near the attic, waiting for a new victim to ensnare. You can even hear it play, ever so softly, if you listen hard enough."

As if to provide the final accompaniment, the fire in the hearth gave a loud 'POP,' making everyone jump, including Sakura.

"Well, now that you've sufficiently scared the crap out of all of us, I think I'm going to bed," said Shikamaru once he found his voice. Raising a questioning eyebrow at Ino, who clutched him so tightly he believed his circulation would be cut off, she nodded and stood up with him, though did not relinquish her hold on his arm.

"Swell idea, Lee," Naruto grumbled, the hair on the back of his neck raised. "Oh, let's tell ghost stories! I'm lucky if I get two winks of sleep…"

"Bah," Gaara scoffed. "There's no such thing as ghosts. 'Ooo! An evil violin!' Whatever." Rolling over on his side, he put an end to his stint as 'part of the group' and went to sleep.

"He's got the right of it," Kakashi motioned to the lump that was the Sand-nin. "I've had enough excitement for one day. Why don't we all turn in for the night?"

"Part of that excitement you brought on yourself," Sasuke pointed out drowsily.

Kakashi ignored him; Anko winked at the dark-haired Uchiha.

When Naruto and Sakura, who fumbled their way in the pitch black to their room, were settled in bed, Naruto turned to his girlfriend and asked, "Was all that stuff true? About the house, and the violin, and…the hands?"

She giggled, snuggling next to him under the blankets. "I have no idea. My dad used to gather us around when it was really stormy out and tell that one, but he probably made it up. He loves getting a rise out of me and my mom. It's like a game to him." A yawn so large made her jaw creak. "Go—od night, f—ox."

"'Night, Sakura-chan," he whispered into her hair, holding her a bit tighter for security. One never knew if a ghost would appear, after all.

* * *

Ino swore left and right that she heard a violin. She'd been able to tune it out for the first hour or so, but after three hours of lying with her eyes closed, convinced that if she opened them she'd find a handless homicidal maniac floating at her bedside, she'd had enough. 

"Shika."

He twitched slightly.

"Shiiikaaa," her lips were at his ear.

Another twitch, followed by a swipe. Damn bugs…

"Shika!"

"AUGH!"

He sat bolt upright. Twisted his head to the side. The little blonde devil glared at him as if she were the one who'd been traumatized. How kind.

"What, Ino?" The words were measured, calm.

"Are you _angry_?"

Shikamaru sighed. Not four in the morning, and the circus had already come to town. "What's the matter?" Clever ploy, to bypass accusations with an 'I care more about _your_ problems' question, and use body language to prove sincerity.

It worked.

"I heard the violin."

Cue in the dancing elephants.

Determined to salvage the rest of the night, Shikamaru allowed his body to fall back to its previous position. "Go to sleep, Ino," he mumbled, coherency abandoned.

"Shika!"

_Pretend like I can't hear…_

"Shika!" She hissed.

_Don't move, remain as stone…_

Ino tried one last tactic. After years of friendship, she memorized each of his ticklish spots, and could locate them at will.

"AUGH!"

Once again, Shikamaru propelled himself from the mattress, a slight tingle beneath his ribcage where he'd been poked. Breathing heavily, he stared at Ino, trying very hard to defeat the urge to launch her through a wall.

"There is no violin," he bluntly remarked. "You're imagining things because your brain's on overdrive."

"I'm telling you, I heard a violin!" She insisted, crossing her arms over her chest. "I can't sleep anymore!"

_Why me?_ Shikamaru implored to whoever it was that oversaw the lives of mortals on earth. _Why? _"And what do you expect me to do about it?"

"I…I don't know!" She spluttered, irritated that he didn't have a clever solution right away. He was Shikamaru, after all, and Shikamaru was _supposed_ to know what to do, being a supreme genius. "Go out there and…make it stop!"

Go out there and make it stop. Charming. "How can I make something that _I can't hear_ stop, huh?"

Wrong thing to say.

Ino appeared as if she were preparing to claw his eyes out. "Nara Shikamaru," –he winced. Whenever females called him by his full name, he knew trouble lurked— "If you don't go out there and stop that…that _thing_, you're not sleeping in this bed anymore."

_And that's final_, he added silently, resigned. Ino would remain true to her word if he did not do as she requested, and the prospects for his future sleeping arrangements looked grim indeed. Sharing a bed with Ino, no matter how demanding she could be, was far better than sharing a couch with Sasuke or Lee or Gaara.

"All right, all right," he grumbled, lurching to the door and flinging it open. Inky black darkness greeted him, the kind that makes it difficult to maneuver around in without procuring wounds. _Great. Just great—_"WAH!"

"YEAUGH!"

"Ghost!" shrieked Ino, who had torn from the room and barreled into Shikamaru, whose heart currently tried its hardest to escape from the confines of his chest.

A wobbling beam of light, held in the hands of Sakura, sliced through the blackness. "Ino? Shika?"

"Yeah," was Shikamaru's disgruntled reply. "Why are you guys up? Don't tell me—"

Naruto, more than a tad jumpy, supplied, "I heard the violin, I'm serious!"

"Me too!" declared Ino. "I've been hearing it all night—"

"Yeah! So have I!"

Shikamaru and Sakura exchanged bemused glances before their little gathering acquired some new members. Kakashi, Anko, and Sasuke bumped and blundered their way down the hall, arms outstretched to feel for potential obstacles.

"So, I take it you guys have a case of the willies too, eh?" Kakashi asked as he neared them. "Anko wouldn't shut up about the damn violin—Oy! Be gentle!"

Though they couldn't really see her face, it was obvious that the Special Jounin directed a scowl at her companion. "Next you're going to accuse me of losing my mind—"

"Hold it!" Sasuke practically shouted, utter exhaustion affecting his mood. "We're not accomplishing anything by bickering, and _some _of us want to get back to bed," he glared around the circle of people, "so could we please decide on a course of action _now_, before the entire night's completely wasted? For starters, someone should check out the attic. The sound's most likely coming from there."

Naruto had the grace to appear sheepish on account of his part in disrupting the sleep of others, though not sheepish enough to volunteer himself to investigate. "I think Kakashi should do it. He's the oldest."

"Not by choice," the silvery-haired man protested. "Make Sakura go. It's her house."

"Me?" squeaked the girl in question. "Hell no! I've only been there once, and I swore I'd never go again!"

A soft shushing noise like feet ghosting over loose floorboards echoed above them. Ino uttered a silent scream, and flung herself into Shikamaru's arms. He took the opportunity to voice his opinion.

"How about Gaara and Lee? Carrot-top doesn't believe in ghosts, so he won't be afraid to look, and Thick-Brows is so gung-ho about playing hero that he'll jump at the chance to save the day."

Brilliance personified, that Nara Shikamaru. In the end, his brains proved their worth, even if it took them a while to get things right.

And so it was that Konoha's Green Beast and the Demon of the Sand, once enemies, now reluctant comrades, ventured into the deep unknown, valiantly disregarding their own well-being to dispel the fears of their friends—well, at least one half of the duo convinced himself of that, anyway.

"It's so _convenient_ for them to have me here," Gaara growled, almost missing a step on the way up the old, wooden stairs to the attic. A series of curses later, he continued on, "never mind that I may have my own agenda, and it does _not _include sniffing about for phantom violins, damn it!"

Lee spared a glance over his shoulder at his brother-in-arms, one brow cocked. "You're not _scared_, are you, oh mighty one?"

The Sand-nin's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I'll shatter your bones again if you continue to spout crap, so help me—"

"Shh!" ordered Lee, waving a hand to silence his companion. "Listen."

_Scrape…scrape…scrape…_

Gaara, who experienced a brief moment of alarm, shook his head to clear it of the cobwebs that seemed to have settled there. _Stupid…calm down! _"A mouse," he commented breezily, "those critters thrive in attics."

Lee still appeared unsure, and held his flashlight a bit higher to expand the diameter of the beam of light it emitted as he labored up the remaining stairs. "Ah, here we are."

As they stepped onto the landing, the attic, a wide storage area filled to the brim with clutter, stretched before them. A thick layer of dust had settled on every surface; sheets once white, now stained yellow, had been draped over the larger pieces of furniture—Lee uncovered an antique writing-desk and two armchairs, while Gaara found a table, in whose legs had been carved interesting, ornate designs.

"Well…this is definitely an example of your standard attic," Lee admitted, somewhat crestfallen. A tiny part of him hoped for a bit of an adventure, though it certainly did not seem like he would find one presently.

Gaara, on the other hand, harbored no disappointment whatsoever. The attic was _cold_, and his warm couch and blanket beckoned. "Pointless," he sniffed. "They're all delusional juveniles. I _knew_ we wouldn't find anyth—" He froze.

Nearby, Lee's chortle died in his throat.

Through an open window, the only one in the attic, an icy wind blasted against their faces, scattering dust particles and producing an eerie, whistling cry—but that was not what made their blood run cold.

"WAHHH!" The two chorused in unison, clinging together like terrified children.

"V—v—v—" Lee stuttered.

"Violin," croaked Gaara.

Sea green pupils locked with black.

Somewhere, disembodied hands played a series of notes eerie enough to make skin creep.

"What do we do?" Lee mustered the courage to whisper.

Gaara swallowed. _Don't panic…whatever you do…_ "I have no clue." He admitted, and it was like pulling teeth.

The Green Beast thought long and hard. _Gai sensei…If this were you, you wouldn't run away! I know it! You'd stand up like a man! _He pictured his beloved sensei, spandex jumpsuit and all, and heard his voice bestowing encouragement. _"Lee! You have the power of youth! Do not fear what you cannot see, but forge on ahead! Make me proud, Lee!" _

Unholy fire burned in his eyes. "Sensei! I won't let you down!"

_Eh? Oh lord…he's mental…_thought Gaara as he watched Lee plant his feet and put his fists on his hips. _Sensei…HA! The kid's obsessed, I swear…_

"Whoever you are, come out and fight like a man, coward!" shouted the dark-haired boy into the inky blackness. "Have you no honor, fiend?"

The Sand-nin rolled his eyes. "You're about as scary as a fuzzy pink bunny," he remarked, shoving the other boy aside. "GET OUT HERE NOW, YA YELLOW-BELLIED BASTARD WANNABE!"

In reply, a violent gust of wind sent random knick-knacks tumbling to the floor with a crash.

"AUGH!"

Gaara scrambled for cover behind an armchair; Lee dove beneath the table. Those eerie notes had gotten louder, closer since the Sand-nin's challenge. Their ghost, apparently, did not take kindly to insult.

"Gaara?" Whispered Lee.

"Yeah?" He whispered back, hair on end.

"I'm not keen on dying in an attic."

A pause. "Me neither."

"Have your flashlight?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Count of three, we'll shine 'em at the center."

"How's that gonna help?"

"When in darkness, always look to a light to guide your path."

Gaara's tell-tale eye gave a twitch. "Spare me the philosophy lesson," he snapped, then heaved a sigh. "Let's just get this over with."

Lee grinned. "Ready? One, two, three!"

Two beams of light met near the center of the room, casting a soft glow over the spilled items, which included some silverware, a framed picture, a baby doll, and—

Both Gaara and Lee, who shared a similar mindset and found everything about this situation remarkably hilarious all of a sudden, began to giggle hysterically, tears streaming from their eyes.

A tiny music box wrought in the shape of a violin, glazed in a glossy, ebony hue, rested on its side, lid ajar. This particular box was the type designed to play if the lid was open, releasing a catch that caused a small, cylindrical device to turn, emitting a soft, tinkling pre-determined melody.

Everyone gathered around at the foot of the stairs as the two triumphant ghost-busters appeared, carrying their spoil of war. Gaara thrust the music box into Sakura's hands, stated, "There's your ghost, pansies," and made a beeline for his couch, on which he promptly collapsed. Lee paused long enough to smile his Gai-esque smile, and followed.

Sakura gawped at the object she held. "Wow…I completely forgot about this thing. It was my grandfather's."

"Wonderful," said Sasuke. "Mystery solved. Can we go to sleep now?"

"Fabulous idea," Shikamaru nodded, eyelids seeming to weigh a ton each. "And no more ghost stories, eh?"

Nobody voiced any disagreement.

* * *

When all of the members of the mountain-house party were safe in their beds—or couches—and fast asleep, a violin began to sing a lilting, mischievous tune, as if it had been the author of a masterful jest. 

The music box rested on Sakura's dresser, lid closed.

* * *

Hee-hee! Couldn't resist a little bit of spooky fun. What's going to happen next? I really have no idea. This story has already ballooned into something much larger than I originally anticipated, so we'll see where my muse takes me, eh? Oh, and for all of you keeping up with the manga…in the event that a certain heinous thing (you know what I'm talking about) does in fact take place, this story will remain unaltered, even though it's going to hurt like hell writing future chapters..:sniffle: 


	11. Operation Catch That Squirrel!

Well, folks, it's that time again!

UPDATE MANIA! WHEEEE:bounces off the walls:

**Warning**: This chapter may contain ample amounts of cracked-out, slapstick humor, because…author is hyper…so do not expect much seriousness (although most of this story can hardly be considered serious…XD)

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* * *

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**Chapter 11: Operation Catch That Squirrel!**

* * *

Maito Gai was on the prowl. 

No, no, not for ladies, never fear (what a frightening prospect, ne?). No, our lovable, spandex-wearing image of esteemed ninjahood had received a tip from a very reliable source—one Sarutobi Asuma, who was feeling a bit on the snarky side and decided that a certain silvery-haired friend was in need of a some extra excitement—that Hatake Kakashi and Mitarashi Anko had gone off on a skiing excursion a day or so ago, and had not since returned.

"Yeah, I have no idea what they're up to," the chain-smoking Jounin had said between drags on his ever-present cigarette. His deep voice contained subtle hints that he _did _in fact know what they were up to—or, more specifically, what _Kakashi_ was up to—however Gai was too overjoyed to notice.

"Skiing, eh?" He mused, rubbing his hands together gleefully. "I'll bet that idiot went and got himself killed on the way down one of the hills."

Asuma snorted, and nearly inhaled his cigarette. "I doubt that," he wheezed. "You know Kakashi. He's always been athletic."

Gai's face fell, overly large brows snapping together. "You're right. It wouldn't be that easy to get rid of him." _Damn…_

"Do you really _want _to get rid of him?" The other man inquired, amused. "Who'd be your eternal rival, then? Sure as hell wouldn't be me."

"Oh…I hadn't really thought of it that way."

"See? I'm useful once in awhile," Asuma replied cheerfully, and then slapped Gai on the back. "You should try and track those rascals down. All of your missions are finished, right?"

"Yeah," Gai admitted reluctantly. "But why should I waste valuable leisure time on them? I don't care what they're doing," he scoffed, though it was a boldfaced lie, and his companion knew it.

"If you find them, you'll be able to spy on 'em for us and bring back the dish," Asuma pointed out, a large grin plastered on his face. "Didn't you hear about the bet? I wagered an arm and a leg that they'll be on each other by the end of the week, and Genma's a stickler when it comes to gambling. He's in charge of the money, and he'll own me without blinking an eye if they don't show soon."

Gai did try to appear nonchalant about the whole thing, tapping one finger against his chin as if mulling over his options, but there was no way he could allow the opportunity to snoop on his life-long nemesis pass him by. "I suppose I don't have anything better to do," he conceded with a shrug. _YOSH! This is my chance! I'll finally be the one who looks cool instead of him! _"And I'm always willing to help a friend," he added modestly, his signature smile, complete with a 'ting' from his pearly white teeth, springing into action.

And so it was that Konoha's original Green Beast departed from his home and began the quest of locating the elusive Sharingan Kakashi and the hyperactive Mitarashi Anko, a pair that gave trouble its middle name—er…Double…trouble. Well, whatever. The two were devious enough on an individual level; together, their antics spread chaos wherever they went, and it was essential that their nefarious ways be exposed at all costs.

This mission was an A-rank, no doubt about it, and Gai would die before he failed to carry it out.

Or something like that.

Besides, the horrified looks he would receive from Kakashi when he embarrassed him in front of everyone would be a payoff he'd cherish for years afterward, so he didn't mind slogging through snow with silly contraptions shaped like tennis rackets strapped to his feet, nor wearing goggles that engulfed most of his face, giving him the appearance of a deranged bug. The huge green parka he wore over his clothes only added to the image—there had been plenty of other parkas for him to choose from when he went to the store, but green was his favorite color, and, naturally, he bought that one, not considering how much like a grasshopper he'd look once all of his gear was on.

The wind was quite brisk as he toiled out in the wilderness, the exposed areas of his skin turning a bright and rosy red. Here and there, woodland animals frolicked through the white-coated forest; on occasion, small packs of the critters would line either side of his path, their black-button eyes grave as they observed this great, hulking thing that had intruded upon their habitat.

Being Gai, he could not resist smiling at them as he passed.

"Hello there, little ones!" He called loudly, waving one gloved hand.

The animals—a group of snowshoe hares—exchanged bemused glances that seemed to say 'What the heck is this moron doing?' before turning tail and bounding hastily away.

_Well that wasn't very nice! _He thought, incensed. _I was only trying to be friendly—_

A sudden crashing sound from above drew his attention.

_What the—?_

Once he was buried beneath an avalanche of snow, Gai understood the reason why the rabbits snubbed him.

Shouting in a snowy wood was never a good idea if one wished to emerge on the other side intact.

* * *

After all the hoopla over Sakura's ghost story settled, the remainder of the night passed uneventfully—at least, for most members of the mountain house party. 

Sasuke, tired before people started claiming they'd heard violins, slept like he hadn't in years, and he was still out cold when the others began to stir.

Since Lee had been one of those volunteered to search the attic, he was a trifle jumpy, though he did manage some sleep, his head buried beneath his pillow, an arm and leg flopped over the side of the couch.

On the floor yet again, Kakashi and Anko seemed to have no problems drifting off, the latter using the former as a sort of makeshift bed. The silvery-haired Jounin woke sooner than his conquest, allowing him time to fully appreciate their position—in other words, his hands just so happened to start roving of their own accord. At one point, they settled in a spot that made it rather impossible for the woman being groped not to take notice, and her reflexes proved faster than Kakashi's, earning him a nice, healthy black eye—the normal one, mind.

"Look at it this way," she told him once the colorful array of bruises began to show, "I've balanced out that pretty face of yours. I'm so generous sometimes, I make myself sick."

"Oh yeah," he deadpanned, "_real_ generous. Thanks ever so much."

"It's your own fault," she informed him primly. "You should've kept your hands to yourself." The mischievous part of her mind had a different opinion, however, the very same part that egged her on the previous day during the broom closet escapade. Why did his touching her now matter, if he did much more than that earlier?

_Hush, _she ordered her errant thought processes. _That's not the point, here. _

The fact that she wasn't exactly sure _what _the point was made her slightly uncomfortable—there was no way Kakashi could have reeled her in so fast. She wasn't some fickle bimbo who flitted from one man to the next whenever she felt like it!

Although, to get technical, the only other person she had any kind of relationship with had been Orochimaru, and that could hardly be considered a 'relationship' in conventional terms. It was more like he singled her out when she was still young and vulnerable as a guinea pig for some of his experiments, and, as she had not exhibited what he searched for, he discarded her like an old, useless rag.

Kakashi was a far more attentive…whatever he was…(her mind screamed _lover_, but she ignored it), and he pursued her with dogged determination, never giving up no matter how often she abused him. Perhaps that was why, even though she resisted him, she inevitably found herself in a hopeless bind whenever he was near. The years with Orochimaru had scarred her to a degree, making her hesitant to put herself in a spot where she had to surrender control to another, and Kakashi knew it. He knew, yet instead of driving him away, her unique predicament made him as persistent as ever.

Any which way she looked at it, she was doomed.

Leaning forward, she brushed her lips against the thin scar on his cheek, grateful that they were the only two awake so far.

When she drew back, he was examining her with the strangest expression on his face, as if stunned that she had initiated a show of affection.

"What was that for?" he asked in wonder, cheek tingling where she kissed it.

She felt her heart melt at the way he stared at her, his hair unkempt and messy, stray pieces of silver falling in his eyes, looking as cuddly as a teddy bear… "No particular reason," she replied, "Just my way of apologizing."

One of his silvery eyebrows arched. "I thought you were pissed at me. Change your mind now that you gave me a shiner?"

"Yes, actually."

He pouted at her for a moment—a most deadly tactic, indeed, as she had to fight like mad not to fling herself at him, the clever bastard—and then the pout morphed into a smirk. "Figures. Women have a tendency to be irrational about everything," he observed, giving her arms a yank so that she fell against him, hungry mouth seizing hers.

And the funny thing was…she didn't shy away.

_I'm losing my mind…I must be…_

Any further internal musings were put on hold when Nartuo, bleary-eyed, came bumbling in—led by Sakura, of course, since his motor skills had not yet caught up with his brain signals—and made note of the interesting new development in the most tactless manner possible.

"Whoa…d'you see that?" He whispered loudly, waving one finger in Kakashi and Anko's direction.

The Special Jounin could feel her face heat up as the kiss came to an abrupt end. As one, she and Kakashi turned their heads, both wearing the same sheepish expression.

Sakura, in a better humor today over her new houseguests appearance, raised one delicate pink eyebrow. "Progressed beyond the broom closet, have you?"

"Er…" said Anko.

"I wouldn't exactly call it _progress_, Sakura," the silvery-haired man came to her aid, grinning impishly. "This is tame compared to what went on in the broom closet. Now, if you had caught us—"

"Do you want me to black out your other eye?" Anko interjected before Kakashi could embarrass her beyond the point of repair. "They get the picture. Shut up."

Sakura's other eyebrow joined the first. Getting a closer look at her former sensei, she noticed his new affectation and shook her head. "You never learn, do you, Kakashi? It's amazing. Even the women who _like_ you beat you up."

Naruto—who had somehow made it to the kitchen table without any assistance—and Anko both sniggered at that.

Kakashi, on the other hand, appeared as if he were about to protest, though changed his mind midway. "I don't know what happened to you," he said in a tragic voice to Sakura. "You used to be such a pleasant little lady, but now the claws are out. I suppose shrewish behavior comes with age…"

Luckily for Kakashi—Sakura, by this point, was about ready give him more than just a black eye to worry about for his comment—a disturbance in the nearby vicinity diverted the attention of all, even those formerly asleep.

"YEAUGH!"

A pile of blankets erupted from the far couch like magma shot out of a volcano, revealing everyone's favorite psychotic Sand-nin, his eyes staring about wildly. "I can't play the violin anymore!" he croaked, voice raw as if he had been screaming. "My hands are gonna be cut off if I do! I need my hands!"

Naruto, Sakura, Anko, and Kakashi gaped, their mouths hanging open. Lee, startled awake, did not quite grasp the fact that his pillow found its way over his head during the night, and was therefore convinced that he had gone blind.

"Gai sensei!" He lamented with a muffled cry. "I can't see! My eyes are—"

Sasuke, once again deprived of extra sleep by all the commotion, reached over from his couch and knocked the pillow off. "Moron," he muttered irritably.

Lee blinked, his vision miraculously restored. He looked at Sasuke, then at the distraught Gaara, who was babbling on about violins, and blinked once more. "Oh," was all he managed by way of response.

"It was just a dream, Gaara," Sakura soothed, having since kneeled by the redhead's couch in an attempt to calm him. "Your hands are fine, see?" She showed him the matching pair, and he seemed to relax somewhat.

"Then I don't have to play?"

"No," she replied firmly. "You don't have to play."

"Good," he said, hints of his more rational—well, as rational as Gaara could be—self slowly seeping back into him like water absorbed by a sponge. The telltale danger twitch in the early stages of re-emergence, he treated the others to a universal glare. "If any of you says a _thing_ about this later, heads are gonna roll."

The threat was really unnecessary, of course. It was a shared instinct not to provoke Gaara in any way that would send him over the edge, or the consequences would exceed dire. A friendly reminder never hurt, however. The Sand-nin's companions were known to slip up on occasion, so he figured it would be best to provide some reinforcement of the rule.

Sakura answered for all of them by plopping the GameBoy into his hands. "Say anything about what?" She said, sounding genuinely puzzled, and then winked. Gaara scowled at her for all of two seconds until the irresistible pull of the GameBoy drew his eyes to the screen, and he immersed himself in the animated world of Hyrule.

Meanwhile, in another part of the house, Shikamaru was under siege by a formidable opponent, indeed, one equipped with a voice that could be defined as 'expressive,' by some—he was more inclined to call it a direct threat to the eardrums of unsuspecting victims—, claw-like extensions that were generally classified as fingernails, and an exquisite talent in the art of bestial facial manipulation.

In other words, Yamanaka Ino.

"You—stole—all—the—covers," the devil-creature grated between clenched teeth, taking her time to draw out each word. Her cerulean eyes were narrowed into slits, and they flashed dangerously beneath her lids. "We had _no heat_ last night because the _electricity's_ out, and you hoarded all the sheets for yourself!"

To a degree, this was true. When he woke—Ino took the liberty of deciding he didn't need any more sleep—he found himself wrapped from the neck down in bedclothes, which only left a tiny patch no bigger than a hands width for Ino. Right away, he knew he was in very deep trouble.

"I didn't do it on purpose!" He insisted even as he scrambled to disentangle himself. "Seriously, Ino—"

"That's a likely story," she almost shrieked. "Look at my arms!" She shoved them in his face. They were covered in gooseflesh.

Shikamaru winced. _Wonderful…_

"I'm going to get hypothermia," she raged, tugging on the edge of one of the blankets, "and it'll be all your fault, and then you'll have to wait on me hand and foot until I get better!" Another savage jerk and the blanket came free—Shikamaru along with it. Like coiled rope unwound, he went rolling over the side of the bed to land on the floor with a thump. While the impact was nothing short of painful, it was made worse by the crack on the head he received from the nightstand on the way down.

Dazed and cross-eyed, he lay there motionless. "Ouch."

Ino was horrified. She had not expected such a dramatic outcome in her efforts to liberate the blanket, and she scurried over to the edge of the bed to peer down at Shikamaru, lip trembling. "Did I kill you?" She whispered in a querulous little voice, her fingers bunched in sheets that she held to her mouth.

_If this is death, then I'm a goldfish_, the Jounin thought dryly. "Yes, Ino. You killed me. My lips are moving and sound's coming out, but I'm really dead." There was an odd ringing sensation in his ears, one that made his words echo strangely. _Weird…maybe I shouldn't talk anymore…_

"Don't joke about something like that!" the blonde girl snapped, her temper already on the rise. "You really could've been hurt!"

Had his head not been spinning so much, he would have laughed, but he settled for a terse grunt instead. "I'm hovering on the verge of unconsciousness, though I guess the standard for serious injury has gone up these days."

Her anger evaporated in an instant. "Are you honestly going to pass out? Oh lord…I'll go get Sakura. She's a medic, she can—"

"Whoa," Shikamaru cut her off, "I'm fine, I'm fine. Just…gimme a hand." He extended his arm to her, and, with some effort, she got him into a sitting position.

"Are you _sure_ you're okay? You're not bleeding, are you?" Climbing down from her perch, she gently probed her fingers over his scalp. He winced when she brushed a sore spot, but as far as blood went, she didn't find any. "Good," she breathed, relief washing over her features, and then she gave him a sharp look. "You need to stop being so reckless!"

Oh, the irony.

Shikamaru decided he wasn't in the mood for an involved discussion about the sheer irrationality of Ino's thought processes, because he was sure she would become defensive at some point and rattle a few more of his essential brain cells, so he allowed her the comment without retaliation.

Only later, once he and Ino joined the others around the kitchen table for a conference, as Sakura called it, did the implications of Shikamaru's acquiescent behavior hit home.

He was his father's son.

* * *

"Okay," Sakura clapped her hands together briskly as she addressed the members of the mountain house party, looking very much like a drill sergeant, "we've got a lot of work to do. Naruto, Saskue," she glanced at each in turn, "since the power's still out, I want you two to fiddle with the circuit breaker and try to get it back on. Ah," she held up her hand before they could protest, "no arguments, or I'll be mad." She smiled sweetly. "We don't want that, now do we?" 

Naruto's face drained of its color. Avoiding his pink-haired girlfriend's wrath was a top priority, especially when one considered the insane strength she possessed in abundance that enabled her to smash through solid objects—like boulders, for instance—and not even break a sweat.

"No," he said quickly, shaking his head back and forth with such force his hair was a yellow blur. "We'll get right on it," he glared at Saskue, "won't we?" In the pause that followed, he mouthed, as unobtrusively as possible, 'you say no, and you die.'

For a moment, it appeared as though, out of spite, Sasuke was about to refuse, however the disadvantages of that course of action far outnumbered the benefits—and Sasuke wasn't so dense as to risk his hide for the sake of a petty dig. "Whatever."

Sakura beamed at them, and moved on to her next targets, Gaara, Shikamaru, and Lee. "Firewood," she stated flatly.

Gaara, seething over Link's latest departure from life, stared at his host, eye twitching violently. "You…are you…outside…after…" A flurry of rather vulgar oaths tumbled out of his mouth, one on top of the other.

Shikamaru, his normal, emotionless expression in place, heaved a great sigh. "How troublesome."

Having exhausted his arsenal of vile curses, the Sand-nin reverted back to normal speech. "I went up into that damned attic while all you pansies were pissing yourselves, didn't I?" He growled, a vein in his forehead joining the twitching eye. "What more do you want from me, woman?"

"My, I believe someone needs a time out," Sakura observed as she examined her nails.

"WHAT—"

"Ignore them, Sakura-san," Lee declared grandly over Gaara's outburst. "They may complain, but I'll make sure we don't fail you!" On his feet in a flash, he seized both of her hands in his. "A man never turns his back on a woman in need!"

"There he goes," said Kakashi, his features a cross between amusement and vexation. "Shame. All of Gai's worst quirks rubbed off on him…"

Naruto, who did not care for this recent turn of events, glowered darkly at Lee. "If he tries anything—with _my _Sakura-chan—there will be hell to pay—"

Ino stole a sidelong glance at the fuming blonde, and could not suppress the tiny bubble of jealousy that sprang up out of nowhere. _I wonder if Shika would ever be so possessive of me, _she mused, chewing on her bottom lip. _I mean, in his letter, he sounded sincere, but I don't think he's the type of person who would become fired up so easily…_Her brow furrowed—a very Shikamaru-like action—and she frowned. _The letter…I still have no idea where it is…_

Something was nagging at her, something just out of reach. Whenever she tried to grab it, hold it down long enough to analyze, it trickled out of her grasp like water contained in cupped hands.

Perhaps her newborn suspicion was unfounded…or perhaps not. Ah, well. She'd work on it later.

Sakura, slightly thunderstruck by Lee's…enthusiasm…said, "Er…thank you, Lee. That's very sweet."

Gai's protégé reacted as per usual, his round eyes filling with tears. "Sakura-san!" He cried, and then crushed her against his chest in a massive bear hug.

Poor, poor Lee. On the whole, his way of the ninja was rather impressive, but some parts of it were in need of major renovation.

In that department, Naruto was ready and willing to help.

"THAT DOES IT. YOU'VE REACHED THE END OF THE LINE, THICK BROWS!"

And thus the manhunt commenced.

Amidst snarls (from Naruto), whoops (from Lee), and the aggressive sound of collision with random pieces of furniture (from both), Sakura distributed the jobs that remained while rubbing her temples.

Since Kakashi and Anko had a fondness for the broom closet, they were ordered to use it _properly_ this time and clean the house. Sakura herself, along with Ino, would try, sans electricity, scraping together breakfast.

"Everybody clear on what they should be doing?" She inquired, though the tone she said it in suggested the topic was closed, and had better remain that way.

A chorus of yeses later, the group disbursed—well, more like Sakura kicked them all, except Ino, out while waving a spatula around as if it were a sword, and bellowed, red-faced, at Naruto and Lee when she noticed one of her vases lie in pieces, a casualty of their war.

Ah, the beginning of another fabulous day.

* * *

"That…damn…stupid…moron…" Naruto snarled from between clenched teeth, flinging the door of the circuit breaker open. In this state of mind, he probably shouldn't have been assigned the task of dealing with electricity, as, in his fury, he might trip the wrong switch, to any number of disastrous results. 

Granted, Sasuke wasn't any more in the know about circuit breakers than the blonde boy, but he figured it would be a good idea if he took control before Naruto actually wrenched the door off its hinges, which, given the way he clutched it, knuckles white and hand shaking, certainly appeared like he was about to do.

"Move over," he demanded, and forced his way in front of the rectangular metal box. Two vertical rows of heavy black switches were at the top; directly below them were two more rows of switches, these smaller and red.

There were numbers next to each switch, but no specific indication of what they controlled in the house.

Tricky. Very tricky.

And irritating. Where the hell was the instruction manual?

Of course, Naruto wasn't helping at all, either. He continued muttering atrocities—all of which were directed at Lee—under his breath, and it was distracting.

"Damn it, Naruto, would you just shut the hell up for five minutes?" He blazed, nettled. There had to be directions around _somewhere_…

"You saw him though, didn't you?" The blonde finally exploded, a crazed look in his eyes. "That was a blatant attempt at coercion!"

Sasuke made a face, the corner of his top lip curling. "Idiot. You can't even get your terms straight. If you coerce someone, it's like bullying them. Lee wasn't exactly bullying Sakura."

"No," Naruto said broodingly. "He was _charming_ her against her will. It's pretty much the same thing!"

The Uchiha heir didn't quite make the connection, however that wasn't much of a shock, considering the individual he held this conversation with.

He said, "How do you figure that?" and leaned forward a bit, bringing his face closer to the box. Perhaps if he squinted, the numbers would make more sense.

Almost by impulse, Naruto flung his arms up in exasperation. "He _knows_ she's off the market now, so he needs to keep his damn eyebrows to himself!" When Sasuke did not grace him with a reply, he glanced over, jaw unhinged. "What are you _doing_?"

Grunting, the dark haired boy braced his hands on either side of wall on which the circuit breaker was mounted and, with noticeable effort, drew his head back. An imprint of one of the switches dimpled his forehead.

He was _not _happy.

Naruto gawked at him for a few moments before he doubled over, clutching his sides.

Before now, there had been a fair share of instances in which Sasuke loathed the air Naruto breathed, like the time he discovered Sasuke's stuffed ducky—an exact replica of the electric yellow ducks on his favorite boxers—and proceeded to announce publicly that the mighty Avenger had a soft spot for 'ickle baby duckie-poos.'

Oh, how he hated him then…

He hated him now, too, as a matter of fact.

"Naruto," he said in a dangerously quiet voice, "you are _so _dead."

* * *

"Dude, did it snow _again_?" said Gaara incredulously as he waddled through mountains of the white stuff, voice muffled beneath his layers of insulation. When Sakura said, 'firewood,' she implied the three of them—Gaara, Shikamaru, and Lee—ought to scamper off to the nearby forest and procure some by any means they felt necessary. They were rough and tumble burly men after all, and everyone knew that rough and tumble burly men were natural born lumberjacks. 

Never in his most obscure fantasies had the Sand-nin felt the urge to be a lumberjack, and would have checked himself into the nearest rehab center right away if he did, because he had obviously become addicted to some sort of powerful hallucinogen without realizing it.

The only perk that accompanied this job was the fact that he could use an axe.

Gaara liked axes. They were sharp enough to do serious damage, but not so sharp that you couldn't draw out the satisfaction of chopping something—or someone—to miniscule splinters.

Yes, axes were grand.

This snow, however, was not grand.

"Why did we have to come all the way out here?" He groused, dragging his feet like a petulant child. "Wood's wood. It's just gonna be burnt anyway, and there were plenty of trees near the house."

Shikamaru wasn't exactly thrilled about this arrangement, either, though he did understand some of the method behind Sakura's madness.

"Landscaping," he stated around a yawn. "The scenery wouldn't be picturesque anymore if we hacked at the foliage around the house."

Once he thought about what he said, he frowned.

_Not only am I turning into my father, but parts of Ino are rubbing off on me, too…_

Some revelations are best kept at a distance until one is positive one can handle the repercussions.

Shikamaru decided this was one of them.

"Picturesque?" Gaara repeated, and gave the pony-tailed boy a strange look. "Foliage?" He sniggered into his crimson scarf.

A blush crept up Shikamaru's cheeks. "Yeah. So?"

The sniggers continued. "Nothing." He made his voice an octave higher. "Oh, my, what a _lovely _shrubbery!" He exclaimed, gesturing outrageously at a rather average bush. "Isn't it _exquisite_?"

Lee, who had not spoken much due to the state of his puffy lip—a parting gift from Naruto—, snorted. "Superb," he commented cheerily. "You have impeccable taste in the finer aspects of vegetation."

The Sand-nin inclined his head.

Shikamaru, now the color of a beet, informed them, "I hate you both." In an uncharacteristic move, he brushed ahead of them, moving much faster than his normal, stately pace, and hoped that the breeze would clear his head. _Gotta be more careful…I can't afford a lapse like that again, or I'll never hear the end of it…_

By the time he reached the entrance of the woods, his thoughts had veered off in a direction they hadn't since his vacation began. The letter. He still had no idea where it could have gone…although…

There was something about the sheer convenience of this trip—hadn't Naruto suggested it out of nowhere right after the letter vanished? —that unnerved him, made him wonder if perhaps there was more going on here than met the eye.

With the friends he had, he wouldn't be in the least surprised.

His eyes shifted to the right. A flurry of wood chips soared through the air as Gaara drove his axe into the trunk of a tree, an almost demonic expression of glee etched on his face. Lee attempted to explain to him that there were plenty of fallen branches they could gather up that were big enough to suffice; the redhead feigned temporary deafness.

Hmm. He'd just have to be observant from now on, wait for evidence that supported his theory. After all, he excelled at Shogi and Go, games that required intense concentration.

And patience. Nara Shikamaru could be _very_ patient.

Content for the moment, he returned to his task, convincing himself that the shadowy figure he glimpsed fleetingly out of the corner of his eye was only a figment of his imagination.

* * *

Kakashi never dreamed sweeping floors could be so exhilarating. 

Of course, much of the thrill was entirely at Anko's expense, since his judgment of how dirty each section of the paneling was—and therefore which ones could be glossed over and which ones required more intimate attention—just so _happened _to correspond with whichever room the Special Jounin occupied.

The Haruno family apparently had a fondness for wooden furnishings; all of the tables, desks, and dressers were made of oak or mahogany or cherry, and attracted dust like an industrial-sized magnet. Armed with paper towels and a full bottle of Pledge, Anko scrubbed the surfaces until they shone.

Gallingly enough, whenever she was bent over to get at a tough spot was when Kakashi made his inevitable appearance, whistling as he glided past her. On each instance, he just so _happened _to lose control of the broom handle and just so _happened _to regain it after he'd made contact with her derriere.

Anko determined that if one more thing _just so happened_, her foot would _just so happen _to imbed itself you-know-where.

Kakashi, well aware of her increased vexation at his person, carried on as if he were oblivious. Maybe he _was_ pushing his luck a smidgen; the past few days' efforts had yielded a major victory on his part (minus the black eye), one that had been entirely unexpected. Well…to some degree. It wasn't often his charm failed him, especially when he unleashed the full shebang.

He couldn't help that he was a natural-born lady-killer.

Besides, he loved seeing Anko in a tizzy.

"ARGH!" She roared after the seventh go, her composure shred to tatters. She rounded on him, Pledge at hand. "I'll spray you, and if I'm fortunate, you'll inhale it and drop dead."

Undaunted, he raised his eyebrows. "That's not a nice thing to say." His mouth quirked, and she stamped her foot.

"I _know_! That's why I said it!" She still held a used paper towel in her other hand; peering at it, she wadded it into a ball and chucked it at him.

The ball bounced off his nose.

"Feel better?" He queried in a strained voice, on the verge of laughter. "You can throw the bottle, too, if you'd like. I'll even give you another angle—"

"Don't goad me," Anko warned, reminding herself when she felt her resolve waver what would happen if she succumbed to her attraction again. _Fight fire with fire. _"You never know what you'll get." She smirked, gave him a pinch as she walked by, and left him there without so much as a backward glance.

The broom felt very heavy all of a sudden. Tearing his eyes from the empty doorway, he examined it, grinning dumbly. "And _that_ is why I adore her," he told it.

* * *

"I guess they didn't figure out the circuit breaker," Sakura remarked to Ino when Sasuke stormed in, an indentation in his forehead that looked remarkably like a switch. 

"You can't trust boys to do anything right," the blonde girl agreed. Naruto, a bit worse for wear, followed not too far behind. Plopping himself into a chair, his head hit the kitchen table with a thunk.

"Why don't _you _go out and make sense of it then," Sasuke bristled, in no mood for wisecracks.

Naruto turned his face to the side. "I thought you were making breakfast," he said, puzzled. The girls were at the table when he came in, and neither had the appearance of people who'd been working very hard—not that he had, either, though that wasn't entirely his fault. Sasuke was too damn sensitive about the silliest things. Naruto hadn't _meant_ to knock him face-first into the circuit breaker, but Sasuke didn't seem to understand that it was an accident.

He'd always been such a whiner.

_Though I guess that makes sense. I mean, the guy's favorite boxers have _duckies _on 'em…_

"We were. The no electricity part tripped us up," Ino retorted dryly. "We figured it wouldn't be a good idea to serve bacon and eggs raw."

Good point.

"You can have cereal," Sakura said to her boyfriend, giving him a playful little nudge with her foot. "The milk hasn't gone bad yet."

Naruto was about to ask if there was a way he could make ramen without a stovetop or a microwave when the front door opened and the three lumberjacks—er…Gaara, Lee, and Shikamaru, that is—entered, each holding a pile of firewood. Gaara's pieces were the biggest—and most jagged—of the bunch, and he seemed to be in a pleasant humor. Which was good.

"Where should we put all this?" Lee inquired, wary of Naruto, who had been giving him the eye.

"Over there," Sakura waved at a corner by the fireplace. "It doesn't really ma—" She froze.

Naruto jumped up. "What is it?"

Ino felt something brush by her leg. "AIIIIEEEEE!" She shrieked, recoiling so quickly that she knocked her chair over.

She had ignited a chain reaction.

Lee, Shikamaru, and Gaara all dropped their burdens, which rolled pell-mell across the floor. Ino flung herself at Shikamaru and clung to him before he had a chance to see what had startled her; Lee's hero complex kicked in and he dropped into fighting stance while loudly assuring everyone that he'd protect them; Naruto shoved a wildly gesturing Sakura behind him; Kakashi and Anko, who had heard Ino's screech, collided with each other as they raced down the hall.

The only semi-calm one of the bunch—what is the world coming to? —Gaara crouched so that his knees were level with his chest. The cause of the disturbance rose on its hind legs, large, bushy tail whipping back and forth as it stared in fascination at the Sand-nin, who stared back.

The room went absolutely still.

"It's a squirrel." Said Gaara.

"YEEEEEAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH!" Shouted the others.

"&#$$!" Said the squirrel, and bolted.

There were assorted cries of "CATCH IT!" and "DON'T LET IT CONTAMINATE THE FOOD!" and "HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP!"

These are all wonderful words full of wisdom, however Mr. Squirrel—as he is forthwith named—proved much faster than these feckless humans. He wasn't stupid. He knew when to run. Did they honestly believe he'd stand there like a vapid dimwit and be tackled by a horde?

No sir!

In a brash technique that would have made a ninja proud, Mr. Squirrel weaved masterfully through legs and arms and hands, and then POOF, he vanished!

Well…he didn't quite vanish. There was a small niche in one of the walls that he scurried under, and he prepared to wait there until he felt like venturing out once more. There were so many places for exploring in here, after all, and he was not about to allow them to go uncharted!

As for the humans…

"He could've gone anywhere!" Sakura was saying—forcefully—to Naruto as she grabbed hold of his shirt and shook it for emphasis.

"It's not my fault!" He defended himself in an injured tone. A thought occurred to him, and his eyes gleamed. "It's _Lee's_. He must've brought it in from the woods!"

"Now wait just a second!" said Lee, hands on hips. "I know you're mad at me—"

"If you morons hadn't spooked like that, it wouldn't have run away," Gaara interrupted scathingly. _They all deserve the axe. All of 'em…_

Ino, her fright somewhat under control, gave Shikamaru a _look_, and he grimaced. _Swell…I've been targeted…_

"What, Ino?"

She smiled a sugarcoated smile at him. "Since you're our resident tactician, it's only natural that we employ your skills." The smile grew wider.

The pony-tailed Jounin gulped. It always made him nervous when she smiled like that. "Thanks for the explanation. It's clear as crystal."

Ino glared at him. "I was _implying _that you come up with a plan to catch the squirrel," she snapped.

"_Me_? Why me?"

Kakashi shook his head. "Never ask why," he said softly, more to himself than to anyone else. "First rule of conduct."

Anko, who had overheard, grinned approvingly. "Smart boy."

"_Because_!" Ino hissed. "You're the one with the interstellar I.Q.! Although," she added as an afterthought, "I'm starting to doubt that test was accurate."

There were snickers all around at that.

Shikamaru sighed. Why did it always fall to him to fix things? What happened to his clouds? He hadn't been able to lie on his back and watch them coast along for ages, it seemed.

May as well bite the bullet and be done with it.

As he would if this were a serious battle, he closed his eyes and steepled his fingers in that special way he did when he was conceiving a strategy. "Okay, here's what we'll do," he said after a while. "I think there should be people stationed near all the cracks and corners. It's most likely that our squirrel's hiding in one of them." He held his chin. "Too bad Kiba's not here," he mused, "that nose of his can sniff out anything, and he's been building traps since he was little…"

"I can help you out in that department," Kakashi offered. His grin was savage. "I have plenty of experience with traps."

Sasuke correctly interpreted the grin. "Gai?"

"None other," the silvery-haired man replied with aplomb.

"Though, obviously, my sensei's were superior," Lee sniffed. "He's the one leading your rivalry."

"And I'm sure he told you that himself, didn't he."

"Yes he did! I'd never doubt Gai-sensei! He can beat anyone!"

Anko and Kakashi exchanged a glance, and burst into gales of helpless laughter.

"What's so funny?" Lee demanded, indignant. "It's true!"

"Let it lie," Sakura advised, close to giggles herself.

Ino said, "I wish we had some light other than from the windows in here."

"Shut up, Ino," Sasuke muttered, feeling mutinous. "Just shut up."

She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Shall we begin?" Shikamaru said.

"YEAH!"

In spite of himself, he grinned. "Operation Catch That Squirrel, commence!"

* * *

He could not say how long he remained trapped beneath the mound of snow. He figured it had to have been at least fifteen minutes before he reoriented himself and all of his gear enough to dig his way out. 

Gai was not discouraged, however. He'd gotten himself into worse situations in the past, and compared to some of those, a snow burial was only a minor setback.

In the face of adversity, Maito Gai always prevailed. Hadn't he trained like a dog for years with the specific intention of defeating Kakashi's sharingan? And he'd done it, too. Once.

But that little factor was trivial.

"Better press on," he declared once he was on his feet. Can't afford to dilly-dally!"

The forest seemed to stretch on for miles as he lumbered through the snow; the deeper he went, the less light shone through the white-coated pines, in their element here, with the cold and the snow. They reminded him of old men, ancient and gnarled and proud, the wardens of the wood.

After about a half hour of walking, he thought he saw light up ahead, and heard voices. He almost called out, but held his tongue after he remembered what had waylaid him previously.

By the time he reached the end of the forest, the voices—and the people they belonged to—were long gone, though their tracks had not been dusted over.

In a stroke of pure genius, he decided to follow them.

And so it was that the Green Beast wound up at the mountain house, the very same place where Hatake Kakashi and Mitarashi Anko were currently attempting to catch the renegade Mr. Squirrel.

Huzzah!

It was rather curios that there were no lights on in the house, when he knew there had to be people inside. An open circuit breaker answered his question.

"Ah. The power went out," he observed, and flicked a switch. "There! That should do it." A glance at the closest window confirmed his success. Satisfied, he closed the breaker and meandered around to the front door, disregarding centuries of proper decorum. He had not a clue who the house belonged to, yet he was already acting like a member of the family.

He was a piece of work, that Maito Gai.

"HELLO!" He exclaimed exuberantly even as he had his hand on the knob of the door. "Would you mind if I came in?"

Kakashi, at his post by the door, reacted a second too late. "No! Wait a—"

But the door flung open.

For an instant, the two rivals gaped at each other before Gai broke the silence.  
"YOU! I KNEW I'D FIND YOU!"

Kakashi blinked. For a minute, he thought that a giant green slug with legs stood in the doorway, but after closer inspection, he determined it was in fact a person.

"Gai, you'd better get out of the—"

The Green Beast took a step forward, oblivious of the trip wire he'd just set off. "HA! I WIN! I—" A bucket of icy water upended itself over his head.

"I did try warning him, didn't I?" Kakashi said to Anko. "He never listens!"

Gai just stood there, spluttering as the water seeped through his parka. "You—you—this—"

"What happened?" Another voice filtered down the hall—Naruto's. "Did you get it?"

"No!" Anko shouted back. "We caught something else!"

"Eh?" Shikamaru poked his head around the entrance of the kitchen. He took one look at Gai and a few things clicked. "So _he _got the electricity running again."

For Sasuke, that was salt rubbed in an open wound. "I don't want to hear it," he fumed. "Not one word."

Gaara cackled. "Feel stupid now, don't you, dipwad?"

Mr. Squirrel chose that moment to abandon his sanctuary. After nearly having his tail squashed numerous times by traps, he wanted out, and the front door stood gloriously open.

"THERE HE IS!" Ino hollered, springing out of her hiding place in the bathroom.

Lee, overjoyed at the sight of his sensei, immediately took action—he had to impress Gai with his manly skill, of course. Sprinting down the hall, he swan-dived, arms outstretched, but Mr. Squirrel darted just out of his reach. Lee cleared the remaining stretch of hallway on his stomach, a most inglorious sight, indeed.

Surveying his options, Mr. Squirrel ran into the kitchen and scurried under the table; Shikamaru tried using Kagemane no Jutsu, which, instead of trapping the squirrel, ensnared Naruto. Sakura attempted to corner the critter before he could get away, however his agility aided him, and he evaded her.

Out of the kitchen he ran, leaping over and around the obstacles—Kakashi, Anko, Gaara, and Sasuke—that appeared in his path. For a brief instant, he felt sand brushing his fur, and he came close to panicking, but, with an incredible burst of speed, he rocketed forward, between Gai's legs, and emerged outside, free at last.

Mr. Squirrel vowed that would never return to this particular house. The humans that inhabited it were a bit too excitable for his taste. The one with the sand wasn't all that bad; he would have liked to study him longer. Ah, well. Maybe their paths would cross again someday.

That settled, Mr. Squirrel departed into the morning, in search of a new haunt that preferably included lots of nuts.

"Well," Kakashi said, running a shaky hand through his hair. "That was interesting."

Shikamaru—who had since released Naruto—could think of other ways to describe their morning that were less polite, though he kept them to himself. "I think the mission failed."

Gaara looked around at the detritus of a battle zone. "Good observation, slick."

Naruto saw Gai for the first time, and his face mirrored his confusion. "What the hell is _he_ doing here?"

Looks like the Haruno mountain house had acquired another member.

* * *

:breathes sigh of relief: That was one hell of a chapter to write, man. I had FULL-BLOWN writer's block, and I can't tell you how often I wanted to yank my hair out of my head one strand at a time…I apologize for the delay, truly. :falls out of chair: 

**UP NEXT**: INTRIGUE! ICE SKATING! And Oreo pie?


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